The relationship started out great – they were charming, passionate and never stopped telling you how much they loved you.
Soon enough, they grew distant, and then came the insults, manipulation and emotional blackmail. This person was not the partner you fell in love with and now it seems like this narcissist is actively trying to destroy you.
You can’t take it anymore and you’re tired of feeling helpless. It’s time to fight back. So what’s the worst thing you can do to a narcissist…?
But how do you fight someone who doesn’t function on a normal emotional level? Can you really make them feel the same pain they made you feel? Moreover, is getting revenge on them healthy for you?
In this article, I’ll describe exactly which words hurt a narcissist the most and what’s the best way to get the ultimate revenge on them. But first, let’s discuss the weaknesses of a narcissist
How to Insult a Narcissist?
Actually, it’s not that hard at all. Despite their confident appearance, narcissists are always worried about what others think of them. Narcissists have no sense of self-worth or resilience, so every negative outcome is demeaning to them. If you want to cut to the emotional core of a narcissist, make them look bad in public. Try challenging their opinions, ignoring their orders, or making fun of their misfortunes, and they will become narcissistic rage.
Related : Can you Get PTSD from Narcissistic Abuse?
Unfortunately for you, the narcissist’s only option to restore his sense of self-worth is to attack the party he has harmed. By destroying your credibility and trust, he is putting himself back in the lead.
Non-narcissistic individuals are often humbled by humiliation; they take a negative situation and use it as an opportunity to learn and grow. This almost never happens to narcissists, so any pleasure you may get from humiliating them will be met with the retaliation that follows.
What Drives a Narcissist Crazy?
Narcissists have only one goal—to get more narcissistic supply. They crave praise, admiration, and a sense of control over their lives. While most people can regulate their feelings of self-worth internally, the narcissist is completely dependent on outsiders for this validation.
In some ways, this makes narcissists some of the easiest people to understand. When they have a steady source of supply, they are as happy as can be. When they don’t have a steady source of supply, they become abusive, complicit, and cold.
So the easiest way to anger a narcissist is to deprive them of their source of narcissistic supply. Stop complimenting them, don’t be submissive or obedient, and don’t do anything for them that could be seen as ego-boosting.
When you do this, the narcissist will have no use for you and will either get rid of you or do everything they can to put you back in the supply role.
The problem is that even when you do everything right with a narcissist, it’s not always enough. You’re putting on a lot of show, but it’s not satisfying them in the way they used to. However, if you’re determined to push a narcissist away, these are some of the best ways to do it.
What’s the worst thing you can do to a narcissist?
For the sake of discussion, let’s say you want to get a little revenge after enduring repeated bouts of narcissistic abuse. These tactics are sure to anger them, but beware of the consequences.
- What Words Hurt the Most to a Narcissist?
You may wonder what words you should use to hurt or humiliate a narcissist. But what hurts the narcissist the most is not using words at all.
Narcissists use this word all the time; it’s a tactic designed to get you to work for their attention, and it’s called the silent treatment. It’s so effective because the silent treatment is obvious to you and the narcissist only.
There are no violent fights at the grocery store, no hurling insults in front of friends, just sarcastic nonverbal communication that makes the other person feel bad.
Narcissists interpret silence as a form of disrespect; the silent partner gains power by not having to voice their displeasure out loud. Changing the narcissist’s preferred tactic is extremely demeaning.
Silence is very likely to send them into a narcissistic rage—yelling, insults, and possibly physical aggression. This is dangerous territory, so silence should not be used lightly.
If you are considering the silent treatment, it is best to walk away from the narcissist and the relationship. It is almost certainly broken beyond repair, as there is little to salvage after communication breaks down.
- Compete with them
Narcissists need to be seen as the best at everything—in their careers, relationships, health, etc. The surefire way to piss them off is to show them up in any of these areas.
You don’t need to be explicit about it either, narcissists are always comparing, so they’re sure to spot when you’re better than them in some way.
Often, you won’t even know you’ve made them feel inferior, and your first sign will be that they’re criticizing you. This way they regain their power.
Their feelings of inadequacy are especially noticeable after a breakup (or abandonment). The narcissist wants to know that you’re not doing well, and that you need them to feel complete.
When that doesn’t happen, they have two options: to put you down or to use their charm in the hopes of getting you back into the relationship. Don’t fall for either of these options—the narcissist hasn’t gone away, they’ve just changed how they present themselves.
- Walk away from the fight
A fight is never complete for someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder until they have achieved complete submission from their opponent. You can’t find common ground or agree to disagree; they need to win.
Walking away from the narcissist’s abuse (and staying away) is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself. The narcissist will never let you have the last word, and they will almost certainly try to get you back into the relationship.
No communication after walking away from a fight is the best way to leave the narcissist and their abusive behavior in the past.
Types of Narcissists and How They Differ
All narcissists need attention and praise, but how they show this need can vary widely. There are four main types of narcissistic personality disorder and each responds differently to criticism and your defense of yourself.
Grandior Narcissists
These are the people we typically think of as narcissists: extroverts with high self-esteem who can be very charming and often excel in leadership roles.
Of course, they also lack empathy for others and lash out when challenged, but overall they are able to form normal, if somewhat superficial, personal relationships.
Related : 10 Things Narcissistic Mothers Say and What They Really Mean
Attempts to hurt a grandiose narcissist often result in demeaning behaviors designed to boost their ego.
collectivenarcissists
Collective narcissists are generally helpful, open, and friendly toward others, and they are not even on most people’s radar. While the typical narcissist is interested in money, power, and sexual conquest, the collective narcissist just wants to be seen as the most helpful person in the group.
Sounds great, right? Not exactly, the desire to be wanted and seen as wanted can lead to toxic relationships that are not based on mutual trust and respect. Collective narcissists will play the victim if you ever doubt them.
Vulnerable Narcissists
Not all narcissists are open, some are incredibly insecure and willing to show it. Vulnerable narcissists also project their negative feelings onto others and have a generally bleak outlook on the world.
These individuals are extremely sensitive to criticism and will lash out at you, even if you’re trying to help them.
Malignant Narcissists
These are easily the most dangerous type of narcissist. Their personality disorder doesn’t stem from a deep-seated neurosis or grandiose sense of self, they simply thrive on creating chaos.
In many ways, they’re even more psychologically disturbed than narcissists. Never try to get revenge on these narcissists; they’ll blow up in your face, sometimes violently.
Things Not to Do with Narcissists
You’re trying to do the right thing; instead of lashing out or plotting revenge, you should reach a peaceful resolution with the narcissist.
Unfortunately, they’re likely to use your words and actions against you, even when you’re being friendly.
- Beg for their sympathy
If you are begging for understanding and sympathy from a narcissist, you are on the wrong path. Narcissists have a one-dimensional view of the world, one in which they can do no wrong and the world is after them. It is an unfortunate effect of low self-esteem and an inability to regulate it.
When talking to a narcissist, try to see their perspective and how they might feel hurt (no matter how distorted it may be).
- Explain yourself
This is always going to be a no-win situation. First, did you really do something wrong? Narcissists tend to manipulate your perspective on the situation, and it’s never to your advantage.
You always did something wrong and the narcissist is innocent.
When you explain your feelings, you’re not helping the narcissist see your perspective—they can’t. Your emotion gives them power, and they learn how to manipulate you in future situations.
- Open up to them
Empathetic people often believe that if they show vulnerability, it will be reciprocated. This rarely happens with narcissists, who soak up vulnerability like a sponge and then use it to inform their abusive behaviors.
Narcissists will never come forward with their own feelings, and it’s too painful to show that side of themselves. Sometimes a narcissist will cry a few crocodile tears because it’s beneficial to them, but that’s not a real weakness. More often than not, it’s a way to extract narcissistic supply.
- Make Them Feel Guilty
It’s simply not possible. Narcissists are so self-absorbed that they can’t see beyond their own feelings. They may say they feel sorry or ashamed for their actions, but only because they’ve learned that regret is an effective way to get what they want.
In most cases, humiliating the narcissist will turn the tables on you. They’ll either blame you for their actions or exaggerate their sacrifices and make you the aggressor.
Should You Get Back at a Narcissist?
The above tactics sound tempting after you’ve endured months or even years of emotional abuse. Just imagine the satisfaction you’ll feel if you humiliate the narcissist in front of their friends or colleagues. It’s amazing to think about, isn’t it?
This feeling won’t last long; narcissists always have more time and energy to hurt you than you have to hurt them. Their goal in life is to receive praise and admiration while crushing those who won’t give them that.
If you’re keen on hurting a narcissist, you’d better believe that they’ll come back to you with everything they have.
It might start with a smear campaign, or whispering gossip to friends, family, or colleagues. They’ll play the victim and make you look like the bad guy in this toxic relationship. The narcissist is trying to regain control of the situation by putting you down.
So what can you do? Just surrender and accept the abuse? Of course not, but instead of seeking the temporary pleasure of humiliating the narcissist, focus on the long term and how you can find peace.
This is usually achieved by cutting the narcissist out of your life entirely.
It’s easy to say but hard to do – narcissists seek their sources of supply, sometimes through love bombing (positive reinforcement) and sometimes through shaming campaigns (punishment).
In any case, the only way to win against narcissists is to never play their game. Stay away from them and never look at these toxic people.
