Narcissists are notorious for using psychological projection to blame others, even when it’s quite clear that they’re at fault.

In whatever way they can, they will shift the blame, suggesting that the other person made them do it, was responsible for their bad behavior, or simply didn’t do what they asked.

What is psychological projection?

The term projection was first coined by psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, who described it as a way for an individual to project their unwanted thoughts and beliefs onto another person.

Examples of psychological projection:

Parents who haven’t achieved their goals in life demand that their children succeed.

The fear that your partner will betray you is often a reflection of how you view yourself.

The belief that someone hates you may be a sign of your own deep, hidden hatred for that person.

As for narcissists, they can also have deep, repressed feelings, because their worldview is completely disconnected from real life. The narcissist often blames his partner when his boundaries or rules are challenged. When this happens, the narcissist suddenly feels a loss of control that threatens the facade and world he has created.

This is not to say that the typical narcissist fails to know the difference between right and wrong. They do, but when they themselves fail, they feel such an incredible sense of shame that they cannot handle it.

Their delicate ego must be protected at all costs, and so the blame for failure must be directed elsewhere.

This leaves the other person in a constant state of anxiety because the narcissist’s reasons for blaming them are so illogical and ridiculous.

Some examples of psychological projection might include:

I did poorly at work today because you wanted to see that late-night movie last night.

I was late for an important meeting because you asked me to pick up the kids.

My presentation went poorly because you didn’t clean my shirts properly.

A narcissist will blame their partner for everything that’s wrong in their life. They are overly judgmental of others and demand absolute perfection from their loved ones. However, this is definitely not mutual.

If a narcissist does something, no matter how small or insignificant, that is considered wrong and they get caught, they explode with anger that is completely inappropriate for the situation.

Ways a Narcissist Uses Psychological Projection on You:

A narcissist may be particularly rude or abusive toward you, but when you get upset and criticize their behavior, they blame you for overreacting.

A narcissist may cheat on their partner first and then shift the blame onto them, saying they knew they would cheat so they did it first.
He will avoid the issue and then blame his partner for causing him unpleasant feelings.

He will ignore the issue for no apparent reason and then blame his partner for a minor incident that happened in the past.

He will create an issue and then refuse to discuss it, then blame his partner for wanting to talk about it when he says he doesn’t have to worry about it.

He will leave his partner saying his partner was going to leave so he came in first.

It is unreasonable to expect anyone to be able to live under these shifting boundaries and rules. You are constantly in a state of floating anxiety, trying to live up to your partner’s unrealistic expectations that change by the minute.

You never know when the bomb will go off and your partner will explode over something that was not under your control in the first place. And inevitably, if you muster the courage to leave the narcissist, it will always be your fault.

But this personality type doesn’t seem like a very good romantic prospect, so how do people get drawn to dating a narcissist in the first place?

Relationship experts believe that narcissists target people who are extremely high in emotional intelligence.

Narcissists also focus on people who have high qualities like empathy, integrity, the ability to compromise, authenticity, accountability, and the ability to love on a mature level. These are the exact qualities that narcissists lack.

A narcissist is essentially an empty shell of a human being who creates an attractive exterior to fool the people around them. Narcissists don’t know how to feel love, pain, empathy, or guilt, and they seem to surround themselves with people who have the exact qualities they lack.

A narcissist can’t keep putting on their mask to the world alone forever. They need constant reminders of what it really means to function as a normal human being. So they seek out these people and become emotionally involved with them.

However, even associating with high-functioning people doesn’t allow them to maintain their appearance. Eventually, they will go through the typical cycle of devaluing and abandoning their partner before moving on to their next victim.

If you are involved with someone who is always blaming you, it may be better for you to look for love elsewhere.