In almost every article you read about narcissism, you will find many references to “narcissistic supply.” What is it? Why do narcissists crave it?

Narcissistic supply is “a psychological concept that describes a type of admiration, personal support, or sustenance that an individual derives from his or her environment. The term is usually used in a negative sense, describing a pathological or excessive need for attention or admiration that does not take into account the feelings, opinions, or preferences of others” (Wikipedia definition). Narcissistic supply is a term that refers to the attention that narcissists crave.

What is Narcissistic Supply?

Narcissistic supply is anything that builds the narcissist’s ego and reaffirms his or her feelings of superiority, grandiosity, and entitlement. Examples include:

• Admiration
• Submission
• Attention
• Fear
• Approval
• Affirmation
• Respect
• Applause
• Fame
• Money
• Media attention
• Sexual conquest

Why Do Narcissists Crave Support?

We are born social creatures, and at least occasionally, we all need to hear positive things about ourselves or receive positive nonverbal cues from others.

As long as we get the occasional positive jolt, we are able to continue our work or family life in relative contentment.

However, this basic human need for positive attention from others becomes distorted and exaggerated in the hands of narcissists.

A person usually welcomes a mild to moderate amount of attention, usually in the form of affirmation, approval, or admiration.

But too much attention to oneself makes a person feel uncomfortable. They usually avoid negative attention or criticism, which makes the person even more uncomfortable.

On the other hand, a narcissist is like an alcoholic or drug addict when it comes to attention. They are insatiable and seek attention as if it were their drug of choice.

They feel uncomfortable with it, no matter how much they get (it is never enough) or whether it is positive or negative.

Narcissists generally do not have an intrinsic or “built-in” sense of self-worth, so they rely on others, through attention or narcissistic supply, to reaffirm their grandiosity in order to feel good about themselves.

A narcissist displays a false self to elicit a steady stream of attention or narcissistic supply from others.

The false self is a facade or mask that the narcissist presents to the world, and includes what the narcissist wants to be seen as: powerful, charming, intelligent, wealthy, or well-connected.

The narcissist then “collects” the expected reactions to this false self from a spouse, family, friends, colleagues, business associates, and peers.

If the expected narcissistic supply—(adulation, admiration, attention, fear, respect, applause, or affirmation)—is not forthcoming, the narcissist demands or blackmails it.

Money, compliments, media exposure, and sexual conquest are all simply variations of the same thing for the narcissist—narcissistic supply.

Two Types of Narcissistic Supply and Their Sources

There are two types of narcissistic supply with specific means of obtaining it (sources).

Authors and researchers typically identify two main types of narcissistic supply:

Primary supply, which is obtained through more public-oriented forms of attention, and secondary supply, which typically comes through attention achieved in the context of personal relationships.

Primary Narcissistic Supply

Primary narcissistic supply is attention obtained through public forms (fame, notoriety, notoriety, celebrity) and through private or personal forms (esteem, admiration, applause, fear, disgust).

It is important to understand that attention of any kind—positive or negative—constitutes primary narcissistic supply. “Notoriety is as desirable as fame, and notoriety is as good as fame.”

A narcissist’s accomplishments may be imaginary or an external fraud, but they will enjoy them as long as others believe them to be real.

Reality does not matter to a narcissist, only perception matters. Appearance is more important than substance; in fact, that is the only thing that matters to a narcissist.

Motivations

Primary narcissistic supply motivators include fame (fame, notoriety, celebrity, infamy),

having an aura of mystery, feeling masculine/virile/feminine through sexual prowess, and connection to (or exercise of) power through politics, finance, the military, or spirituality.

Narcissists manipulate and exploit others to keep their narcissistic supply flowing.

Narcissists may do this subtly through sexual enticement, fear, obligation, guilt, and the silent treatment, or forcefully through lies, threats, or simply getting rid of the person if their supply is exhausted.

A narcissist’s primary supply sources are all the people who provide them with narcissistic supply on an occasional and random basis.

Secondary Narcissistic Supply

Secondary narcissistic supply includes “living a normal life” (which is surprisingly a source of great pride for narcissists),

having a secure life (financial security, social acceptance, and social ascension), and having companions.

Secondary narcissistic supply includes things like having a spouse or partner, having obvious wealth and showing off,

being creative, running a business, being a prominent member of a group, having a professional or other reputation, and being generally successful.

A narcissist seeks status symbols and will display them visibly.

Sources of secondary narcissistic supply are all people with whom the narcissist has a personal relationship on a regular and consistent basis.

This includes a spouse, friends, colleagues, business partners, teachers, neighbors, etc.

Many narcissists prefer their narcissistic supply to come from positive attention, such as validation, love, or admiration. However, negative attention is still a form of attention and can serve as a source of narcissistic supply.

Attention that the narcissist is able to gain either publicly (such as fame or infamy) or privately (through personal relationships) is referred to as narcissistic supply.