Secure attachment in childhood creates a solid foundation for a person’s entire life. It creates a feeling of trust and confidence in the goodness of me, you, us (Divecha, 2017). This secure attachment is created through the mingling of thoughtfulness, attunement, empathy and love between the mother (or other primary caregiver) and the infant. It is created when the mother is present, consistent, gentle, reassuring and soothing. Through secure attachment, a person learns to trust and love others for the rest of his life.

Narcissists don’t know how to trust my goodness, your goodness, and our goodness. All that matters to narcissists is protecting oneself at the expense of others. Because the narcissist is unable to communicate in a healthy way with another person, he uses the communication system that was created for the narcissist to take care of himself. Instead of healthy communication, the narcissist seeks narcissistic supply.

People with narcissism usually experience some form of early childhood attachment trauma (interpersonal abuse). At some point in early childhood, the narcissist was not properly attached, or not loved enough. Because of this, he learned how to survive in relationships using a kind of barter system, rather than relying on normal human communication skills (because these skills were not properly assimilated into his psyche).

Narcissistic supply is a form of payment given by others in order to be in a relationship with a narcissistic person. In essence, when a young child is not attuned or sufficiently attached, emotionally soothed and protected, he or she develops survival skills for self-protection. These survival skills come in the form of emotional manipulation and the development of an alternative personality.

Related : What to Do When a Narcissist Sees You Happy

We realize that, in essence, people who experience early attachment trauma are developmentally delayed, especially with regard to interpersonal relationships.

Have you ever noticed how a loved one displays behaviors similar to a three-year-old child having a tantrum? This may be because he was triggered by not getting what he wanted in one way or another and then emotionally regressed to an early stage of development (a stage where he had not yet matured).

In essence, the narcissist has not matured properly during each stage of early childhood development resulting in stunted emotional development.

Narcissists are never satisfied. Once they get the narcissistic supply of the moment, they quickly become empty again; It’s not permanent. A narcissist’s emotional or narcissistic supply tank is always low or empty. It is as if there are holes in the bottom of the narcissist’s supply tank. No matter how well you try to love your narcissist, it will never be enough.

What are some common forms of narcissistic display?

attention
Compliments/praise
Achievements, such as winning
Feeling powerful (being in control)
Sense of control (the ability to control yourself, and therefore your environment)
An addictive substance or activity
Sex
Emotional energy (can be positive or negative)
The list is not exhaustive and the narcissistic presentation can be as unique as the individuals involved.

What are some things that the supplier of this narcissistic food can do to feed the narcissist?

Do what he wants
You lose your independence. yourself
Praise him/her
Be a good being
Be compatible
Be controllable
Give up your power
How do narcissists get this supply from their “victims”? They use some basic tools; These are behaviors of seduction, manipulation, anger, and bullying.

I realize this fact:

In a narcissistic encounter, there is only one person psychologically. The narcissistic partner disappears for both people, and only the experience of the narcissistic person matters (Rappaport, 2005).

You can see how this quote applies to the concept of narcissistic supply. The whole purpose of a relationship is for everyone in it to have one goal and that is to feed the narcissist. This form of psychological manipulation works because when the narcissist is fed, everyone involved succumbs to a false, albeit brief, sense of security.