Narcissistic rage is one of the most toxic emotional outbursts you can imagine. They seem to come out of nowhere, full of rage and nonsense.

Narcissism and narcissistic rage are different. We all have some narcissistic tendencies but in general we try and work to better ourselves.

However, anger is a verb that people often use to get their way. There are also other reasons why people resort to this outburst of anger and cold hard behavior. First, let’s get a basic definition of this problem so we can understand how it works.

Narcissistic rage is the outburst of anger or cold silence used by those with narcissistic personality disorder.

Here’s the short version: Narcissistic rage comes from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

Some instances of this anger may be the result of early trauma such as abuse or neglect. Some people, rather than surviving the trauma, may try to bury who they really are within the shell of those injuries.

Then they create a false personality based on huge, inflated lies. The person they show the world is not real at all. This makes them brittle and easy to collapse when encountered. I think you can see a pattern developing here.

What triggers narcissistic anger?

There are many reasons why this anger occurs, and most of the causes are toxic. Even more disturbing, narcissistic rage can happen for no reason at all, out of the blue.

You could be having a great time, or so you think, and then all of a sudden, the guy you love gets mad at you and calls you names. They’ll also bring up things you did years ago, they’ll lie, and they’ll say the exact opposite of what they said about you when they weren’t angry.

It’s totally amazing. Here are some examples of stimuli that may make a narcissist angry:

The narcissist is no longer the center of attention despite having more important priorities.

They are caught. Whether they were caught lying, breaking boundaries that were once apparent, or violating social norms.
They didn’t get what they wanted, or what they wanted. This may be in the event that something is not entirely reasonable.
The narcissist is confronted with what they are. For example, they are told about their manipulation and falsely high self-esteem.
Control is taken away from the individual with narcissistic personality disorder. They panic and get angry.
They are told to take responsibility for their actions rather than blaming others.
Finally, they are criticized for something, for anything, and they are offended.

5 Examples of narcissistic anger and how to respond to it

I know it sounds terrifying, but you can learn to respond to narcissistic anger. But to deal with it, you have to understand it and the many ways it manifests itself in different situations and types of relationships.

You may experience this anger in the workplace, with friends, and in relationships. So, dealing with narcissistic anger depends on the particular person and place.

1. Anger in the family
   Narcissistic rage runs in families, and it causes one of the most difficult environments.

Example: Some family members despise answering questions, but as you know, asking questions is the only way to get an answer. If her mother is constantly yelling at a daughter for asking questions, this is a form of narcissistic rage. The mother feels that the daughter should already know the answers, and treats her in a condescending manner.

Not only can you run away from your family, but you can take other steps to help you deal with this problem. Family dysfunction can be approached from two angles.

Awareness of NPD is important when dealing with someone in your family who may have NPD. Sometimes, individuals do not know that they are behaving inappropriately. With family, this is common and can be helped through communication.
A little space between family members also helps calm narcissistic anger. It gives each party time to step back and look at themselves and the unfounded anger that is on display.

And if these steps don’t help, family therapy may be able to get to the root of some of the anger issues, helping specific family members come to terms with their true identity.

2. Anger in relationships
   Intimacy is one of the most common places where narcissistic anger occurs. You may wonder why so many people get involved with angry individuals like this.

Well, the truth is, they hide behind a facade for as long as possible, stumble upon their mate, and then finally show their true colors. Falling into this trap is easier than you think.

Example: Her husband caught a woman committing adultery. Instead of the wife feeling guilty or asking for forgiveness or anything like that, she blames her husband alone for the adultery.

In fact, if adult adultery is online, she may blame others for accessing her phone or computer. But beyond all these excuses, she will get really loud and use narcissistic rage to get her husband off her trail.

Here are some ways to deal with this type of narcissism:

The first thing you need to do is recognize the symptoms of NPD. You can have it, or your partner can offer it too. One obvious symptom would be narcissistic anger.

Set limits and keep them. Make sure your partner knows what you are going to put up with from the start. The anger may linger, but you can remind them of your limits and that you will not accept such disdain.
Avoid lying and always be honest with yourself. Have your partner do the same.
Seek professional help if you can’t get things to work. It’s always a good idea to try everything you can before giving up in a relationship.
If you need to end the relationship, do so. Don’t feel guilty for wanting a better treatment.

3. Anger in friendships

Friends often get caught up in the narcissist’s rage. Even best friends eventually spot this nasty trait at some point. When that happens, you have many things to think about. The most important thing to consider is whether or not you should continue to be friends.

Example: This anger can be seen between two friends who compete in school activities. While one may be sweet to lose at times, the other may not be able to bear the loss.

This loser friend will get angry when he loses a game or a competition. He will display strong abusive behavior including being rude and even being silent.

Here’s how to respond to narcissistic anger of this kind:

Try to make your time together as fulfilling as possible. If you can, avoid violent confrontations or fights until both parties are ready to talk. Definitely learn how to communicate better.
If one of you is frustrated, you will probably avoid each other for a while. Frustration is a stomach stage for anger if one of you is suffering from NPD. Let things settle down and then spend time together.

If your boyfriend isn’t your best friend, maybe you can limit your time together. Once you recognize any outbursts of anger, understand that you must set boundaries. It’s sad, but it’s better to spend less time together than to fight all the time.

Together, as friends, you can also seek professional mental help to calm the narcissist’s anger. You need to come to an agreement that you both need help in order to make it work.

4. Work rage
   Narcissistic anger also manifests itself in the workplace. This is especially true in large companies and crowded offices. Bosses tend to use their anger as a natural way to improve productivity when in fact it just makes things worse.

There is also anger among co-workers and this can also affect the workplace in a negative way.

Example: Unfortunately, narcissistic rage can be brought into the workplace from home. If two women get into trouble outside of their jobs, one of them may try to jeopardize the other’s work by using lies.

When the lies are revealed for what they really are, the liar will become very angry and deny the lies himself. Have you ever heard of lying to cover up lies? that’s what I mean.

Fortunately, there are ways to excuse this.

Since workplace anger is different, you must have witnesses. After all, this is your job, and you wouldn’t want to lose it to a fling. So, if you are a victim of narcissistic rage, write down the entire incident as evidence.
Also, if you feel like someone is about to get really angry with you, go to a public place. Don’t be alone with an angry person.
Report any harassment to the human resources department within your workplace. Harassment is not tolerated.
Never take narcissistic behavior personally, and most of all, don’t try to be vindictive. These things tend to cause you more problems in the end.
Never reveal too much personal information to a questionable person. I have found that doing so will cause them to use this information against you.
When a narcissist’s anger appears, just walk away. Fighting doesn’t work for someone with NPD.

5. Anger at strangers
   When it comes to quarrels with strangers, it’s pretty simple. Don’t think about it when you leave their company. Most likely, you won’t have to contact them again, and even if you do, they may forget about the incident.

You definitely shouldn’t say things like, “Hey, do you remember that time you got really mad at me?”

As silly as this may sound, and you think no one else would, you might be surprised. So the one thing to remember with angry strangers is that you can walk away and forget about it. Hey, sometimes people just have bad days.

Who has narcissistic rage?

Do you see yourself in these qualities? Is this your friend your girlfriend? Are you seeing your co-worker or perhaps your best friend? Well, whoever reminds you of this needs help.

The only thing worse than being a victim of narcissistic rage is watching them whine when they know they need help. Unfortunately, they rarely ask for that help and continue to play their games and wear those masks.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you to feel so sorry for them that you allow yourself to be mistreated. I just want you to know that the good can be found in everyone, and if we can save them, so must we.

Now, if it doesn’t work out, then yes, we should move on. Why? Because it is not fair to put up with a narcissist’s anger. This type of treatment can destroy our sense of self-worth.

So, think about these things and if you have someone with narcissistic personality disorder in your family, do what you need to do to stay sane. I wish you well, and I hope that things always change for the better.