Narcissistic hovering describes when a narcissist makes contact after a breakup or absence. Narcissists contact you, even though the relationship has ended. Make no mistake, this connection does not necessarily mean that you are important to them. In fact, hovering shows disrespect.

When a narcissist hovers over you, it’s because they think you’re an easy target. They think they can manipulate you and use you again. Not because they love you and want you back. The narcissist hovers to maintain control and power, or because his current supply of attention has run out.

“The best karma a narcissist can get is actually the weight of your indifference and success after you leave him.” An Arab martyr

So, how do you spot narcissism?

18 Signs of a Narcissist Hoover

1. They reconnect after a long time
   The best example of narcissism is unexpected contact after a period of absence or silent treatment. Suddenly, you receive a text or call from your ex. It can seem harmless enough. An innocent text or voicemail asking how you are, what the kids are doing, etc., as if nothing happened.

This is the narcissist testing your reaction. Will you take the bait and respond? If this doesn’t work, they may have to resort to more serious tactics.

2. They tell you they changed/received therapy/worked on their problems
   Have you experienced gaslighting or other manipulative behavior during your relationship? Narcissists use this to manipulate you and get you back into the relationship. They will insist and promise that they have worked out their problems and there is no reason why you can’t try again.

Of course, they didn’t. They don’t think they have any problems.

3. They will apologize and ask for forgiveness
   One common tactic narcissists use when getting carried away is insincere apologies. They are very sorry for their actions. They take full responsibility for how things end.

It’s a joke. Narcissists do not take responsibility for anything they have done wrong. Everyone else is responsible.

4. You’re the only one they’ll ever love
   Narcissists use love bombing at the beginning of a relationship to seduce you. But they also use it when the relationship ends to lure you back. They’ll make sweeping declarations of undying love, promising you land and more until you return to them.

5. The narcissist wants your approval of his new partner
   If the narcissist doesn’t get what he wants, he ups the ante to get your attention.

Many forums for narcissistic survivors describe the same story. Their ex has moved on with a new partner, however, they are asking you to agree to their choice. It’s a seemingly civil and mature gesture, but it’s designed to upset you or make you jealous.

6. Using other people to reach you
   You may have the courage to block or ignore the narcissist’s advances, but that doesn’t mean they will stop. The narcissist will avoid you and turn to your family and friends.

They will play the victim in front of your parents or tell your friends how much they love you and want you back. They will even use your children to get to you.

7. They use fake reasons to contact you
   If random messages like “How are you?” or “I was thinking about you,” the narcissist will use false reasons to contact you. It could be random questions like “What’s the word you always use to refer to beautiful countryside?” Or “There’s a movie on Netflix that I know you’ll love.”

Remember, it’s not about you, it’s about them calling you back to manipulate you again.

8. The narcissist pretends nothing happened
   You know the relationship is over; I’ve said that many times. As far as you’re concerned, I’ve moved on. Then your ex suddenly shows up at your home or workplace as if nothing is wrong. They act as if you are still friends. This is another gaslighting trick.

9. They become clingy

When the narcissist realizes that you are ending the relationship, he or she becomes desperate to hold on to you. Once they think their supply has run out, they feel it and become clingy and needy. These are desperate attempts to pull you back.

10. They feel guilty
    Some narcissistic tricks involve exploiting your weaknesses. If you have a caring nature, the narcissist will use that to keep you in the relationship. They will make themselves the victim and put the responsibility of their care in your hands.
11. They threaten to harm themselves or commit suicide
    One of the biggest signs of narcissism is the threat of self-harm. How can you not respond to a text or call from your ex telling you he’s going to kill himself? Well, you don’t have to answer them. Instead, call emergency services if you think they may be in danger.
12. They connect with you with nostalgic memories
    The narcissist will pull at your heartstrings in any way possible to get you back. They can post pictures on your social media of special places you visited together. Or they may repost a memory with a comment expressing their sadness after the breakup.
13. They create drama to get your attention
    If threats of suicide or self-harm don’t work, there are other ways to create drama to get your attention. If you have children together, they will be late or not show up at the pickup time. They pretend to have serious illnesses like cancer to get you to contact them. They post hospital photos online or leave cryptic messages such as,

“I can’t go on like this anymore.”

14. They make up outrageous claims about you
    One surefire way to force your response is to make up something so strange about yourself that you have to respond. Lies like “I know you slept with my dad” or “Why did you steal money from my cousin?” It forces you into a corner where you have to defend yourself.

15. They take advantage of your fear of abandonment
    When we invest time and effort into a relationship, it’s hard to let go. However, if you have had abandonment issues since childhood, it will be more difficult.

Any good manipulator will sense this about you. This is why so many of us stay in abusive relationships, because being alone is worse. The narcissist will play on your fears, telling you that he wants to take care of you and protect you. This is all nonsense, of course. They don’t give a toss about you.

16. “Why can’t we just be friends?”
    Seems innocent enough. Let’s part on good terms and remain friends. In any other “normal” relationship, I would say this is a civilized way to deal with exes. But not with a narcissist.

This is an insidious form of narcissistic ecstasy. They want something from you. You are still useful to them, whether it is money, housing, attention, or whatever they need from you.

17. They spread false rumors about you
    If someone started a nasty rumor about you and it wasn’t true, you would stand up to them, wouldn’t you? This is exactly what your narcissistic ex is hoping for. They just need to “in”. They don’t care whether it’s a negative or positive approach.
18. The narcissist calls you on special occasions
    The narcissist may use special dates or events as an excuse to contact you. It’s a perfect form of narcissistic levitation and can work well if you don’t understand the manipulation behind it. The following messages will help you get back into your life:

“Good luck on your exam today.”

Happy birthday for tomorrow. I wanted to be the first to message you.

“Thinking of you on your father’s funeral.”

These are the signs, but why do narcissists hover?

Why do narcissists hoover?

Narcissists hover because they need constant validation. Inside, they are empty, lacking emotion, compassion, character, and empathy. The narcissist depends on others for existence. They need an audience, a supply of attention. He threatens the narcissist when his supply runs out.

They resort to any action necessary to regain that supply. Narcissists often keep several sources of supply on the go at any given time. It is a bit like the way a hyena stores many carcasses so that they can return at their leisure and pick up the meat.

What a narcissist really is

Narcissistic flight is not love. When a narcissistic ex contacts you, he or she is telling you that his current supply is not working well and he needs you to fill that void. They want to overcome their ego and think you are too easy to choose, so they choose you.

It’s not a compliment, it shows how little they think about you.

How to stop a wandering narcissist

The only way to stop a wandering narcissist is to not contact him. Block them, don’t interact with anything, ignore their messages/threats/cries for help. Pay them no attention and you will stop feeding their supply. Think of them as the addict and you as the drug.

“The narcissist’s ability to influence you is what gives him power over you.”

finalthoughts

Narcissistic levitation comes in different forms, but it has the same purpose; To reconnect. The narcissist wants something from you. No contact is the way you can prevent them from manipulating you repeatedly.