Future faking is a manipulation tactic commonly used by narcissists and other individuals with similar traits to create illusions of commitment and idealize future scenarios. By making grand promises about a future together, narcissists can manipulate their partners into staying in the relationship or behaving in a desired way. This article explores the mechanisms of future faking, why narcissists employ it, and its impact on relationships.
1. Understanding Future Faking
Future faking refers to the practice of making promises about future events, plans, or goals that are unlikely to ever come true. It is a tactic used to create hope, emotional investment, or a sense of security in a relationship, often without any intention of following through. Examples of future faking can include:
- Promising a Long-Term Commitment: Narcissists may discuss marriage, moving in together, or future plans to build a family, even though they don’t intend to commit long-term.
- Discussing Life Milestones: Future faking can involve talking about career plans, travel, financial goals, or lifestyle changes that they claim to want to pursue with their partner.
- Creating Immediate False Hopes: In some cases, future faking can be used to manipulate immediate outcomes, like promising a date or trip that they will later cancel or forget, effectively keeping their partner on an emotional rollercoaster.
2. Why Narcissists Use Future Faking
Future faking is appealing to narcissists for several reasons, all of which cater to their need for control, admiration, and personal gratification:
- Maintaining Control: By creating a compelling vision of the future, narcissists can manipulate their partner’s behavior. Their partner may go to great lengths to maintain the relationship, fearing that any disagreement or sign of dissatisfaction will jeopardize the promised future.
- Earning Admiration and Attention: Narcissists thrive on admiration, and future faking allows them to bask in the praise and excitement of their partner, who becomes eager and invested in their shared vision. This attention satisfies the narcissist’s desire for admiration and importance.
- Avoiding Accountability: Future faking enables narcissists to avoid accountability for their current behavior. When confronted about present issues, they can shift the focus to future promises, dismissing concerns as “temporary issues” that will resolve once the “future” comes.
3. The Emotional and Psychological Impact of Future Faking
Future faking often leaves a lasting impact on the partner, who may feel confused, betrayed, or emotionally drained after the reality of the deception sets in. This impact can manifest in several ways:
- Emotional Manipulation and Dependency: By consistently creating false hope, narcissists can make their partners dependent on them, holding the promise of a better future as a way to keep them invested in the relationship, even when their needs aren’t being met.
- Erosion of Trust and Self-Esteem: When the partner eventually realizes that the promised future is unlikely to happen, they may feel betrayed, questioning their judgment and self-worth. Repeated future faking erodes trust, not only in the narcissist but also in the partner’s own instincts.
- Cycle of Hurt and Hope: Future faking often creates a pattern where promises are made, disappointment follows, and then new promises are made. This cycle of hurt and hope can make it difficult for the partner to leave the relationship, as they may continue to believe that things will improve.
In summary, future faking is a manipulation tactic that narcissists use to control and manipulate their partners by creating an illusion of a promising future. By understanding the nature of future faking, individuals can better recognize red flags, establish boundaries, and make informed decisions about their relationships. Recognizing this behavior can be a crucial first step in protecting oneself from its emotional impact.
