Can you distinguish between selfish behavior and innocent forgetfulness or a lack of social skills and intentional emotional abuse? All people need social support, interaction, love, kindness, and cooperation from their community. We are also responsible for our actions and self-care without expecting others to do our work on our behalf. It is human nature to put our own needs first and to “give to receive”. But sometimes people with low self-esteem and an exaggerated sense of entitlement take emotional abuse.
Do you know someone who always makes promises but it turns out the only thing you can count on is that they will never follow through? They flatter themselves and say things to make you feel special to elicit your loyalty, sympathy, or cooperation. They ask for special favors if you do them they will come back in the future. They will put in a good word for the boss about the job promotion. You’ll get more business for you if you do landscaping at a deep discount. You comply because you want to be a good person (which, you’ll find out, is a sign of codependency). Then, when the time comes to carry out their word, they make excuses that place the blame squarely on your lap. These are typical traits of an abuser or even a narcissistic personality disorder.
Until you learn the signs of emotional and narcissistic abuse, you leave yourself vulnerable to manipulation. Several types of abusers appear in different social situations. The narcissistic boss or friend. abusive spouse. Narcissism, emotional abuse, and other controlling personality behaviors derive from an early childhood experience that caused an imperfect attachment. Attachment psychology, the formation of confidence and self-identity in early childhood, is the basis of research into emotional abuse and its narcissistic counterpart.
Although the person causing the emotional abuse may appear as if they are aware of and in control of their feelings, their selfish and bossy behaviors betray their deeply wounded ego and self-doubt. There is a deeper hidden dynamic going on. Every abuser or narcissist who seeks to reform their ego should have someone to rely on.
