We’ve probably all heard about codependency and how being overly dependent on another person can leave you vulnerable to repetitive behavioral cycles. But what about counterdependence?

Here we discover what codependency is, the impact it can have on your life, and the signs that you may be codependent.

What is codependency and why is it unhealthy?

Overall, in any healthy family, workplace, or relationship, some level of dependency is a positive thing.

A reasonable degree of dependency means:

Rely on people to support you.

Being able to share the problem and being confident that you will get the help you need.
Contentment and confidence in your life, career, or relationship, knowing that you can share responsibilities.
Codependency is just the opposite, something that is in stark contrast to interdependence, but can be just as harmful.

Therefore, the definition of counterdependence is the rejection of attachment, familiarity, and any type of dependence on others.

Self-reliant people are opposed to confidence. They shy away from intimacy or friendships and feel exposed and unhappy when relying on anyone for anything.

This can be described as “avoidant attachment” – making a concerted effort not to become attached to anything at all.

Often, counterdependence is a personality trait that arises from childhood trauma or being forced to become independent at a very young age, leaving the person extremely resistant to feeling dependent on others, often to the extreme.

What is the difference between autonomy and counterdependence?

Of course, sometimes, being self-sufficient and not having to depend on anyone else is nice!

Everyone wants to have their own level of independence to make decisions, manage situations, and determine the course of their lives.

However, independence is about recognizing your confidence and self-reliance, but not resisting asking for support when you need it.

Some effects of interdependence include:

Inability to form relationships or open up to people.

Suffering from severe self-criticism, anxiety, and lack of confidence.
You find it impossible to relax, let go, or relax.
Feeling lonely and sad but unable to express those feelings.
Feeling ashamed and embarrassed if you need help.
The happy medium is best described as interdependence. That is, you are satisfied with yourself, you can make your own decisions, and you are not controlled by anyone else’s behavior.

However, you can form sustainable relationships, and are not afraid to be vulnerable or lean on others when needed.

Ten signs you may be dependent on

Do you recognize any of these descriptions and think you may be codependent?

Here are some key signs to watch out for:

You are hesitant to get into a relationship and resist close friendships because you fear that you will lose your sense of self if you let someone into your life.

You tend to be very independent, even in situations that do not require it, and you refuse to ask for support even when you are in desperate need of help.

You believe that asking for help is shameful, embarrassing, and a sign of weakness – and you will avoid doing so at all costs.

You keep your emotions very close to your chest and worry about letting anyone into your life who might see through your armor.

You push people away, even if you like them, because it’s better to be alone than to feel exposed and vulnerable by having intimate relationships.

You care more about success and achieving fixed goals than happiness. You may work long hours, pour your energy into your career, or find jobs to do so to ensure that you can avoid any social interactions.
You are impatient, goal-oriented, and find others frustrating. If you have to deal with people in the team, you quickly become grumpy and blunt and prefer to do all the work yourself.

You are very critical of yourself and will spend a lot of time and effort on your appearance and presentation of your work. You shy away from relaxing or communicating about anything emotional.
You blame others when things go wrong and expect others to be less capable, less competent, and less trustworthy than you.

You’ve always been independent, so expect it to always be that way. The thought of relying on someone else fills you with fear.

Some of these traits are completely normal in moderation. From time to time, we can feel that it would be easier to finish work independently, especially when working with less experienced people.

However, there is great value in sharing your skills, knowledge and passion.

It can be a healthy learning curve for everyone to have the confidence to take a step back and understand that you don’t have to take responsibility 100% of the time.

How to work around anti-dependency solution

For most codependent people, this is not a sudden change or personality trait; It is a defense mechanism that can be isolating and debilitating.