Have you ever wondered if your relationship was meant to last? Maybe it was—but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re soulmates, or that your relationship was meant to last. Instead, it might be a karmic relationship.

Here’s an overview of what a karmic relationship is, common signs you might be in a karmic relationship, and how to know when it’s time to walk away.

WhatIsAKramRelationship?

A karmic relationship is a relationship that is meant to facilitate the lessons we need to learn in this life surrounding love and partnership. Chances are, each of us will have one of these karmic relationships in our lifetime. They can be considered a kind of soulmate relationship, because they’re a connection between two souls, though they’re different from the kind of soulmates that heal by nature. These relationships aren’t exactly smooth sailing. It’s the love that pushes your buttons—and pushes you to grow.

From a spiritual perspective, the idea behind karmic relationships is that you agreed before your souls entered this life, to help each other on your paths. “Often, there are a lot of unresolved issues from a past life,” explains relationship counselor Dr. Margaret Paul. “When people are open to learning rather than trying to control each other, a lot of healing can happen.”

So karmic relationships are like mentors or teachers. They’re usually temporary. “They’re meant to help you grow on a soul level in often difficult push-and-pull ways,” says Shannon Kaiser, author of The Self-Love Experience. “But they’re not usually meant to last long. That’s because you’re coming together in this life to clear your karma. It’s often a balancing act for a bad experience from a past life.”

Signs You’re in a Karmic Relationship

1. There’s an instant connection

The most obvious sign, Paul says, is that you feel like you’ve known the person before. “Sometimes you get a really good feeling about it, but sometimes there’s some fear associated with it, depending on the nature of the karma.”

2. There’s a lot of drama

These relationships are turbulent. “If drama is the foundation of your relationship, you’re likely in a karmic relationship,” says Kaiser. The situation may become toxic—a sign that the dynamic needs to be healed or ended.

3. Things Feel Off-By-Step

Have you noticed a lot of warning signs, even in the early stages of a relationship? Sometimes these warning signs are part of the lesson the relationship is supposed to teach you, whether that means learning how to address the toxic behaviors you bring into the relationship or how to avoid such unhealthy dynamics in the future.

4. They Make You Feel Frustrated

“If you feel frustrated and misunderstood, you’re likely in a karmic relationship,” Kaiser adds. That’s because karmic relationships are rarely perfect unions; they’re about growth, usually through painful means.

5. They’re Unpleasant to Be Around

For whatever reason, and it may be a feeling you can’t quite pinpoint, you find their presence overwhelming and annoying. Yet, despite the dissatisfaction, you don’t want to let go of them—even though you know you should.

6. They’re Addictive

Karmic relationships quickly become consuming, even despite the aforementioned issues like stress or unexplainable frustration.

7. There’s a lot of misunderstanding

“There’s usually a lot of push and pull and misunderstanding,” notes Kaiser. These misunderstandings can help us show what we value and expect in a relationship or where healing needs to happen.

8. There’s a lot of ups and downs

Things aren’t set in stone, and while you may have good, even wonderful, days where everything seems perfect, there’s a part of you that knows it’s only a matter of time before things go wrong.

9. They’re repetitive

These ups and downs tend to repeat themselves, over and over again. Likewise, you may encounter the same issues that carried over from a previous relationship, indicating a lesson to be learned.

10. They become codependent

Karmic relationships tend to become codependent quickly. You may feel like you have no choice but to give them all of your time and energy.

11. They bring your fears to light

This person will bring all of your fears to the surface: about love, your future, and your relationship in general. Any past traumas will be brought to light—you can’t escape them.

12. They bring out the worst in you

The extreme nature of a karmic rollercoaster relationship can bring out the worst in even the most rational person. You may turn into someone you don’t know, or even like, around this person. As Paul explains, “Unless people learn from unresolved issues in the past, they can create huge problems in the relationship.”

13. They exhaust you

All the ups and downs, misunderstandings, and codependency can be energetically, mentally, and emotionally draining, especially when they’re around you.

14. You feel like you can’t let go of your partner

You may find excuses for your partner despite all of these things because your relationship is so strong and you feel like you were meant to be with them.

15. It doesn’t last

Since karmic relationships can often become unhealthy, it’s important to realize that the goal isn’t to stay in this toxic dynamic. The goal is to learn from what doesn’t work and to move on. Eventually, when you’re ready and have learned the lessons you were meant to learn, you’ll move on together.

WhenKarmicRelationshipsTurnToxic

Even two people who are well-intentioned in love can end up in a toxic relationship, and that’s often the nature of a karmic relationship. According to Kaiser, you can tell when a situation is getting worse when nothing is changing, which is a sign that you or your partner aren’t learning the lessons you’re being offered.

Another sign you might need to escape your karmic relationship? “You don’t trust yourself,” says Kaiser, and you’re staying despite what’s best for your well-being. “If your soul is suffocating, it’s time to examine yourself and give yourself permission to leave,” she emphasizes.

In general, self-love is very important if you realize you might be in a karmic relationship. “If you’ve been ignoring red flags or negotiating your feelings of anxiety, this may be an opportunity to practice self-love and faith in yourself,” she says. “The best thing you can do if you think you’re in a karmic relationship that’s become toxic is to recognize that you deserve to be happy and focus on your relationship with yourself.”

Here’s our complete guide on when to leave a relationship. For karmic relationships in particular, Kaiser also recommends seeing a medium, psychic, energy healer or past-life specialist to learn more about the karma that’s working to balance and clear it.

What about soulmates and twin flames?

You may be wondering if you’re dealing with a karmic relationship versus a soulmate or twin flame. According to Kaiser, the main distinction is this: karmic relationships are about growth, while soulmates and twin flames are about healing.

“A soulmate is a person or people who are compatible with your soul and can change or influence your soul in many profound ways,” she says. “They can be friends, family members, or even pets. A soulmate, also known as a twin flame, is the other half of your soul, and they always have a divine union for a divine purpose.”

Related Story:

No matter what you call it, it helps to understand the patterns in any relationship—especially toxic ones. Knowing if you’re in a karmic relationship can help you move forward and work through whatever lessons that person presents themselves—so when you do move on, you’ll be prepared for a love that lasts.