The narcissistic parent doesn’t worry about favoring one child over another because each child has a specific role in the narcissistic drama.
They project their own failures and insecurities onto the scapegoat while glorifying and cherishing the golden child.
As the golden child matures, they often develop their own narcissistic tendencies, and understandably so.
They have been constantly told that they are special and may internalize this grandiose sense of self. But in some circumstances, the golden child may awaken to toxic dynamics at play within the family.
Such an awakening can profoundly affect the golden child when they realize that their parent’s affection and approval were not really about them but rather a way for the narcissistic parent to satisfy their own needs for admiration and control.
What Happens When a Golden Child Wakes Up?
Most golden children cling to the narrative of the narcissistic parent throughout their lives, refusing to awaken to the reality of the situation because being a golden child is beneficial to them.
Not only that, but they have come to rely on their narcissistic parent’s validation and have been conditioned to depend on them for emotional and even financial support.
When the golden child awakens, it shatters the illusion they were raised to believe in.
When they awaken, they realize that their privileged position in the family was never about their true worth or individuality but rather was a strategic tool used by the narcissistic parent to serve their own ego-driven needs.
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Such a revelation triggers a seismic shift that dismantles the carefully constructed facade of the ideal family dynamic.
The golden child begins to understand that their parent’s favoritism is a means to an end—a way to exert control, maintain power, and perpetuate their own delusions of grandeur.
This awakening often sparks an emotional journey. Initial feelings of shock and disbelief quickly give way to a complex mix of emotions.
The golden child may struggle with feelings of betrayal, anger, and hurt as they confront the stark contrast between the image they were presented with and the harsh reality they now see.
Furthermore, the awakening leads to self-discovery and a quest for authenticity. Stripped of the false narratives and artificial roles of the narcissistic parent, the golden child embarks on a journey to find their identity and purpose outside the confines of their assigned role.
This process can be both liberating and challenging. The golden child may need to confront their own narcissistic tendencies that have developed due to their upbringing.
They must also navigate the complex terrain of relationships, redefining their connections with family members and others.
How does this awareness affect the golden child?
As the golden child gains insight into the true nature of their parents’ behavior, it has a profound effect on them, and several transformations may occur:
Identity Crisis
The golden child has grown up believing that they are better than everyone else and deserve special treatment.
When they awaken to the truth about their parents’ behavior, this illusion is shattered, leaving the golden child to question who they really are and whether they are worthy of love.
Guilt and Confusion
Feelings of guilt and confusion may arise as the golden child questions their place in the family and the impact that their compliance with their parents’ demands has had on their siblings.
They may feel guilty about the preferential treatment they have received and seek to make amends with siblings they have seen treated with disdain.
Shattered Illusions
The golden child used to believe that their parent truly loved them, but now that illusion is shattered by the realization that their love has always been conditional.
The golden child could only be considered perfect and loved by continuing to perform and remain complicit in the demands of the narcissistic parent—it had nothing to do with their identity as a person.
When they realize that the love and approval they received was conditional and that their parent’s behavior was manipulative and selfish, the foundations of this relationship are torn apart, leaving the golden child frustrated and confused.
Searching for Authenticity
The golden child may crave authentic connections and relationships, something they were denied in the role of the favored child.
They may strive to break free from the constraints of their assigned role and discover their true identity and potential.
To achieve this, the golden child may need to distance themselves from their narcissistic parent in order to begin developing an identity independent of this toxic relationship.
This rejection of the narcissistic parent is often painful, and the resulting narcissistic rage may force the golden child to abandon their goals and return to the role of the golden child.
Anger and Resentment
Once the golden child realizes the extent of the manipulation and emotional abuse they endured, they may feel intense anger and resentment toward their parent.
They may also internalize this anger toward themselves, blaming themselves for unwittingly participating in this farce.
How does this affect other family members?
As a result of the awakening journey, the golden child may develop a deeper sense of empathy and compassion toward the scapegoat and other family members who suffered at the hands of the narcissistic parent.
This can lead to a closer relationship between the scapegoat and the golden child. It can also trigger feelings of guilt in the golden child as they realize how complicit they were in the past in dysfunctional family dynamics.
They may feel remorse for their role in perpetuating the narcissistic parent’s manipulation and favoritism.
This newfound empathy can also ignite a desire within the golden child to seek reconciliation and healing with the scapegoat and other family members.
How Often Do Golden Children Wake Up?
Most golden children never wake up to the truth of their parents’ behavior, choosing to cling to a facade that protects their desired status.
Those who do wake up may do so suddenly or may experience several moments of awakening.
Some golden children may experience a gradual awakening over time, due to moments of insight, personal growth, or exposure to different perspectives.
Others may suddenly become aware of more truths through significant life events, therapy, or interactions with individuals who offer alternative perspectives.
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I know a scapegoat whose golden child awakened in his twenties only to come back under the influence of his parents in his thirties.
During the awakening, the relationship between the siblings strengthened, only to be torn apart when he re-embraced the toxic dynamics of his narcissistic parent in his thirties.
In this scenario, the golden child chose the illusion of favoritism over the reality of true self-discovery and personal growth.
Despite experiencing an initial awakening in his twenties, where he began to question the dynamics and manipulation within the family, he eventually succumbed to the entrenched patterns established by his narcissistic parent.
What does a golden child become when they grow up?
Many golden children exhibit narcissistic traits as a result of their favored upbringing. They are raised to believe that they are better than everyone around them and take this self-perception with them into adulthood.
Some golden children may be more self-aware but unable to escape the clutches of a narcissistic parent.
They may feel guilty if they try to distance themselves from their family or struggle to establish a clear sense of self without their parent’s approval.
Golden children are often perfectionists or overachievers because they have learned to tie their self-worth to their ability to perform and be the best.
Likewise, they often become obsessed with pleasing people because their identity has always been tied to their ability to please others.
No matter the scenario, the adult child has no real self-identity, making it difficult to form stable relationships.
What Happens to a Golden Child When a Narcissistic Mother Dies?
The golden child is vulnerable to devastation from the death of their narcissistic mother, especially if they have also developed narcissistic tendencies and relied on her as a source of validation and admiration.
In some cases, the golden child may replace their mother, taking on her role as the narcissist and subjecting their siblings to the same abuse they suffered at her hands.
In other scenarios, the death of the narcissistic mother can completely destabilize the golden child’s sense of identity.
No longer reflected in their mother’s eyes, they feel empty and lost as they struggle to define themselves outside of this role.
This can lead to bouts of depression and anxiety that may force the golden child to seek professional support as they grapple with feelings of abandonment and confusion.
While the death of the narcissistic mother is destabilizing, it can also catalyze the golden child’s transformation.
As they break free from the strangling grip of their parents’ manipulations, they can embark on a path of true self-discovery and personal growth.
What If You Were Married to a Golden Child?
A golden child carries the effects of their upbringing into their adult life, posing specific challenges to those around them, especially their partners or spouses.
They are accustomed to admiration and praise and may expect you to continue this treatment, putting their needs above yours and expecting you to constantly validate and admire them.
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After being idealized for so long, a golden child may believe they are perfect and may have difficulty accepting criticism or dealing with conflict in a healthy way.
They may be sensitive to any perceived slights and struggle to communicate openly about relationship issues.
If your spouse’s narcissistic parent is still in the picture, their dynamics may impact your relationship.
Your spouse may respect the narcissistic parent’s opinion over yours or even fail to consider your feelings as long as the narcissistic parent’s needs are met.
If you are married to a golden child who is awakening to their parent’s narcissistic behavior, you may need to support them through their subsequent identity crisis.
You may need to help them release their narcissistic inventory and discover a sense of self that is not dependent on the validation of others.
