One of the most toxic people you will encounter in family court is a narcissist.

When it comes to a divorce case, a narcissist is often faced with someone who has very low self-esteem.

Narcissists are often the cause of low self-esteem because they have eroded their partner’s self-image through a variety of means throughout the marriage.

In court, the narcissist will come across as confident, calm, and sure-footed while their victim often appears stressed, frustrated, and completely insecure.

The victim may be willing to give up almost everything just to get her own life back. She may not feel like a good mother to her children, as the narcissist has made sure she feels inadequate.

Dealing with someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) in the family court system is a daunting task. It won’t be easy, but you can make a conscious decision to be a survivor rather than continue to be a victim.

Knowledge is power, and education and preparation can mean the difference between winning and being a victim again. The trick to beating a narcissist in court is two-fold.

First: Catch them lying when they are on the stand.

But, you must have irrefutable evidence of lying, evidence that is admissible in court under the rules of evidence or incontestable testimony.

When confronted with evidence that incriminates narcissists, they will react with anger, more lies (which will be obvious to everyone except themselves) and will actively work to discredit themselves.

Second: Your attorney must structure the cross-examination of the narcissist so that he or she allows the narcissist to inflate his or her grandiose ego. Sometimes it is enough to allow the narcissist to be himself or herself.

How to Deal with a Narcissist in Court?

Narcissists are often vindictive and often stalk and harass. There are two ways to deal with vindictive narcissists:

1. Intimidate Them

Narcissists live in a state of constant anger, repressed aggression, envy and hatred.

They are paranoid, suspicious and fearful. Intimidating a narcissist is a powerful behavior modification tool.

Related : The Narcissist Keeps Coming Back and Contacting Me

If the narcissist is scared enough – he will withdraw and give up everything he was fighting for and sometimes even make things right.

For this method to be effective, you need to identify the narcissist’s weaknesses and deliver repeated, escalating blows to him until he is deterred.

Example:

If the narcissist is hiding a personal truth, use this to threaten him.

Drop vague hints that there are mysterious witnesses and recently uncovered evidence.

The narcissist has a very vivid imagination; let his imagination do the rest.

The narcissist may be involved in tax evasion, medical negligence, child abuse, or adultery—there are many possibilities, all of which provide a rich vein for attack.

If this is done intelligently, unemotionally, and with escalation, the narcissist will withdraw and disappear.

You don’t have to do much except utter a vague signal, offer an ominous hint, or suggest a possible turn of events.

The narcissist’s imagination and madness will do the rest for you.

All of these activities must be pursued legally, preferably through the services of a good law firm and in broad daylight.

If done wrong – it can constitute blackmail, harassment, molestation and a host of other criminal offenses.

2. Lure Them In

Another way to neutralize a vengeful narcissist is to offer him or her a continuous supply of narcissistic favors until the war is over and you win.

By dazzling him or her with the lure of narcissistic favors – the narcissist becomes instantly tamed, forgets his or her vengeful impulses and triumphantly seizes his or her “property” and “territory”.

Under the influence of narcissistic favors, the narcissist is unable to realize that he or she is being manipulated.

You can get a narcissist to do almost anything by offering, withholding or threatening to withhold narcissistic favors (flattery, admiration, attention, sex, awe, submission, etc.).

8 Tips for Overcoming a Narcissist in Court

Prepare Yourself for the Legal Battle: Many communities offer free divorce workshops, support groups or clinics through the court. Spend a day in the courtroom you’ve been assigned to and learn the judge’s or commissioner’s style, courtroom procedures, and the strategies that attorneys use.

Be prepared: Be prepared for the fact that many of your friends will fall prey to the narcissist’s smear campaign. Because the general public is uneducated about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, many of them will fall prey to his or her evil tactics. Remember, you too once believed what he or she told you. Narcissists will never accept that they were involved in the breakdown of a marriage. Take the high road and eventually, the narcissist will show his or her true colors.

Document everything: Keep a daily diary of daily events and write down every event, no matter how big or small. For example: “Documentation: August 15, 2013 – No show for visitation” or something similar.

Be organized: You need to find a system that works for you. While there are a variety of ways to stay organized, the most common method is the folder method. Keep a folder for each year and keep things in chronological order.
… – Practice Acceptance: You have to accept the fact that you will never win in the mind of the narcissist. You will not be able to change his distorted thinking no matter how many times you remind him of the true version of the story. You have to accept that you are not dealing with a rational person; acceptance is the key to moving forward.

Maintain your composure in court: Maintain your composure, focus, and keep your emotions outside the courtroom. The narcissist will throw all his problems and flaws at you. Respond to false allegations calmly with reliable and factual information. Do not get caught up in defending every minor claim no matter how tempting it is to get the story right. This is the time to choose your battles wisely. It is very easy to get upset while listening to testimony due to dishonesty and manipulation. Listen calmly and take notes. Do not allow yourself to get sidetracked and angry. Stay focused and calm at all times.

1. Write reminder notes: You have to remind yourself that you are dealing with a narcissist. If necessary, write yourself a little note that says, “Reminder: I am dealing with a narcissist” and stick it at the front of your file. Don’t expect a narcissist to follow the law, rules, or protocol of any kind. Expect lies, vicious attacks, and strange, unpredictable behavior.

Final Thoughts

What happens when a narcissist loses in court? In short, the best way to deal with a narcissist in court is to play it cool and let them hang themselves on their own rope.

Narcissists will make outrageous claims and demands. Let them swear and brag…the worse their behavior, the better for you.

Related : The Narcissist and Second Marriage – Do They Remarry Quickly?

Stay calm, and show the court and the judge how rational and healthy you are, and how demanding and bullying the narcissist is. Most judges are excellent surveyors of human nature and can see through narcissists for who they really are.

Remember, though, that when all is said and done, family law courts typically don’t care about the emotional aspects of your divorce.

Most states are “no-fault” divorce states; despite the fact that judges are human beings and have feelings, they usually care about the numbers and custody issues.

Judges are experienced at ignoring all the drama, but if you can get a narcissist to lie under oath, they will lose credibility with the judge.