When two narcissists enter into a romantic relationship, it creates a unique dynamic marked by competition, volatility, and power struggles. Narcissistic traits, such as the need for admiration, lack of empathy, and self-centeredness, can complicate any relationship, but when both partners exhibit these traits, the challenges are amplified. Here’s a look at the dynamics of a relationship between two narcissists, the potential conflicts that arise, and the reasons such a relationship often becomes turbulent.
1. Competing for Attention and Admiration
Both narcissists in the relationship will likely crave constant validation and admiration. Because they each want to be the center of attention, conflicts can arise over who “deserves” the most admiration, either from each other or from people around them. In social settings, each narcissist may feel compelled to outshine the other, leading to competition rather than genuine support. This rivalry can create tension and a lack of emotional intimacy, as both are focused on their own needs for validation rather than fostering a mutual connection.
2. Power Struggles and Dominance Games
Narcissists typically seek control in relationships, often aiming to set the terms and influence their partner’s decisions and behavior. When two narcissists date, they may frequently clash over who holds the “upper hand.” This can lead to a power struggle, with each attempting to assert dominance or undermine the other’s authority. Power dynamics in the relationship may shift frequently, with each partner trying to maintain control while resisting attempts to be controlled. These ongoing battles can create a volatile atmosphere and prevent any lasting stability.
3. Lack of Emotional Intimacy and Trust
Emotional intimacy requires empathy, vulnerability, and the willingness to connect on a deeper level—traits that are often deficient in narcissists. Because both partners may have difficulty empathizing with each other’s feelings, their relationship can lack genuine warmth or understanding. Narcissists are also known to guard themselves against emotional vulnerability, fearing that revealing insecurities might be seen as weakness. As a result, their relationship may be shallow, marked by superficial exchanges rather than meaningful bonding, and an overall lack of trust.
4. Frequent Jealousy and Envy
Narcissists are highly competitive and may become jealous if their partner achieves something significant or receives more attention. Instead of celebrating each other’s successes, they may feel resentful or envious, viewing their partner’s achievements as a threat. This constant comparison and jealousy can create an atmosphere of resentment, as each partner tries to one-up the other rather than offering support. In extreme cases, this jealousy can lead to attempts to sabotage each other’s achievements or undermine their confidence.
Related : Why You Should Never Ask a Narcissist “Why?”
5. Constant Criticism and Devaluation
Narcissists often engage in cycles of idealization and devaluation, initially putting their partner on a pedestal only to later criticize and belittle them. When both partners exhibit narcissistic tendencies, these cycles may play out in an exaggerated form. They may idealize each other at first, but as the relationship progresses, they are more likely to criticize and devalue each other as a way of establishing superiority. This dynamic can create a toxic pattern of tearing each other down, leading to hostility and contempt.
6. Increased Risk of Gaslighting and Manipulation
Narcissists are skilled at manipulation, often using tactics like gaslighting to gain control or protect their self-image. When two narcissists are in a relationship, these manipulative tactics can be used against each other, leading to a “game-playing” dynamic where both partners try to one-up or deceive each other. Each may attempt to control the narrative or paint themselves as the “victim” or “hero” in conflicts, making communication and conflict resolution challenging. The result is often a cycle of dishonesty, blame-shifting, and psychological manipulation.
7. Potential for Intense Conflict and Drama
Narcissistic relationships are often characterized by intense emotions and dramatic conflicts. When both partners are prone to narcissistic rage or extreme emotional reactions, arguments can escalate quickly and become highly confrontational. Each partner may feel justified in their anger and may not hesitate to insult, criticize, or accuse the other during disputes. This constant state of emotional tension can lead to frequent breakups and reconciliations, creating an unstable and exhausting dynamic for both individuals.
8. Difficulty with Long-Term Commitment
Relationships between two narcissists are often short-lived due to the ongoing conflict and lack of emotional fulfillment. Narcissists are prone to seeking out new sources of admiration and validation, especially if their current relationship is not meeting these needs. As a result, they may be more likely to pursue other relationships, leading to infidelity or a pattern of serial dating. Commitment can be challenging for narcissists, as they are often focused on their own desires rather than building a long-term partnership based on mutual respect and support.
Why Do Two Narcissists Get Together?
Despite the challenges, two narcissists may be drawn to each other initially due to shared traits. They might find the other’s confidence, charm, or ambition attractive, seeing these qualities as a reflection of their own values. Both may enjoy the initial admiration and attention, feeling that they’ve found someone who understands and appreciates them. However, as the relationship progresses, their shared narcissistic tendencies often lead to conflict, as each realizes that their partner’s needs mirror their own, leading to a clash of competing desires and insecurities.
Conclusion: The Unsustainable Nature of Narcissistic Relationships
When two narcissists date, their relationship often becomes marked by competition, manipulation, and a lack of genuine connection. The need for power, validation, and control can lead to a tumultuous and emotionally draining experience. While such relationships may have moments of excitement or intensity, they rarely provide the stability or fulfillment needed for long-term happiness. Understanding these dynamics can help individuals recognize the challenges of dating someone with similar narcissistic traits and evaluate whether such a relationship aligns with their own well-being and emotional health.
