You probably know this scenario all too well: You ask a narcissist a question, and you don’t get a straight answer. They seem to find a way to evade the question, confusing you.
Maybe you ask a second time and still don’t get an answer. Now you’re confused, annoyed, and even defeated.
Sometimes, you’re not sure if they’re evading your question. It seems like they are, but you worry that you might be losing your mind.
WhyDoTheyDoThis?
Don’t worry; you’re not losing your mind. If the narcissist doesn’t answer your questions, you didn’t do anything wrong. This is pretty typical narcissistic behavior.
A narcissist has something to gain by refusing to answer you directly. They’re either avoiding accountability for something they’ve done or they want to maintain power over you.
Related : 7 Reasons Why Narcissists Ignore You
Narcissists can’t accept responsibility for their mistakes. It’s very painful for their fragile ego.
They can also elevate their ego by remaining in control of your emotions. Failing to answer your question is one way they do this.
If you think a narcissist is evading your questions, trust your instincts. You’re probably right.
So what strategies will they use to avoid giving you answers? We’ll explore them below.
Narcissists’ Main Strategies for Evading Your Questions
Narcissists aren’t very original. They tend to recycle the same few manipulative strategies, because they work for them.
When you feel like they’re not answering your questions, look for one or more of the following tactics.
Distraction
Remember that a narcissist’s ego won’t allow them to take responsibility for their own shortcomings or mistakes. If you’re asking a question about something the other person did wrong, be prepared for them to refuse to answer.
Related : Things Narcissists Will Never Do
They’ll quickly change the subject to avoid answering the question, or they’ll focus excessively on minor details to distract you from what you’ve asked.
For example, if you ask them when they got home the night before, they might respond, “You mean when you got back to town?” and then criticize you for not being specific enough in your inquiry.
Or they might change the subject entirely. Ask them when they got home, and they’ll respond, “By the way, last night, did you stop by the store like you asked?”
These tactics prevent them from admitting that they got home much later than they promised.
MindManipulation
Mindmanipulation is one of the narcissists’ main manipulation strategies. Through mindmanipulation, the narcissist convinces their victims that they are crazy or simply imagining things.
You might find out that the narcissist has taken money from your bank account without permission. When you ask them, they might avoid accountability through mindmanipulation.
Their response might sound like, “Are you imagining that money is missing from your account again?” and then they criticize you for being paranoid.
Now you’re the problem. They’ve managed to avoid accountability because they’ve convinced you that you’re imagining things.
Related : 8 Reasons Why it’s So Hard to Leave a Narcissist
Before you know it, you’re defending yourself and trying to convince them that you’re not crazy. Meanwhile, your question remains unanswered.
Argumentation Signs
Narcissists are adept at using manipulation to get their way. If they’re trying to avoid a question, they’ll manipulate you by sparring over your choice of words.
Let’s say you caught them lying about where they were over the weekend. You might ask, “Why did you tell me you were at a baseball game with friends when you were actually at a club?”
They might respond, “Who uses the term club anymore? Normal people call it a bar!”
They’re aiming to make you feel ridiculous for even asking such a question. In their mind, since they were at a bar, not a club, your question isn’t valid at all.
This allows them, once again, to escape without giving you a direct answer.
Avoid the Conversation
Didn’t you know that the narcissist decides what you discuss? If they’re not willing to ask you a question, they can simply refuse to answer it!
When you ask a question they’d rather not address, they may avoid it altogether. They may tell you that they won’t discuss it now. Be careful, because they actually mean that they won’t discuss it at all.
If you try to press them again later, they’ll accuse you of resorting to nagging, continuing the cycle of avoidance.
Block You Completely
Sometimes, the narcissist will go beyond avoidance. Not only will they refuse to answer, they’ll ignore your question entirely.
Once you ask your question, they may huff and roll their eyes or get up and leave the room.
They’ll continue to block your conversation for the rest of the day, treating you with disregard. Not only are they avoiding your question, they’re punishing you for even asking it.
Their message is clear: Don’t ask such a question, or they won’t even give you the time of day.
BlameShifting
Blame shifting is one of narcissists’ most powerful weapons against taking responsibility. Consider this scenario: You’ve caught them lying, and you ask them about it.
Related : 7 Narcissist Hobbies that are Instant Red Flags
Instead of directly answering the question, they say, “I wouldn’t have done that if you weren’t so sensitive!”
They don’t explain the lie or answer any questions you have about it. Instead, they easily shift the blame onto you!
Now the focus is off them and their bad behavior. The problem isn’t that they lied; it’s that you made them do it!
What to Do When a Narcissist Avoids Your Questions
So, you’ve realized that a narcissist uses several strategies to avoid answering your questions. What do you do now?
The answers below may help.
Setting Boundaries
When a narcissist refuses to answer your questions, it’s crucial that you set boundaries. Tell them that you expect honest and clear communication.
If he or she is unable to be honest, tell him or her that you will be willing to discuss the matter when he or she can respect these boundaries.
Stay on task
A narcissist will likely use strategies such as deflection or manipulation to distract you from the question at hand. Don’t fall for these strategies.
When a narcissist distracts you from the question you asked, remind him or her of what you asked. He or she may accuse you of imagining things.
In this case, you might respond with, “I’m not imagining things. I asked you a question, and I’m waiting for your answer.”
ConsiderLeaving
In fact, you probably know the answer to your question, even if the narcissist doesn’t give you a straight answer. If they’re using strategies to evade your question, you’ve probably caught them in the act, and you know the truth.
If they refuse to answer, you might consider leaving. If you already know the truth, it’s not worth fighting.
Ultimately, you may have to accept that the narcissist will avoid answering your questions. You can expect them to engage in manipulative and exploitative behavior on an ongoing basis.
If you stay in the relationship, you’ll have to accept that there’s little or no chance of changing this behavior. Learn some acceptance and practice self-care to enhance your emotional well-being amidst the chaos.
