Have you ever experienced a situation where you felt attacked or criticized, instinctively going on the defensive? We’ve all been there. But what causes defensive behavior? And how can we mitigate it?

While some people are naturally defensive, defensive behavior is generally an instinctive response that arises when we perceive a threat to our self-esteem, beliefs, or actions. It acts as a protective shield that protects us from potential harm or emotional distress.

Let’s delve into the depths of defensive behavior, explore its characteristics, identify its signs, and uncover strategies for dealing with a defensive person.

What Is Defensive Behavior?

Defensive behavior encompasses a range of actions and reactions we use to protect ourselves from perceived threats or attacks. According to one study, defensive behavior is a social behavior that can be defined as “a behavioral response to threatening situations for the survival and physical safety of oneself and others.”

It’s an instinctive reaction triggered when we feel our self-image, thoughts, or actions are being challenged or undermined. Defensive behavior acts as a shield to protect our vulnerabilities and ward off potential harm.

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However, some individuals tend to be habitually defensive. A defensive person is typically hypersensitive to criticism or perceived threats and may often react with hostility or withdrawal.

A defensive person may have developed this behavior as a coping mechanism and use it as a means of self-preservation.

Now that we have a better understanding of defensive behavior, let’s look at the signs of defensive behavior, its causes, how to reduce it, and some helpful tips for dealing with a defensive person. What causes defensive behavior?

Signs_of_Defensive_Behavior_To_Know

Recognizing defensive behavior in ourselves and others can be helpful.

Here are some common signs of defensive behavior to look out for:

1. Overreaction

When a person reacts disproportionately to criticism or minor challenges, it may indicate defensiveness. Even constructive feedback may be met with exaggerated reactions.

2. Denial and Avoidance

Defensive people often deny or avoid taking responsibility for their actions or shortcomings. They may blame others or use avoidance tactics to avoid uncomfortable situations.

3. Counterattacks

A defensive person may resort to counterattacks when they feel threatened. Instead of addressing the issue at hand, they may attack the other person’s credibility or launch personal attacks.

4. Justification

Individuals who exhibit defensive behavior often over-justify their actions or beliefs. They may invent justifications to protect their self-image or maintain consistency in their worldview.

5. Selective Listening

Defensive behavior may manifest itself in selective listening, where a person excludes information that contradicts their beliefs or self-perception. This selective attention helps reinforce their existing ideas.

What Causes Defensive Behavior

Understanding the root causes of defensive behavior provides valuable insights into why we and others react defensively. Here are some of the key factors that contribute to defensive responses:

1. Fear of Failure

One of the main causes of defensive behavior is the fear of failure. When our self-worth is closely tied to our accomplishments, any perceived criticism can be interpreted as a threat to our competence, triggering a defensive reaction.

2. Insecurity and Low Self-Esteem

Individuals with low self-esteem are more likely to exhibit defensive behavior. They may feel a constant need to protect themselves from perceived attacks on their self-worth, often resorting to defensive tactics to maintain their fragile confidence. This is what causes defensive behavior.

3. Identity Threats

When our core beliefs, values, or identity are questioned, we may respond defensively. Our identity forms an important part of our self-concept, and any threat to it can activate our defense mechanisms.

4. Poor Emotional Regulation

Poor emotional regulation skills may contribute to defensive behavior. When individuals struggle to manage their emotions effectively, they may resort to defensive responses as a way to protect themselves from emotional distress.

5. Past Traumatic Experiences

Previous experiences of trauma or emotional wounds may make individuals more susceptible to defensive behavior. They may have developed defensive behavior as a survival mechanism to protect themselves from further harm.

6. Learned Behavior

Defensive behavior can also be learned through observation and imitation. If individuals are exposed to defensive role models or witness rewards for defensive behavior, they may adopt these patterns themselves.

7. Lack of Trust

When trust is lacking in a relationship or environment, defensive behavior often arises. Individuals may feel the need to protect themselves due to their lack of trust in the intentions or actions of others. This causes defensive behavior in relationships.

Tips for Dealing with a Defensive Person: Dealing with a defensive person can be challenging, as their reactions and responses can often seem illogical or disproportionate. However, with patience, empathy, and effective communication strategies, interactions with defensive individuals can be managed. Now that we know the causes of defensive behavior, here are some tips for dealing with a defensive person:

1. Stay Calm and Poised

When faced with a defensive situation, it’s important to remain calm and poised. Avoid responding aggressively or defensively, as this can escalate the situation. Instead, take a deep breath and approach the conversation rationally.

2. Choose the Right Time and Place

Timing and environment play a crucial role in addressing defensive behavior. Find a convenient time and a private place where both parties can engage in conversation without distractions or interruptions. Creating a safe space for open dialogue can encourage a defensive person to lower their guard.

3. Use Non-Threatening Language

Your choice of words greatly influences a defensive person’s reaction. Phrase your statements and questions in a non-confrontational, non-accusatory manner.

Use “I” statements to express your thoughts and feelings, emphasizing that you share your perspective rather than attacking theirs. For example, instead of saying, “You always get defensive when someone criticizes you,” try saying, “I’ve noticed that I sometimes hesitate to offer feedback because I’m worried about how it will be received.”

4. Practice Active Listening

Practice active listening to demonstrate your genuine interest in understanding a defensive person’s perspective. Give them enough space to express themselves without interrupting.

Maintain eye contact, nod, and provide verbal cues to show that you’re actively engaged in the conversation. What causes defensive behavior?

5. Show Empathy and Acceptance

Defensive behavior often stems from underlying fears or concerns. Try to empathize with and accept the defensive person’s feelings.

Accept their perspective, even if you don’t agree with it, to create an atmosphere of mutual respect. For example, you could say, “I understand why this situation may be difficult for you. It’s perfectly normal to feel defensive when we feel criticized or attacked.”

6. Focus on Solutions

It can be helpful to shift the conversation toward solutions rather than focusing on blame or criticism. Collaboratively explore alternatives and work together to address the underlying issues.

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By focusing on problem-solving, you can redirect the defensive person’s energy toward constructive outcomes.

7. Set Boundaries

While it’s important to approach the conversation with empathy, it’s also essential to set and communicate your boundaries. Communicate what is and isn’t acceptable behavior in a respectful manner.

Setting boundaries helps build a framework for healthy interactions and encourages the defensive person to reflect on their reactions. Remember that dealing with a defensive person requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to overcome their barriers.

By creating an environment of trust and empathy, you can encourage a defensive person to gradually lower their defenses and engage in more open and effective conversations.

How To Become Less Defensive

The key steps to learning how to reduce defensiveness include identifying the signs of defensive behavior and understanding its causes. Reducing defensiveness requires introspection, self-awareness, and a commitment to personal growth. Here are some strategies that can help you reduce defensiveness:

1. Identify Your Defensive Patterns

The first step in addressing defensiveness is to acknowledge and recognize your defensive patterns. Pay attention to situations or topics that trigger defensiveness. Reflect on your typical responses, such as arguing, avoiding blame, or shutting down. By understanding your patterns, you can begin to consciously work to change them.

2. Develop Self-Awareness

Developing self-awareness is key to overcoming defensiveness. Take time to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and reactions in various situations. Notice when you feel emotional and try to understand the fears or insecurities behind those emotions. By better understanding yourself, you can better control your responses.

3. Practice Active Listening

When engaging in a conversation or receiving feedback, practice active listening. Give the other person your full attention, maintain eye contact, and genuinely try to understand their point of view. Avoid interrupting or formulating counterarguments in your mind while they speak. Active listening allows you to absorb information without an immediate defensive reaction.

4. Pause and Reflect

Instead of reacting instinctively when you feel attacked or criticized, train yourself to pause and reflect before responding. Take a deep breath, count to five, or find a way to create a brief mental space. This pause gives you a chance to process and respond more consciously rather than impulsively.

5. Separate Intention from Impact

Understand that others’ criticisms or comments may not be intended to hurt or attack you. Know that their words or actions may be motivated by a desire to improve a situation or promote growth.

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Separate the intent of your reactions from their impact on you. This way, you can respond more objectively and less defensively.

6. Practice Emotion Regulation

Developing emotion regulation skills helps you manage defensive situations. Learn techniques such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and journaling to help you calm your emotions and gain a clear perspective. By regulating your emotions, you can respond more rationally and thoughtfully, reducing the likelihood of becoming defensive.

7. Seek Professional Help, If Needed

If you are unable to modify or manage your defensive behavior, consider talking to a mental health professional or therapist.

A mental health professional can help you identify underlying mental health issues and provide you with helpful strategies for learning how to be less defensive.

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Remember, becoming less defensive takes time and effort. It is a process of self-discovery and personal growth. With dedication and practice, you can cultivate a more open and accepting mindset, which promotes healthier and more productive interactions with others.

Summary

So what causes defensive behavior? Defensive behavior is a complex response stemming from various underlying causes.

By recognizing the signs of defensive behavior and understanding its roots, we can foster communication, empathy, and personal growth. The journey to overcoming defensive behavior begins with self-awareness and a willingness to explore our vulnerabilities.

In our quest to build a more open and understanding society, empathy and compassion can help dismantle the protective shields we instinctively create, allowing authentic connections to flourish.