Do you find yourself experiencing deep attunement to the people in your life? Have you been classified as highly sensitive? Are you dealing with overwhelming emotions and feel like you care a lot about how other people feel?
Empathy allows us to interpret the feelings that other people are experiencing. But empaths actually feel and experience emotions themselves. In other words, someone else’s pain becomes your pain. Likewise, someone else’s joy, fear, or sadness becomes your own joy, fear, or sadness.
There are pros and cons to an empathic personality. However, these two types of empathy are not necessarily static states. You can change how you relate to and understand others. Let’s get into what you need to know.
How do you know you are an empath?
All empaths tend to feel emotions deeply and deeply. Others may describe them as “too sensitive” or even “needy.” That’s because empaths feel their own feelings and those of others.
Many sympathizers struggle with intimacy. They want to feel connected and supported by their partners. However, they often read into every little emotional cue. They doubt themselves and their partner. They always second guess the security of the relationship. Likewise, they often experience sensory overload from all the thinking, talking, and interpreting the other person’s feelings.
Empaths also tend to have a strong intuition for people. They can sense if other people are having a bad day before they can say a word. They have gut feelings about someone’s personality based on a single interaction.
Finally, empaths tend to be very patient and good listeners. Others often come to them to confide in their secrets. Empaths are usually kind and generous with their time and resources. While many people appreciate this kindness, some choose to take advantage of it.
What makes someone to be an empath?
There is no single factor that contributes to an empathic personality. Instead, a combination of different variables appears to contribute to this phenomenon.
As with all characters, individual temperament seems to play a role. We are all born with different levels of sensitivities. You can only notice these basic differences by watching how babies interact with the world. While some babies are fairly quiet, others are more reactive to lights or different sounds.
Genetics can also be a determining factor. Highly sensitive people often have mothers or fathers with similar traits. Modeling this sensitivity may be passed on from generation to generation.
Finally, trauma also plays an important role in an individual’s vulnerability. Almost all empaths have a history of emotional or physical abuse. Trauma affects how secure people feel in their relationships. It also affects self-esteem and mental health.
Why is the relationship of empathy and narcissism so common?
On the one hand, empaths are often loving, patient, and kind. On the other hand, they could have a seemingly insatiable need for rescue and love. That’s because empaths tend to feel validated when they communicate with others.
Narcissists often seek empathy because empaths tend to be helpful, compassionate, and low-key. The level of cooperation is critical. Narcissists look for this trait in their partners because they realize they don’t have it themselves. They know that overly cooperative partners will sacrifice their own happiness and need to maintain balance in the relationship.
Empaths find themselves drawn to narcissists because they initially present as strong, confident, and charming. They may shower you with compliments and affection. Moreover, they may be quick to declare their love and happiness in being with you. All of these actions are carefully designed to seduce you.
The narcissist may draw stories of trauma or low self-esteem. They often complain of feeling misunderstood. Empaths can usually empathize with narcissists in ways that no one else can. They often play into the stories of victims that their narcissistic partners tell them.
Similarly, empaths also tend to believe in their ability to change a narcissist. They assume that their love and kindness can negate the narcissist’s need for power and control. They also assume that the narcissist does not mean to harm them.
Unfortunately, this line of reasoning is incorrect. Narcissists value power and control above anything else in a relationship. They lack empathy and respect for others. As a result, they will continue to test their sympathetic partners to ensure they comply to the fullest extent.
What is debilitating empathy?
In essence, weary sympathizers are tired of being sympathetic! They give and give, but they get little in return. They don’t set boundaries with others. If they do, they fail to implement it.
Exhausted empaths often try to please everyone. These hedonistic tendencies extend far beyond the relationship with the narcissist. They often act submissively in all relationships, including those with family members and co-workers.
Debilitating impulses of empathy can feel hopeless and erratic. They are good listeners, but no one seems to be listening to them. They may want to fix other people, but they don’t realize that some people can’t or don’t want to fix.
Not surprisingly, exhausted empaths tend to have low self-esteem. As a result, they tend to stay in toxic relationships. They may share the misconception that love conquers all. They may also cling to the magical thinking that their partner will only change if they do X, Y, or Z.
Exhausted empathy is not just exhausted. They often feel resentful, bored, or completely apathetic about their lives. They may suffer from severe depression or anxiety.
What is being enabled empathy?
Empowered empaths recognize their people-pleasing tendencies, and aim to do something about it. They are not victims of their circumstances. They choose to rise above their depressing emotional situation.
Empathic empaths understand the need to set and define healthy boundaries. They realize that their feelings matter. They do not tolerate people who cannot respect their basic needs.
Empowered empaths protect their hearts and minds. They value their integrity, and have learned to harness their sensitivity to only people who deserve it. They still listen and give love, but they don’t give it endlessly. They also make sure to practice self-care and self-love.
For these reasons, empowered empaths tend to lead calm, fulfilling lives. They realize that they can control their actions. They also identify the importance of surrounding themselves with healthy, positive people.
Finally, empowered empaths learn from their mistakes. They understand that mistakes can and do happen. Instead of slipping into old ways of thinking, they know how to get themselves back on track.
How do you go from burnout to empowerment?
It is possible to shift from debilitating empathy to strong empathy. This transition requires both time and effort, and it can feel uncomfortable.
First, it is necessary to recognize your place on the continuum. If you are still in a narcissistic relationship, there is a good chance that you are a jaded empath. It is possible that you have sacrificed your own needs, wants, and even your identity for the other person.
Do you empathize with feeling overwhelmed by yourself and others? Do you feel empty or numb in your relationships? Do you deeply regret your past choices?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are probably a burnout empath! At first, this self-awareness is painful. After all, you want to be a kind and loving person. It’s hard to know that people might take advantage of your personality. It is hard to realize that you are responsible for your recovery and recovery.
Of course, spotting narcissism isn’t always easy. Many empaths believe they have found their twin flame in the narcissist. You thought they were your soul mate, but soon you find out that they are just super toxic and manipulative. Unfortunately, they also know how to trick you back into believing that you are really soulmates!
Empowerment comes from a place of acceptance and self-love. Ultimately, you must accept narcissists for who they are. Most likely, they will not change. Likewise, she definitely won’t change just because that’s what she wants.
Self-love means respecting yourself. This means knowing your worth and not accepting anything less. Self-love can take time to develop, but it is worth devoting as much time and energy as it takes. The more self-love you have, the more fulfilling your life will feel.
Final thoughts on types of empathy
While you can’t help your base character, you can change your actions. You have control over your happiness.
To truly break free from the narcissistic spell, a totally no-contact approach (or highly modified contact if you share children with the narcissist) is necessary. Being non-contact is the most effective way to ensure your recovery. It is guaranteed to help you move forward with your recovery.
Keep in mind that both types of empathy are often tempted by other, “less intense” avenues. You’ll want to give the narcissist a second chance. You will feel guilt and cruelty that you walked away. To compound the tension, the narcissist will try to coax you back.
While debilitating empaths often succumb to narcissistic panic, empowered empaths know how to keep their healing tips to themselves, and not heal everyone around them in a way that’s completely out of control. They have come to accept the fact that they cannot heal or transform the narcissist and have chosen to conserve their talents and energies for people who can benefit.
Freedom requires removing that toxicity from your life. You are kind, generous and loving. You deserve to share these gifts with the people who actually deserve them!
