Have you ever needed to send a screenshot of a conversation to your friends to decrypt it? Your friends might consider the conversation — or the need to decrypt it — a red flag.

Human connection is a vital part of our mental and physical health. We are programmed to connect with others and to seek out people who make us feel loved, appreciated, and understood.

In any relationship, it is helpful to know what to do if toxic behaviors arise. But it’s just as important to pay attention to green flags in relationships to reduce unnecessary anxiety or suspicion.

A green flag isn’t about just having a great day together or receiving compliments. These are signs that give us insight into our long-term compatibility with a friend, co-worker, or potential new partner.

But what are the real green flags, and how do you know what to look for in a relationship? Here is your guide.

What does “green flag” mean?

Red flags tell us that it is time to end the relationship, while green flags are positive signs that the relationship will last for the long haul.

Green flags show someone’s personality, openness, values, and more. Knowing some of the more common red and green signs will allow you to be more confident that you are going in the right direction and to take steps to enhance the budding relationship.

What are some relationship green flags?

Red flags usually come in the form of toxic traits such as aggression or narcissism and manipulative behaviour. On the other hand, green flags show healthy behavior and opportunities for deeper connections. Let’s take a look at 11 positive indicators of a good relationship.

1. You can express and discuss feelings
   A partner who feels comfortable talking about their feelings is a major green sign. Despite the short-term discomfort, having difficult conversations with kindness and honesty will strengthen your relationship. Being vulnerable usually indicates that someone would like to deepen your connection. It may also indicate that you are creating a space that makes them feel safe to share, which is also a green flag.
2. You can have difficult conversations about the relationship
   More than just expressing your feelings, strong relationships depend on the ability to discuss that relationship. Everyone makes mistakes and has disagreements. The difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship is how open both parties feel while having uncomfortable conversations. This openness facilitates empathy and allows both parties to find solutions that ultimately strengthen the relationship.

The alternative is to suppress feelings and let them boil over, which can increase feelings of anger and fuel conflict.

3. Ils n’ont pas peur de s’excuser
   S’excuser est difficile. Mais les excuses sont un outil de communication important. Faites attention à la façon dont votre nouveau partenaire s’excuse. Est-ce qu’ils détournent l’attention ou s’approprient leur erreur ? Peuvent-ils accepter des critiques constructives sur leur comportement ?

Lorsqu’un partenaire ignore le blâme et refuse d’assumer ses responsabilités, cela indique que son ego est plus important que la personne qui lui a fait du mal. Quelqu’un qui nie ses actions et contrôle le récit pourrait être un signe de vampirisme émotionnel. Voici quelques exemples de fausses excuses que quelqu’un pourrait utiliser pour rejeter la faute :

Je suis désolé que tu sois bouleversé par ce qui s’est passé.
Je ne voulais pas te faire du mal.
J’essayais de convaincre ma famille. C’est pourquoi j’ai dit ce que j’ai dit.
Lorsqu’un partenaire réfléchit et assume la responsabilité de ses actes, cela démontre un respect mutuel et une valeur pour votre confort, votre sûreté et votre sécurité. Voici quelques exemples:

Je regrette de ne pas avoir pensé à mes actions en premier.
J’aurais aimé avoir pris en compte vos sentiments avant de faire ce que j’ai fait.
Je réalise que je t’ai blessé et j’aimerais pouvoir reprendre ça.
Je réalise que mes paroles t’ont blessé. Ce n’était pas mon intention et je suis vraiment désolé.

4. C’est votre espace sûr
   L’acceptation de soi consiste à se sentir habilité à entrer dans son vrai soi. Lorsque nous développons l’acceptation de soi, cela nous libère du recours à des sources extérieures pour trouver notre identité.

Être avec les personnes qui comptent le plus pour vous devrait vous permettre de vous sentir en paix. Il n’est pas nécessaire de passer du temps avec des gens qui vous donnent l’impression que vous ne pouvez pas être vous-même. Accepter un bon ami vous encouragera et vous permettra de vous exprimer sans crainte du ridicule ou du jugement.

5. Ils valident vos sentiments
   Quelqu’un qui invalide constamment vos sentiments peut exacerber votre épuisement émotionnel. Même si vous ne devriez pas compter sur vos amis et votre famille pour être vos principales sources de validation de vos sentiments, il est crucial de trouver ceux qui comprennent et respectent vos sentiments. Voici quelques façons dont vos proches peuvent valider vos sentiments :

listen. They listen to what you say and show it through eye contact, verbal cues, touch, and orienting their bodies towards you while speaking. They might stop what they’re doing and give you their undivided attention.
Energizing. It matches your energy level. When you are sad, they sympathize with you. When you are excited, they are happy for you. If you are feeling overwhelmed and need a few minutes to sit quietly, they should provide that for you.
normalization. They don’t challenge your feelings, they accept them and assure you that they are normal. Responding appropriately to your feelings lets you know that your reactions are reasonable and correct.

6. Respect your boundaries
   Personal boundaries are an integral part of our physical and mental health. In any relationship, it’s essential to let the other person know what you are and aren’t. These limits may include:

physical boundaries
sexual boundaries
emotional boundaries
economic borders
intellectual boundaries

When we set personal boundaries, we build a shield to protect our mental health, personal space, and sense of safety and security. Setting boundaries isn’t always easy, but healthy boundaries create healthy relationships based on mutual respect. Boundaries tell us what to expect in a relationship and teach us how to respect each other’s personal space and comfort zones.

7. They feel comfortable talking about the future
   A person who is interested in making future plans sees you in his life for the long term. Appreciating your relationship and expressing a desire for it to continue is a green sign.

If someone is evasive when you ask them about a plan for the future, it may mean that they don’t value you or plan to stay.

8. Share the same values
   A promising sign of long-term compatibility is that you share the same values with your friends, family, and partner. At the beginning of any relationship, pay attention to whether your priorities align with each other’s. You don’t have to have the same priorities, but you should share a basic worldview that fosters a sense of mutual understanding. Some common values to look for are:

Are they kind and generous to others?
Are they honest? Do they give you a sense of confidence?
What are their aspirations and goals for the future?
Do they have strong ties to faith or spirituality?
Is politics important to them?
Do they value friendship or family ties?
As you get to know each other, have conversations to gain insight into this person’s value system, their worldview, and the future they see for themselves. Do these qualities align with yours? Do you have fundamental differences that you will not be able to overcome?

9. She makes you want to be your best self
   We all have room to grow and learn. A good friend will push you to be the best version of yourself and challenge you to achieve your goals. When you feel like life is hard, it helps you focus and keep moving forward. It is important that you feel motivated to do the same for them.
10. There is constant communication
    In any personal relationship, communication skills are the cornerstone. Do you and your loved ones communicate with each other about your relationship and your feelings? Are you willing to discuss problems as they arise?

Keep in mind that good communication does not need to be static. Texting back and forth all day does not indicate a meaningful connection. You may only talk to a few friends every few weeks, but your willingness to have open and constructive conversations indicates a level of respect that means those relationships will last.

11. They care about the little details
    Daily manifestations of generosity, gratitude, and compliments are more important to most people than grand gestures of love. Not only do those everyday gestures from people we care about make us feel good, small actions that make us feel more loved are associated with stronger mental health, greater feelings of purpose, and a better outlook on life.