Narcissists often enter relationships with high expectations and unrealistic desires. Their initial charm can be overwhelming, but beneath the surface lies a set of controlling and self-serving needs that are far from healthy. If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist or have recently ended one, you may have noticed that their expectations are far from typical. Narcissists expect their partners to meet their needs while often ignoring or diminishing their partner’s feelings and desires.
Here are 10 initial desires a narcissist expects from their partner, which can help you recognize these traits early on and protect yourself from the emotional toll that a relationship with a narcissist can cause.
1. Constant Admiration and Praise
One of the most prominent characteristics of a narcissist is their unending need for admiration. In the initial stages of a relationship, they expect their partner to provide a steady stream of compliments and attention. They crave admiration not only for their looks but also for their intelligence, success, and talents. This need is not just occasional but constant.
Why They Want It:
Inflates Their Ego: Admiration from a partner helps the narcissist feel superior and boosts their fragile self-esteem.
Reinforces Their Superiority: Being constantly praised makes them feel special, which is a core component of their narcissistic personality.
How to Recognize It:
They get upset or withdraw when you don’t compliment them enough or give them the attention they expect.
2. Emotional and Physical Availability on Their Terms
Narcissists often expect their partner to be fully available, both emotionally and physically, whenever they need them. Whether it’s late-night calls, constant texting, or expecting you to drop everything to cater to their needs, they believe they should be the center of your world. However, this availability is usually one-sided—when you need emotional support, they may disappear or dismiss your feelings.
Why They Want It:
Ensures Control: By making you emotionally dependent and always available, they can control the relationship dynamic.
Fulfills Their Needs: Narcissists thrive on having someone cater to their needs without reciprocating.
How to Recognize It:
They expect you to be there for them at all times, but rarely return the favor when you need support.
3. Unwavering Loyalty, Regardless of Their Behavior
A narcissist demands absolute loyalty from their partner, even if their own behavior is far from loyal or respectful. They expect you to stand by them, no matter how they treat you or others. They view any challenge to their authority or questioning of their actions as a personal betrayal.
Related : 8 Tricks Narcissists Play To Manipulate Their Victims
Why They Want It:
Avoids Accountability: Unwavering loyalty allows them to get away with bad behavior without consequences.
Supports Their Grandiosity: Loyalty from their partner reinforces their self-image as someone who deserves unquestioning devotion.
How to Recognize It:
They become angry or distant if you express any doubts about their decisions or question their actions.
4. Complete Control Over the Relationship
Control is a central theme in narcissistic relationships. From deciding what to do on weekends to controlling finances and social interactions, a narcissist expects to be in charge. They may make all the decisions and expect you to follow without question. Any attempt to assert your independence can be met with resistance or even anger.
Why They Want It:
Maintains Dominance: Controlling every aspect of the relationship allows them to feel powerful and in control.
Reduces Conflict: By having complete control, they can minimize situations where their behavior is questioned.
How to Recognize It:
You feel like you’re walking on eggshells around them, always trying to meet their demands without challenging their authority.
5. Validation of Their Self-Worth
Narcissists are constantly seeking validation, not only from external sources but especially from their partner. They want you to confirm their greatness, intelligence, and attractiveness, often at the expense of your own self-esteem. If you don’t validate them enough, they may react with anger, resentment, or silent treatment.
Why They Want It:
Feeds Their Ego: Validation from someone close to them means more than validation from acquaintances or strangers.
Fuels Their Superiority Complex: Constant validation helps them feel superior to others, including you.
How to Recognize It:
Related : Top 3 Narcissistic Patterns With Regard to Exes
They frequently fish for compliments or ask for validation in ways that make you feel like you’re walking on thin ice.
6. Your Self-Sacrifice for Their Needs
A narcissist often expects their partner to put aside their own needs and desires to focus entirely on theirs. In their view, the relationship should revolve around them, with little regard for your personal goals, interests, or boundaries. They may pressure you to give up hobbies, friendships, or even career opportunities to prioritize their needs.
Why They Want It:
Reinforces Their Importance: When you sacrifice for them, it confirms their belief that they are more important than you.
Increases Dependence: By making you give up parts of your identity, they make you more dependent on them.
How to Recognize It:
You find yourself constantly giving up things you love to please them, while they rarely compromise for you.
7. Immediate Gratification of Their Desires
Narcissists have little patience for delayed gratification. They expect their partner to fulfill their desires immediately, whether it’s for attention, physical intimacy, or material needs. If you don’t comply right away, they may become irritable, withdrawn, or even abusive.
Why They Want It:
Affirms Their Control: Immediate gratification ensures that they feel in control of the relationship and your actions.
Reduces Insecurity: By getting what they want right away, they avoid feeling vulnerable or rejected.
How to Recognize It:
They get upset or angry when you can’t meet their needs immediately, regardless of your own situation.
8. Blind Agreement with Their Perspective
A narcissist expects their partner to always agree with their opinions and worldview. Disagreement, even on minor issues, is seen as a personal attack. They may react defensively or aggressively when you challenge their views, making it clear that only their perspective is valid.
Why They Want It:
Confirms Their Authority: When you agree with them, it reinforces their belief that they are always right.
Prevents Conflict: By eliminating disagreement, they avoid the discomfort of having their ideas challenged.
Related : What Is a Conversational Narcissist? 9 Identifying Signs and How to Cope
How to Recognize It:
You feel like you have to agree with everything they say to avoid conflict or emotional fallout.
9. Isolation from Friends and Family
Narcissists often try to isolate their partners from their support network, such as friends and family. This isolation can be subtle at first, with them expressing jealousy or disapproval of your relationships with others. Over time, they may pressure you to spend all your time with them, reducing your contact with those who could offer support or a different perspective.
Why They Want It:
Increases Control: Isolation makes it easier for them to control you without interference from others.
Reduces External Validation: By isolating you, they limit your ability to get validation or support from others.
How to Recognize It:
They discourage you from spending time with friends or family, often making you feel guilty for wanting to maintain those relationships.
10. Unquestioning Acceptance of Their Flaws
While narcissists are quick to point out flaws in others, they expect their own flaws to be overlooked or accepted without question. Whether it’s dishonesty, selfishness, or emotional neglect, they believe their partner should accept these behaviors without complaint. Criticizing or pointing out their flaws often leads to explosive reactions or emotional withdrawal.
Why They Want It:
Protects Their Ego: Narcissists have fragile egos and can’t tolerate criticism, so they expect their partner to ignore their flaws.
Maintains Control: By ensuring that their flaws go unchallenged, they keep the upper hand in the relationship.
How to Recognize It:
They become extremely defensive or aggressive when you try to discuss any issues with their behavior.
Protecting Yourself from Narcissistic Expectations
Narcissists enter relationships with a set of unrealistic and harmful expectations that revolve around their own needs and desires. They seek constant admiration, control, and validation while offering little in return. Understanding these initial desires can help you recognize the warning signs early on and take steps to protect yourself from emotional manipulation and abuse. If you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s important to set firm boundaries, seek support from friends and family, and consider professional help to navigate the complex dynamics of narcissistic relationships.
