Falling in love is not an option. But stay in love. When you start to fall in love, it is an irrational chain of events that simply cannot be stopped. You can never control who you love because falling in love is like free falling, and there is no way you can stop yourself.
It can happen slowly, over time, or quickly within moments. One glance. one touch. One eight-hour phone conversation. And before you know it, you’re falling in love with them.
When you start to fall in love with someone, it’s a beautiful feeling. Falling in love is the easy part—the thrill that comes with knowing what makes someone else move, and the equally terrifying counterpart of exposing your soul to someone else. It is fun and unique. It never happens the same way twice.
But staying in love is a choice. Active decision-making requires work and dedication. It’s easy to fall in love with someone despite all of their good qualities: they’re smart, sexy, and funny. It’s easy to love these things.
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But the real challenge is staying in love with them. When the rush and excitement wears off and there are two flawed people trying to devise new ways to continue to love each other, despite all their flaws, problems, and imperfections. This is the hard part when you think about how to stay in love with them forever.
You start to run out of things to talk about, and you find yourself telling the same stories over and over. And the blinders you once had about each other’s shortcomings slowly start to fade.
Maybe it’s little things like he always seems to forget important days or he just isn’t as thoughtful as he was when he was trying to win your affection. Maybe it’s big things like when he yells things when he’s angry that he can’t hold back.
At the end of the day, no one is perfect and everyone comes with their own unique set of flaws and features. People who stay in love don’t because they don’t have a choice. Every day is a choice.
Falling in love and staying in love
Over time, you begin to realize that the person you fell in love with is imperfect, and that the true act of love, the true definition of loving someone, is loving those imperfections just as you love the good.
People think intimacy is about sex. But intimacy is about the truth. When you realize you can tell someone the real you, when you can show yourself to them when you stand in front of them naked and their response is, “You’re safe with me – that’s what intimacy is.” – Taylor Jenkins Reed
Love says I see you, all of you, exactly how you are – the good, the bad and the things you don’t want anyone else to see. I see what you are ashamed of, what you wish you could hide. I see these things, and I still love you. I still choose you. I will stay with you. I’m not going anywhere. I will not leave you just because you are imperfect and have flaws.
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And you hope and pray and implore the other person to do the same.
To take a bunch of your flaws and love them just the same. to get around when sh*t gets unimaginably hard, difficult, and complicated. To love you even on your worst days. To accept you despite your flaws. for your choice again.
