Sometimes we are too close to a relationship to recognize the signs that it has turned into something harmful. Our friends and family tell us about it but it’s hard for us to recognize it because we live through it every single day. It’s important to know the signs of a toxic relationship so you can recognize if your relationship is one and if it’s time to get out.

Here are 6 warning signs of a toxic relationship

1. Contempt
   One of the most difficult red flags to recognize, but one of the biggest red flags, is the presence of contempt in the relationship.

Contempt is defined as “the feeling that someone is under consideration, worthless or deserving of contempt.” Signs of contempt include eye rolling, unkind words, sarcasm, and dismissal.

Contempt can be difficult to recognize because it is so easily misinterpreted. Oh, I deserved it or he’s just an arrogant guy or he was just showing off to his friends, these are excuses often used to justify disdain.

Think about your interactions with your person. Is there contempt? Is one, the other, or both of you talking sarcastically? Do you talk behind each other’s backs? Do you roll your eyes when your partner is trying to get their point across?

The number one killer of relationships is contempt. When people treat each other with contempt the respect in the relationship goes away. And without respect, nothing else matters.

So, take a good look at how you and your partner treat each other. If there is contempt, the contempt that causes pain, your relationship is likely to be toxic.

Related: The Psychology Of Narcissistic Injury: How It Wounds A Narcissist’s Ego

2. Obsession
   Many of my clients in toxic relationships (and there are many) obsess about their partners.

They want their partners to be in constant touch. They stress when their texting habits change in any way. They give up everything in their life to be with their person. They wrap themselves in pretzels to please the

Any physical pain inflicted on a partner is a sign of a toxic relationship. Healthy relationships do not involve any physical pain of any kind. Words can be said in anger but not in mockery and certainly not in any physical pain.

If your partner is hurting you, or you are hurting your partner, causing each other physical pain, you are definitely in a toxic relationship.

5. Possession
   One of the biggest signs of a toxic relationship is when one partner controls the other.

One of my clients had a partner who had complete control over her actions. He dictates to her whether or not she can go to school, who her friends are, how they dress when they have sex, and what she eats for every meal.

He also tells her that only he is allowed to end the relationship. I took it all for granted and assumed that this is exactly what relationships were like. Yes No.

People in healthy relationships don’t try to control the other person. People in healthy relationships give each other the freedom to live their lives and be their people. People who control everything their partner does are people who create toxicity and discord in the relationship.

Have you been given the freedom to be who you want to be in your relationship? If not, your relationship may be toxic and it’s important to recognize it.

Related: Love or Money? The Signs And Impact of Financial Infidelity On Your Relationship

6. Mixed messages
   One of the many hard-to-identify signs of a toxic relationship is mixed messages.

Mixed messages are messages that go one way and then another. Maybe your guy says he’s done with you and then comes back to be with you again. Repeatedly. Or maybe your guy says he likes you in that red dress and then makes fun of you to his friends. They may tell you they love you and then treat you horribly.

Mixed messages are very difficult and confusing. Many women hold on tight to the positive things said and let go of the negative, thus justifying why they want to stay in the relationship.

But, in reality, a person who is sending you mixed messages is someone you don’t like, someone who, if you stay involved with them, will only cause you grief and pain.

In a healthy relationship, two people love each other without exception. Sure, things can turn upside down at times, but there is still mutual respect and admiration. No one makes the other feel bad with fluctuating emotions and yo-yo behavior.

Is your relationship affected by mixed messages? If so, you may be in a toxic relationship!

Knowing the warning signs of a toxic relationship is a very important part of living a happy life.

Oftentimes, when we are in the midst of conflict, it can be hard to see the truth. Others may tell us they see the warning signs but it can also be difficult for us to see them.

Hopefully, now that I’ve flagged it here—the contempt, the obsessiveness, the unkind words, the physical pain, the possessiveness, the mixed messages—you’ll be able to more clearly tell if your relationship is healthy or not!