Your “happily ever after” isn’t just in fairy tales but it happens in real life as well. But you have to work for it, so here’s how to live happily ever after with the person of your dreams!

Are you starting to despair that you will ever have your happiness with the man of your dreams? Have you been looking everywhere for your prince but has everyone let you down again and again?

Are you ready to give up? Let me tell you that you can always get your happiness by doing just one thing!

And what is this thing?

This thing is acknowledging and accepting that your happily ever after will never be like what you see in movies or on TV.

Does this mean that you need to settle? Don’t you ever get the romance you crave? That you must accept whatever comes or be satisfied with what is in front of you?

no!

What that means is that if you can add a little dose of reality to your dream of finding your prince, and the life you will have with him, then you are more likely to be able to find and keep love. Seeking!

So how do you do that? What must you do to find your happily ever after with the man of your dreams? Let me share!

How do you get happily ever after?

1. Don’t expect perfection.
   Think of every rom-com you’ve ever seen. Think Bradley Cooper, Brad Pitt, Tom Hanks, Hugh Grant, Ryan Reynolds.

The characters they play are literally the most perfect players in the world. They are handsome, intelligent and emotionally intelligent. They know how to say the right things and be there when we need them. They have just the right amount of money, they have a great job, they have the perfect family and maybe even an adorable baby.

They, and they alone, can give the protagonist the eternal happiness they have always wanted.

But I’m afraid these characters were made by the writers – the ideal of what every woman wants.

I’m afraid the rom-coms on which we base everything we think a relationship should be are exactly the things that keep us from finding a good relationship.

Why? Because no one is perfect.

Sure, many men are as handsome as any movie star, but they may also be men who say the wrong things, or who don’t have a very high IQ. They may be men who are struggling with their jobs or who have a fraught relationship with their families.

But they may also be guys who work hard to get ahead at work, volunteer at food shelters, and know they don’t always say the right thing but they work at it. And these imperfect men are exactly the men you want!

So, if the person you love isn’t perfect, that’s okay. It’s important to love someone, warts and all. Don’t get carried away because your guy won’t meet you atop the Empire State Building with his adorable baby in tow!

2. Don’t ignore your differences.
   Think Club Breakfast. Think of a beautiful woman. Think Crazy Rich Asians. Think of 10 things I hate about you. Think dirty dancing.

Think of almost any other rom-com you’ve ever seen.

What is the one underlying theme they all have in common?

The idea that two people from different walks of life can fall madly in love and build a life together.

I’m afraid it’s not as easy as it sounds.

I can’t tell you how many of my clients come to me because they are struggling with their partner and a big part of that struggle is because they come from different backgrounds.

For one of my clients, her boyfriend grew up in a very religious off-grid family. Nothing at all like growing up middle class, subdivision. She doesn’t understand why he does the things he does and neither does he.

For another client, her boyfriend is growing up an orphan in downtown. He pulls through and is very successful, but has a hard time dealing with the luxury trips her family takes every Christmas.

It can be very difficult for people of different backgrounds, different levels of education, and different political or religious beliefs to build a life together. Everyone is who they are because of their background, and if those things don’t necessarily fit in, it can be difficult to meet in a place where you both feel comfortable.

And this can be a big problem. Especially when the kids come.

Now, I’m not saying this can’t happen. Every day, completely different people make their relationship work. But they have to dig deep and be willing to work together to do it, to do things differently and to accept differences.

So if you want to get your happy forever, know that sometimes, while getting a bad boy from the other side of the tracks can be very romantic, with time you can find that this exact thing is what Pays you separate.

Related: 6 Signs of Infatuation That We Often Confuse With Love

3. Don’t expect quick decisions
   Movies usually last about two hours. Over the course of those two hours, two people meet, fall in love, grapple with and then solve a problem and live happily ever after.

Unfortunately, in real life this is not the case.

Couples have problems. Sometimes problems can be resolved very quickly but others take time. And both people in the relationship must be willing to do the work to resolve it.

Unfortunately, while this is done easily in the movies, not so much in real life.

Why? Because, unlike characters written for movies, not many people have the critical problem-solving skills.

Even worse, sometimes people have these skills but don’t match their partners’ skills, and so, doing the work to solve the problem can be impossible.

There’s one particular thing I hear my clients think they need to do, and it’s something I always see in movies, and when I do, I always yell at the screen.

It happens when a couple has a disagreement and one of them makes a statement, which is rather profound, and then they turn around and walk away, leaving their person unable to say anything, left to think about what the partner has just said.

This makes me crazy!

For couples to work through problems, they need to talk about it. Don’t rush away, hoping your person (like you see in the movies) will follow you. Don’t make ultimatums, hoping that the person will like you enough to change (like you see in the movies).

Decisions are messy. They are fraught with emotions. They are sometimes elusive.

If you can accept that any problem that may arise may not be resolved quickly, that you are two different people with different perspectives and that you may want different things, and that things are not resolved as easily as they do in the movies, then you can always have your happiness because you will not be let down every time. No problem is solved immediately.

4. Don’t expect global vibrator sex.
   When I was growing up (yes, in the dark ages) our access to sex was limited.

Sure, we could steal our dad’s Playboy and maybe stumble upon some porn on cable TV, but more often than not, sex has been hard to find in movies and TV.

Things are different now. Sex is everywhere. Men grow up watching porn regularly. Detailed sex scenes in movies are the norm. The ads show perfect bodies and don’t even get me started on social media!

But I want to tell you that the sex you see in movies is not real sex. It’s not even close.

I remember watching The Affair. The two people who were in the relationship had the most amazing sex. I used to watch it and wish I was as sexy as theirs. And when I had sex with my boyfriend, I was always disappointed.

So if you want to have your happily ever after, know that sex is messy. That different people like different things. That couples don’t care are always together. People having hair in places you wouldn’t expect.

5. Don’t assume that love conquers all.
   This is the most heart-breaking thing I’ve had to say to my clients that love doesn’t conquer all.

Why, why, can’t they just be together? They love each other very much but the relationship is not working out. Doesn’t their love prevail in the end?

Unfortunately, usually, no.

Again, people are only human. They bring their own peccadillos into every relationship. They have different levels of emotional intelligence. They have stressful jobs and difficult family relationships.

And no matter how hard a couple tries to make it happen, sometimes there are things that just can’t be overcome.

One of my clients just broke up with her boyfriend of 6 years. I tried really hard to make it work but they were just too different. It was silly and spontaneous, and he was more serious and steadfast.

She tried twisting herself in a pretzel to make things work but it didn’t.

She broke up with him, primarily because their personalities didn’t match.

It wasn’t that she didn’t love him but that love wasn’t enough to make her happy or keep the relationship going.

Again, this is not always the case. Sometimes love is enough to achieve success in solving problems. Love opens people up to do the work they need to do to find their way to each other.

But this is not always the case. And accepting that, and accepting that sometimes things just don’t work out and that you have to move on, is the best way to find the love you’re looking for.

Related: The Invisible Thread Between Two People Who Are Meant to Be Together

So, there you go, the things that you must come to know and accept if you want to have your happy forever.
I know none of this sounds romantic and that makes you sad. But the truth is, true love, true romance, is achievable if everyone realizes that life isn’t like rom-coms.

By accepting that people aren’t perfect, that sex can be just as messy, that things don’t get resolved quickly and that love doesn’t always conquer all, you give yourself the space to find true love, love that can last a lifetime.

And while this may be different from the things you see in the movies, it is the key to getting the happiness you’ve always wanted!