Key Points

Bosses with narcissistic tendencies create stress and create barriers to an employee’s ability to do their job effectively.

Narcissistic bosses can trigger a fixed mindset about an employee’s efficiency.

Identifying and challenging fixed-mindset reactions and shifting to a growth mindset can help one stay focused on the task and increase efficiency.

Remember when all the pieces of the puzzle fell together and you concluded that your boss was a narcissist? The tense interactions now make sense and you see the signs:

Your boss:

Plays the hero – takes excessive credit for the success of important projects and minimizes your contribution.

Plays the victim – and blames you when projects go awry.

Overreacts to respectful feedback, yet is highly critical of you and others.
Lacks empathy – demands that you respond to non-urgent emails on your days off and is surprised when you don’t respond right away.
Separates you from your colleagues – berating you when you struggle with a difficult task while praising others as “top performers” or applauding you as a loyal ally while berating coworkers.

Most bosses behave this way at times – we are human and imperfect, especially under pressure. But when these behaviors occur repeatedly, you may have evidence of narcissism (Behary, 2021; Behary & Davis, 2015). Much has been written about how to identify narcissists. Identifying narcissism in the workplace is helpful because it allows you to take the necessary steps to consult with human resources or find another job.

Related : Surviving The She-Ego: How To Deal With A Narcissist Boss Female

But how do you handle the situation until you find another job? What steps can you take when your boss’s behavior is creating stress and creating barriers to doing your job effectively?

The growth mindset theory may provide some light. Carol Dweck refers to these narcissistic tendencies as indicators of a fixed mindset—the view that you have a certain level of ability, perhaps high or perhaps low—and there’s little you can do to change it.

A manager with a fixed mindset aims to show others that he or she is exceptionally capable. Mistakes, difficulties, less-than-perfect performance, etc., signal that his or her ability is low. So a manager with a fixed mindset projects an image of effortless, perfect performance in everything he or she does. Their goal is to win admiration for their brilliance—to impress others with their supposed brilliance.

Tactics of Fixed-Minded Bosses

The intensity of this mindset in these bosses can cause you to view your abilities through the lens of a fixed mindset, hindering your career development. How? Their strategies for enhancing their image include undermining your image—taking credit for your successes, berating you for mistakes, and comparing you to others in ways that isolate you from colleagues who might be potential resources or support.

The FM’s tactics can cause you to ask, “Am I good enough or not?” You start to worry that you’re not, feel stressed, withdraw from your colleagues and anticipated challenges, and give up on efforts to advance your career.

Control Your Mindset

How to combat a fixed mindset when your boss is an expert at one trigger? Pay attention to the shift in your emotions and listen for the fixed thoughts and actions that indicate it:

When your boss takes excessive credit for the team’s success on a key project, your FM gets frustrated and whispers, “It’s not worth the effort.” You take your foot off the gas pedal at work and miss opportunities to sharpen your skills.

When your boss ignores or dismisses your well-thought-out suggestions, your FM gets frustrated and says, “I’m not good enough” and backs away from bringing up other ideas for change.

When your boss asks why you didn’t respond immediately to a non-urgent email on the weekend, FM feels uncomfortable, concludes, “I’m irresponsible” and obsessively checks and responds to all work emails, ignoring personal and/or family priorities. When your boss praises your contribution and disdains your team members, FM brags, “I’m amazing” and puts you above and beyond your team.

The key to doing your job efficiently while exploring other job options is to maintain a growth mindset in the face of a facilities management boss.

A growth mindset accepts that although you may start with a certain level of ability, it can be increased through effort. A growth mindset recognizes that bosses have strengths and weaknesses. They have a history that shapes their approach to managing others. Their management strategies can be a challenge to your career development. Acknowledge this unfortunate reality so you can secure another job. However, if they cross the line and you feel abused or insecure, seek professional counseling.

Dealing with this difficult boss:

Identify your fixed thoughts and feelings.
Resist the fixed mindset goal of proving your competence and move to the growth mindset goal of increasing your competence.
Ask: What specific actions would you take if you held onto a growth mindset?

When your boss criticizes you, the facilities manager says, “I’m incompetent” or “How dare they? I’m superior.” The general manager admits, “That hurts,” and asks, “Is there any constructive feedback included in that criticism that would allow me to move forward in this job?”

When your boss asks why you didn’t respond immediately to a non-urgent email over the weekend, the general manager feels irresponsible. The general manager accepts that you value your professional life, but it’s unrealistic to be 100 percent available when you also value your personal and family well-being and will set appropriate boundaries regarding emails outside of the workday.

Related : How to Deal With Abusive, Narcissistic and Hostile Bosses

When your boss compares you negatively to others or praises your accomplishments, the general manager says, “I’m incompetent” or smiles, “I’m exceptional.” The general manager focuses on what you can learn from your colleagues, regardless of the exaggerated praise or criticism. He recommends maintaining a respectful, professional relationship with them so that you can collaborate to get the strategies and information you need to continue to grow in your career.

When assessing progress Career During your time working for a narcissistic boss, the narcissistic manager screams, “All my hopes and dreams of doing a perfect job and being outstanding have been shattered.” The general manager asks, “What lessons have I learned from this job experience and how will I use them to advance in my search for a new job? What skills have I honed from this experience and what skills do I need to develop?” A growth mindset documents the skills that have been developed, notes the skills that need to be developed, and uses this information to inform the next steps in your search for a job that you value.