I thought back to the day he was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
When my therapist told my husband he lacked empathy, he dismissed the idea.
We’ve been through several months of marriage counseling and have just answered a bunch of test questions. We met with the counselor to receive the results of those tests.
“Why should I care if a dog falls through the ice on the evening news?” My husband said.
It was a reference to one of the hundreds of questions he remembered answering. Our consultant explained that these tests were industry standards in the field of psychology. Of course, nearly eight months of counseling regarding this diagnosis was the culmination of more than just these tests.
I heard the diagnosis and it confirmed for me. What I was experiencing was real even if the majority of the world would never recognize my narcissistic husband’s fascination with party life.
I should have run for the door but I didn’t. I was in denial. I hoped for a miracle.
Emma and I loved a man who could not love us back.
This is what my narcissistic husband did when we lost our dog. He revealed himself.
It was too much to keep denying. It made me finally realize who I was married to.
It made me accept the diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Related: 5 Steps To Finally Heal (And Move On) From Your Narcissist Parent
Winning is knowing your self-worth. It’s about claiming your identity again.
“Winning is all about you,” Fisher says. And you are the only thing needed to win because you are enough.
Related: The ‘Karpman Drama Triangle’ Perfectly Explains Why It’s Hard To Leave A Narcissist
2. Understand that you already have everything you need.
Ask yourself what you like about this person. Is it their self-confidence or how kind they are? Maybe it’s their charm and intelligence. The way they always know what to say.
However, once you know this, take a moment to look within yourself. You may realize that all the things you like about this person are qualities within you.
You have the potential to be all of these things and more, and guess what? Your narcissist knows this too.
“Because these narcissists are manipulative,” Fisher explains, “they will take the qualities they like in you and immediately mirror them.”
This is why people find it difficult to let go of narcissists. Because they can resonate with their narcissist. And they do this on purpose to keep you entangled in their network.
3. Don’t give up your identity.
“Once you find yourself holding on to that person and not letting go,” Fisher says. Don’t lose yourself again, and don’t sacrifice your peace of mind for anyone else.
However, what if you don’t find yourself? Where to start?
Clinical psychologist Dr Emma Medard recommends regulating your emotions and how you feel. Keep a journal and track these feelings daily.
She also advises us to abandon our self-criticism. “When we feel lost, we need care and kindness to find our way through non-judgment and criticism,” explains Medard.
Finally, try to think about your choices and impacts. Look at your past decisions and question why you made them.
Has someone dear to you influenced you? Did it affect you negatively or positively? Have anyone’s expectations affected you in any way?
Medard continues: “What do you want to keep and what do you want to give up?”
By thinking about these questions and changing your mindset, you will have an easier time winning an argument against a narcissist.
Remember, it’s not just about what you say; Changing the way you think and act is the key to overcoming any narcissist.
RELATED: I Almost Missed This Subtle Red Flag On My First Date With A Narcissist
