Nothing ruins a perfectly good day faster than someone full of negativity and toxicity.
Toxic people are everywhere, and the worst part is that most of them don’t even realize that they are the problem.
Most toxic people think that everyone else is the problem when it comes to negativity.
If you find yourself wondering whether or not someone is negative, consider these 10 warning signs that can help you determine if you’re surrounded by toxic people.
It’s important to face these demons head-on because you don’t need to deal with these types of people – you need to stay away from them because they can leave you emotionally drained.
Related : Covert narcissist: 5 things they do and how to handle them
Here are some signs of a toxic person, and after that, we’ll go over 14 ways how to deal with these difficult people.
1) They only care about you when it serves them
Everyone has one “friend” who they only call when they need a service. Or maybe it’s a family member who you feel compelled to help.
No matter who they are to you if they only call you when they need something from you, they are a toxic person.
According to Abigail Brenner (MD) in Psychology Today, toxic people use other people to achieve their goals:
Find out and start making plans to extricate yourself from that relationship. A person who only takes and never gives is not someone you need in your life.
2) They have a grudge
Toxic people love to stir up drama, and one of the best ways to do that is to talk about something stupid you did in the past.
Maybe they tease you in front of your friends, or maybe they throw it in your face in a bad way, and you feel bad about it again.
It’s as if they have Peter Pan Syndrome and can’t let go of anything.
According to a Forbes article by Travis Bradberry, toxic people may fear that people will hurt them:
If someone is spending a lot of time digging into the past and not working on getting over themselves, then you need to move on.
Holding a senseless grudge is a surefire way to alienate people.
3) They make you feel stuck
A person with toxic behavior will do everything they can to make you feel bad about your life because as much as they put on a good show, they feel bad about their life.
According to the book “5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities,” the author says that the characteristic of “high-conflict personalities” is extreme negative behavior:
They will bring out the best in their passive-aggressive nature and make it very clear that you cannot escape your job, or any situation you find yourself in.
Often, they are unable to move forward with their lives, and they need people to stay there with them.
If you have toxic people in your life who make you feel bad, you need to learn how to stand up for yourself.
Because you have a choice in the matter.
4) They mess with your hopes and dreams
You will know that you are in the presence of negative and toxic people if every time you announce something, they lie about it and tell you a million reasons why you cannot do the thing you want to do.
Jacqueline Newman, a divorce and matrimonial law attorney in New York City, says in Bustle that a sign of toxic behavior is if they insult you with veiled constructive comments:
The comments get worse over time, to the point where you doubt yourself and your goals.
Whether you want to buy a new car, find a new job, find new love, or move to a new city, their negativity has nothing to do with them and nothing to do with you, so just ignore it.
However, they will give her a good hook, so pay attention.
5) They are lying to you
Toxic people can’t help themselves when it comes to lying. It’s as if they need to fan the flames of drama and chaos to be happy.
Related : Breaking up with a narcissist: 11 things you need to know
According to Shannon Thomas, LCSW, in Greatist, “Toxic people are skilled manipulators, skilled liars, and great actors…they can hide everywhere.”
If someone does not fight, he does not live. They will lie to people about you, for you, and for you, and do the same within your circle of acquaintances to meet their own needs.
If you’ve ever wondered what it feels like to be “thrown under the bus,” stick with a toxic person, and you’ll find out soon enough.
6) You feel negative when you are around them
Toxic people are like cancer in a bucket. Have you ever seen a crab in a bucket?
They all try to escape at once and end up dragging each other down. They don’t want to see any of their kind succeed so they grab it, pull it and voila! Nobody comes out.
Wow, talk about a tough crowd.
According to Abigail Brenner (Ph.D.) in Psychology Today, there is a negative atmosphere around toxic people because they focus on problems, not solutions:
If you have toxic people in your life, you probably feel like you’re in a bucket full of crabs.
They don’t want help, they won’t help themselves, and yet they want everyone around them to feel as bad as they do about life, love, work, money, and happiness.
Toxic people tend to be deeply wounded, says Judy Gill, MA, a psychotherapist and life coach in Sydney, Australia.
Basically, they want everyone to feel as bad as they do. According to Brenner, this is because toxic people project their feelings onto you:
If you walk away from a negative conversation and find yourself carrying that feeling for a while, or making negative comments to others afterward, that’s a good indicator that you’ve just spent time with a toxic person. They are so cold!
Toxic people have a way of infiltrating our lives and leaving an undesirable impression but they find their way in anyway. He stays with us sometimes. Get rid of it and go back to being you.
7) They want what you have
Toxic people cannot be happy for you no matter how much you have achieved or accomplished in your life. So much so that they are willing to run you out of the way to get it.
According to Rhonda Freeman Ph.D. Psychology Today describes a common trait of a narcissist:
As mentioned earlier, toxic people tend to be highly narcissistic. They will beg, borrow, and steal their way into this part of your life to get a piece of the pie, and then claim it all as their own.
Keep a close eye on them at work because if they hate your happiness, they will try to take it away from you.
8) They encourage you to feel sorry for them
The interesting thing about toxic people is that they need a lot of social interaction to maintain their toxicity. Ultimately, you can’t be negative if you’re alone.
“Toxic people drain you and leave you emotionally devastated,” according to Shannon Thomas, LCSW, at Greatist. “They want you to feel sorry for them and be responsible for all their problems — and then fix those problems, too.”
They will try to get you to agree with their toxic assessments of a situation or person, and then they will tell everyone what you said. Stay away from them. It’s bad news.
9) They expect you to be someone different
Negative people will hate you no matter what you do or act, so it’s best to be yourself.
They want you to be everything or everyone else, and nothing will ever be good enough because they think it’s perfect when in reality they are far from it. Just ignore their comments that try to bring you down. They will find rock bottom soon enough.
This may be because narcissists have a high need for perfection, says Margalis Fjellstad, Ph.D., LMFT at Mind Body Green:
10) They will not hesitate to manipulate you at any cost
When it comes to toxic people, there is no such thing as kindness or integrity.
If they want something from you, they will do everything in their power to get it.
Written by Abigail Brenner M.D. In Psychology Today:
If you get in their way, they won’t care about your feelings or needs. They will say what they need, make up lies, and compliment you until you work in their service.
Now that we’ve talked about how to spot a toxic person, let’s go over 8 ways to deal with them.
(To learn how to stick up for yourself and avoid being manipulated by a toxic person, check out Hack Spirit’s e-book on the art of taking charge of your life here)
