Ironically, I realized my anxiety when it suddenly became the thing I feared the least. I found myself a single mother of four wonderful daughters, freed from a narcissistic and cruel ex-husband. I was so used to feeling numb that when I started to reconnect with my emotions, all the fear I had lived with for years came to the surface. My approach to life, similar to my father’s, is to get a few books on a topic and start educating myself, but somehow specific methods for treating anxiety have proven elusive.
One thing that kept coming up in my research was that the brain is plastic, and we have a lot of power in how our brains change.
This means that if I want to build neural pathways that take me away from a visceral fear reaction, I will have to gather my own materials and start rebuilding myself.
I can’t promise that these methods will work for you. But I will say that they have worked for me, and will continue to work for me, even though I need them less and less.
I started by taking the time to figure out the source of my anxiety. For me, I think the anxiety stems from an insecure attachment to my parents early on. This was not due to a lack of love, but rather a result of the difficulties including poor health they suffered when I was young. Adding abusive flowers to a twelve year marriage and helping my PTSD brought a mind, heart and body that was more accustomed to fear than to any other emotion. So my task was simple but seemingly impossible. I had to teach myself to feel loved and safe. This took me about three years of consistent practice, but I’m so grateful I took the time to rethink my thinking.
Method 1:
I needed to learn how to feel love, so I went to the purest source of that love. For a year I focused solely on loving Baba God. I kept verses about his love in my pockets. If I started to feel lonely or anxious, I would stop what I was doing and focus either on a Bible verse or on visualizing the physical sun in the meadow communing with Jesus. Our subconscious is a funny thing. He believes what we tell him. So I held on to Jesus’ hand until I felt the anxiety subside. I hugged him tightly when I needed to. I imagined him telling me how much he loved me. I focused my heart and mind on accepting and experiencing His love for me. This was not easy and at first seemed a hopeless task. But I wanted to be free so badly. After a year of doing this daily, the hole in my chest was filled with a much greater sense of peace and acceptance.
By doing this, I found that I was resisting being loved. I wasn’t sure what it felt like to be loved without criticism. I had to experience the place where I felt God’s love in my body. At first, it seemed like his love was only on my mind.
But as I learned to rest my heart in His presence, I began to learn to receive more deeply than ever before.
New bridges were formed in my mind from the excitement of the event to the arms of Jesus.
Second method:
I fear that some people will think that this method is superstitious. You see, I have a secret number from God. Every time I see eight or more in a row, God reminds me that He loves me. The number 88 has no magical power. It is not an omen or a good luck charm. Simply put, when I see this number, I think of God’s love. When I started doing this, I knew I was creating a neural pathway to remember God’s love. But what I didn’t expect was the number of places the number 88 existed: license plates, phone numbers, addresses, receipt amounts; They all added to this reminder. The first year, I couldn’t believe how many iterations of this number there were.
Now some may say that God does not call me through this number. Maybe when I need that number, when I need a reminder of God’s love, I subconsciously look for the number 88. My answer to this is so what?
Whatever reminds you to meditate on God’s love, choose it.
If daisies do that, look for daisies. All I know is that my mind associates with this number which instantly relaxes my body and keeps me focused on loving God. What’s not to love about that?
Third method:
I changed my awareness of my surroundings and focused my mind on feeling safe. Anxiety is a habit of being. I literally had no memory of how safe I felt. I would look around, at home, in my office, or somewhere outside, hugging myself and telling myself I was okay. I am safe in this moment.
The benefit of learning how to feel safe is that you begin to have more discernment when you are not safe.
Learning to distinguish between safe and unsafe situations is life or death.
Sometimes we mix. My first marriage gave me a false sense of security. I internalized my fears in order to cope, to the point where I lived in a very unsafe situation for me and my children. But once I got out, my thoughts about safety had to be reframed. Now I understand that security is never perfect and that danger can come at any moment. But I don’t live in what might happen. I live in the present where my wonderful second husband is sweetly snoring on the couch, my five cats are with me in my office, and I am safe.
I write this in the hope that each of you who suffer from anxiety will pick up on this raw material and maybe a few more. I hope you start new construction on your mental highways. If you want the mind of Christ, you must seek Him. As with any new construction project, it will seem difficult at first. But over time, you will begin to notice that peace that passes understanding. After all, each of you is known and loved individually by the God who created you with love, power, and a sound mind.
Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts, do not be intimidated. John 14:27
I have spoken to you so that you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But trust. I have overcome the world. John 16:33
