Have you ever asked yourself: “Why do I keep attracting narcissists and jerks?”
Well, if you’re a smart, kind, self-reliant, successful woman with a few of the usual insecurities…then you’re safe from these guys! You are definitely not alone. far from it. I’ll tell you why this happens and give you the power to stop it. Listen.
I have coached many women by breaking their pattern of attracting and choosing these toxic men.
Contrary to what you might think, narcissists do not pursue weak women. They are attracted to strong women who have a lot to offer. Someone like you maybe?
Think of men with narcissistic personality disorder as brokenhearted people in Prince Charming’s clothing. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
Here’s how it works: Narcissists need someone nice to stroke their ego.
Before continuing reading,I offer you some related books :
They want someone successful and strong to take care of them. They want someone sympathetic to meet their child-like needs. They want someone who is self-sufficient so they don’t have to take care of your needs. Whatever your fears (we all have some) they will take full advantage of them for their own gain.
What does he get in return? The ideal alpha male who is sexy, fun, charming and intelligent. He’s funny and intense, and when you’re together, there’s never a dull moment. You will have chemistry and feel high from all his attention. For a while, anyway.
I definitely internalized these charming and manipulative men when I was single. Like countless women who shared their stories with me, I felt broken, drained, and more insecure than ever. And I felt stupid for allowing myself to get involved in this way.
Related: There Are Two Key Reasons Even The Smartest Women Are Magnetically Attracted To Narcissistic Men
In case you feel embarrassed or stupid to choose these people, please don’t do it. They are experts at what they do. In the words of Samuel Lopez de Victoria, Ph.D. From his PsychCentral article on the topic:
“A skilled narcissist is someone with some amazing traits. In my opinion, they can be formidable… You can also be dazzled by the power of attraction that someone mirrors you in order to create a deep connection. This intense connection is created when someone makes you feel like you know them For a long time or you feel safe with him at first. They have opened the door to your insides. A skilled extreme narcissist knows how to mirror your music back to you so you feel like he has a playlist of your favorite songs.
Yes, of course. Narcissists are truly formidable.
If you’re attracting narcissists, please, please read these three ways to spot them early and stop wasting your time on men who won’t appreciate you.
- Early in any relationship, ask for what you want and see what happens.
These men have a way of appearing generous and kind. They wine and dine you. They tell you what you’ve been longing to hear. It’s all about you. But this is what it seems. They may take you places of your choice, but it’s still on their terms. They make all the calls.
Pay attention, and when there’s something you want, express it. Start small like mentioning an activity you’d like to do or a restaurant you’d like to try. Or you may ask him to change the appointment time, or to call you at a certain time.
It’s easy to be fooled by this because narcissists can be very good givers – as long as they want to give you something. For example, he may want to spend time with his friends, but not with yours. Or he takes you where he wants to go, or he has no trouble expecting a favor from you. Ask yourself: When you’re together, does it seem like it’s all more about his world than yours?
The last thing a narcissist wants is someone who expects their needs to be met. So, be that person. Ask for what you want and see what it does. A good man wants to give you what you want. The narcissist wants to give you what he wants.
Related: 3 Things Narcissists Will Try To Use Against You (And How To Respond)
- You need to know your must-haves and stick to them
No matter how charming you are or how fun he is, when determining if he could be a potential partner, stay focused on the things you have to have. You want someone who is honest, reliable, and generous, right? You want to feel truly appreciated and respected. Does he do that or are you making excuses for your narcissistic man?
When he upsets you, does he always have a way of making it your fault in the end and making you feel wrong? Does he dismiss things you say or things you want because he claims to know better? Does he dominate the conversation and bring the topic back to him? Do you feel that he abused your kindness? Do you feel less than you do with him?
If you find that your values are being compromised, cut them off, the sooner the better. As anyone who has survived a narcissist will tell you, looking back, there were always signs they ignored and excuses they made. I suggest you look now and take action.
(Not yet clear on what’s essential for adults? Get help here.)
