Hello, Chosen One.

I understand that your confusion about the narcissist’s choice of you over others is what got you here.

What exactly did they find attractive about you? What drove them to this toxic approach? How did you end up in this mess?

Understanding why will increase awareness, and that awareness will save you next time.

So, without further ado, let’s analyze the narcissist’s motivation.

You Are Successful At Something

It’s hard to believe that you could be successful in the eyes of a narcissist, isn’t it?

All the while, they make you feel like you’re the last person on Earth they’d choose to stay with on a deserted island, and yet they chose you.

Now, don’t think the narcissist is right when they tell you you’re good for nothing.

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You’re good at everything they don’t want to see or hear, so those qualities are draining you.

I know how confusing it is to play any role in a narcissist’s life, but somehow, there’s a part of you that needs them.

Understanding Your Role: The Bond

In short, the narcissist needs you because you’re more willing to meet their needs than, say, a less empathetic person.

Narcissists will give you all the attention and desire you feel you’ve never received (very intermittently), and this is what forms your attachment to them.

There’s a part of you that needs the narcissist, too. They may resemble a parent from childhood, reminding you of how you earned their love to deserve it.

This way, you’ll feel like you’re correcting a part of yourself that you were too young to know existed.

This bond is partly made up of them and partly of you, but it’s there, and it’s been there since the moment you met.

So, what drives the narcissist to choose you? What exactly are they looking for?

7 Reasons a Narcissist Chooses You

1 To Use You

It’s simple, and it’s completely obvious.

Narcissists choose you because they know they can exploit you. They know you have so much to offer and want to take advantage of them.

Related : See How Modern Society Is Turning More People Into Narcissists

Your good nature is stripped of all dignity, and they exploit you from the start. Knowing you’re willing to do anything they ask because you love them is the reason they get away with it.

I hate to say this, but that’s the role you fill. That’s the void in their lives that you bring warmth and meaning to.

2 Give Them What They Need

It’s not that you explicitly or consciously want to give the narcissist literally what they need—that goes much deeper.

Giving a narcissist what they need can be:

Forgive their anger or abuse

Being sad or angry when they provoke you, or want you to be

Being there to shower them with praise when they need a boost

Falling into their traps as if they were their own trap

Changing your mind based on what they tell you

Apologizing, even if you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong

The list goes on, but at the core, these are the ways every victim gives their abuser what they need—always resulting in more power for them and less for you.

3 Making Them Look Good

If you can make them look good, that pays off, right?

Taking you out to buy expensive clothes so you can look like the special partner they want you to be at their important work event. Having important connections or relationships, or even a job they can brag about to their friends. If you’re someone of high standing, others will see the narcissist as worthy of being with you.

Related : Find Out How Narcissists Turn Every Phone Call Into a Power Play

Being at home and making it look beautiful with all the money the narcissist asks you to spend on it. So when people visit, they’re impressed by your lifestyle, and maybe even a little envious*!

If you can win them over, they’ll choose you forever.

(Remember – healthy people won’t hesitate to express how jealous they are of what someone else has. The joking way you can say, “Oh, I’m so jealous you have that car!” is what really feeds their thirst.)

4 They Need a Place to Stay/Money

It can be tough when someone clings to you looking for a place to stay, or keeps asking for loans.

I’ll pay you back on Friday, I promise.

I have some work to do. You’ll get your money as soon as possible.

You want to do it because you’re a good person and you love helping!

That’s why they chose you – to make the most of what you have.

What’s yours is theirs!

5 Your Positivity

Narcissists extract positivity from people and hoard it for themselves.

Supplying yourself with positive energy won’t leave you with nothing, but they target you for it.

Without any of that healthy, kind identity, you’ll just be a miserable person, and that’s not in their best interest.

6 How Fair You Are

You will always give the narcissist the benefit of the doubt. You don’t want or like conflict.

You hate the idea of ​​arguing over trivial matters, so you do what you can to keep the peace.

Related : You’re Shocked to See Where Narcissists Really End Up

You treat the narcissist fairly, and they like knowing they can get away with whatever they can.

They like to see you offer them moral equilibrium, and that will no doubt be one of the main reasons they chose them.

7 Because You Chose Them

Okay, hear me out…

You didn’t say, “Hey, I think I’d take a lot of abuse from this person. So, I declare you the love of my life!”

But…

…you must be the type of person who needs those qualities. And I know what you’re thinking. No, you didn’t need the abuse—but a part of you needed to respond positively to their charm.

You loved it. You enjoyed feeling appreciated. And every time they listened to you open up about your past and everything you’d been through, they listened.

It felt great to finally be heard, and you thought it would be different.

Only time will prove you wrong, and by then you’ve put yourself in a situation you’re desperate to escape.

So, yes, there are parts of you that choose those initial feelings and gestures from the narcissist—just as they choose you.