This Is How I Got Closure With My Narcissist

Anyone who has experienced narcissistic abuse knows that there is no closure. Narcissists either ignore you or you don’t contact them.

When my narcissist left me, I couldn’t bear the pain. I couldn’t understand why the world kept moving and why my heart kept beating.

To me, it felt like the end of the world.

I noticed his absence. His absence hurt me deeply. He’s no longer with me, and I’ve gotten very used to him.

How unbearable it was for me to go to sleep without someone kissing me good night.

How unbearable it was for me to wake up in the morning without him sleeping on the other side of the bed.

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How unbearable it was for me to see his coat still hanging on the door. And it wasn’t there.

His memories filled my room. I will feel his presence everywhere. I’ll feel it in our bed.

I would feel it in the park we used to go to on the weekends. I’ll feel it in the cold, windy air.

I missed his smell. I missed his kisses, and I missed his voice. I missed his presence.

Most of all I missed myself. I missed who I was before I fell in love with him. I missed feeling worthy and valued.

I miss feeling good. I missed the feeling of freedom. I had all these things, and then I met him. I met the man who would destroy my life..

It was incredible to be able to feel love for the man who continued to hurt me.

The thought of not closing with him drove me crazy. It was almost unbearable.

He burned so many bridges that he couldn’t come back. I couldn’t go back to hell again.

His love choked me. He did not provide me with support or understanding. Every day was a living hell.

I was constantly told I was stupid but he loved me so it didn’t matter to him. He wanted to make me believe that everything I did was wrong.

One of the things he would say over and over again – and it hurt me deeply every time – was when he would say, “No one will ever want me!”

I always felt some bitterness behind his words. I will feel like he hates me. It seemed ridiculous.

He claimed to love me, but at the same time, he told me many things that people would only say to someone they hate.

And his eyes…his eyes were the scariest part of his face. When he was talking down to me, it seemed that behind those eyes there was a certain blackness and emptiness.

There was indeed something strange in the way he was looking at me. The eyes looked as dead as his heart.

Those memories haunted me even in my dreams. I had nightmares that he came to punish me. I would wake up in the middle of the night and be devastated.

I was crying for fear that he would conspire against me and one day come to take revenge on me.

Just the thought of him being angry at me for not calling me made me anxious.

I was split into two pieces. I felt like a part of my body was being torn off and that I had to learn to live without it. The pain was great.

I knew I could live without that part again, but that life would be much different.

There were no magic pills to cure my pain. It’s been going on for a very long time. I knew I had to do something. So I did.

I created a funeral for him in my mind.

I imagined him lying in a coffin. People approached me expressing their sympathy. And I was crying. I was crying my eyes out.

I let some women comfort me, saying things would be better in the end.

Everyone who did not know what the monster was was saddened by his death. They spoke well of him. I wanted so badly to believe them.

I wanted to remember my narcissist as a personable, loving, cultured man, the man from the beginning of our relationship.

But, deep in my heart, I knew I didn’t want to remember him at all.

I saw him lying in the coffin. No matter how hard I tried to hate him, I couldn’t. The man I loved has died. He died of a disease called “narcissism.”

The disease itself was as deadly as cancer. It destroyed his heart little by little. Then his mind and eyesight weakened.

I was holding a rose in my hand. I wanted to put it on his chest. It was his last farewell.

I bent down to place the rose on his chest, and whispered in his ear: May God forgive all your sins because I cannot!

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Those were the last words I said to him. That was the last time she touched him. And she walked away.

As I was gone, I couldn’t help but notice how my heart started beating so fast that I thought I was going to pass out.

My legs were shaking, and I could feel the anxiety in the air.

It suddenly started to rain, and all the raindrops mixed with my tears.

Finally, it felt like all the negative energy had been eliminated. I felt relieved.

It’s time to bury the man who destroyed me with his memories.

This is how I was able to end my relationship with the narcissist.

It was easier for me to deal with believing he was dead than knowing he was alive and couldn’t care for me.

I couldn’t have done it differently. It was a matter of life and death. And I chose to live.