It pains me to have to paraphrase a narcissist. Even as I type, I find myself choking back vomit.
What makes me particularly nauseous is how audacious they are to justify themselves after saying or doing something so horrific.
And guess who’s suffering from that?
You!
I won’t say any more!
Not only do I tell you this, I care enough to endure the nausea and give you the things narcissists say to justify their behavior.
I just wish your stomach was stronger than mine…
Nothing They Say Matters…
Not to them, anyway. The words coming out of their mouths will naturally be a toxic mix of charm and irritation, but that doesn’t mean you should believe them, or accept those words at face value.
In fact, nothing narcissists say matters because they come from a place of mental distortion.
Their reality is distorted, but they don’t want to admit it, or tell you where the weakness lies.
What they tell you is so full of drama and envy that you’ll believe them. Words cut deep.
Related !: Did The Narcissist Ever Love You?
When they act or talk this way, you hear certain things from them—all of which are self-justifying acts.
“I didn’t do…”
It didn’t take long before I needed to hand out the vomit bucket!
I didn’t.
Come on.
Of course I did.
We all know you did.
Even the neighbor’s cat knows you did.
Narcissists always do the thing they say they didn’t do, but they expect you to listen when they try to get out of it.
There’s no excuse for an unkind act, and there’s no way to talk about escaping what it can do to people.
“I was stressed at work”
So what?!
We all get stressed at work. We get late for deadlines. People don’t communicate with us.
Projects don’t go according to plan. We get sick and need to take time off—for whatever reason. And stress isn’t limited to toxic people.
Stress is an excuse for toxic people to lash out at you (sometimes literally) and make you feel bad.
And then they have the audacity to say, “Well, I had a bad day,” and shrug it off.
Related : THIS is What Happens The Day You Stop Believing The Narcissists Lies
No. That’s not how it works at all. As a couple, you can work through stress together, rather than using it as an excuse to lash out at someone who cares about you.
“I work hard, and I enjoy myself.”
So, they’re late getting home again and not answering their calls.
Where do you stand on this?
You might call, ask, or even check the local traffic on your phone if you’re starting to feel overly anxious.
Why does the narcissist have all the fun alone, without giving you a second thought?
Does he spend his time with anyone else in particular? What kind of threat does that seem to you?
And when they finally get home, they blame you. Somehow, people, it’s your fault. Can you believe it?!
Listen, I work hard, so I have every right to enjoy myself.
What a “they and you”!
”I had a tough childhood”
A tough childhood leaves deep scars, and can make it difficult to create and maintain relationships.
If you had a tough childhood, you’re probably aware of it and aim to work on what it meant for you.
This means examining your self-worth, your self-confidence, and your beliefs about yourself and the world.
Narcissists like to run with the painful narrative that they were treated unfairly, and use it as an excuse to treat you unfairly.
Things were too hard for me, and it doesn’t work (or should be).
You have to put in the inner work if you want something to work out for someone else. It’s not easy, but in doing so, you’re admitting that you’re not perfect.
Don’t pass the buck to anyone else, which is what narcissists do when they justify bad behavior.
“You do it too”
Oh, right. It is, isn’t it? And what exactly do you do that is so terrible?
You’re probably late for work once every twelve years. Narcissists will never forget that time, because that’s all they need to justify their constant lateness.
They’ll do it if they can blame you and drag you into the fight. That’s how they deal with being a bad person, so if they’re swimming in stagnant waters with someone else, it doesn’t seem half as bad!
“You’re always on my back!”
Are you?
I don’t think you are, and I don’t even know you.
To them, you’re responsible, but to you, you’re interested. You’re curious. You want to talk.
Related : You Are Probably Doing This One Thing That Keeps Attracting Narcissists
These are normal things that emotionally healthy people do in relationships. If a narcissist feels threatened, or if you’re digging in too deep, they won’t tell you that they’re feeling too vulnerable.
Instead, they’ll tell you to back off.
“I was fine until you started asking questions”
Again, it’s your fault if you try to reach out to them. So what do you do, as a victim?
You’re likely to back off immediately. You accept that you’re “too much” for someone, and leave them alone.
And then…
You don’t care about me! You don’t give a damn about me!
Well, that’s right. Here we go.
So, literally, nothing you do works, but somehow, they always get a justification for it.
“You should have learned a lesson”
There is no need to learn any lesson through the actions of abusive behavior. The only thing to learn is how to treat people properly, which definitely shouldn’t come from you!
“It’s your fault!”
Right away, they are directly accusing you of being responsible.
It’s a favorite narcissistic phrase, and it’s meant to hurt you. It’s meant to transfer what they’re carrying onto you, so they don’t burden themselves with it.
Related : Top 5 Accusations From Narcissists
Do you see how whatever you do, you’re always wrong, even when what you’re doing is nothing at all?!
“It just piles up”
Everything that piles up inside the narcissist is up to them to organize – not you.
If they have a lot of things going on, it’s their failure to acknowledge that there’s a problem and their constant efforts to maintain a perfect image that prevents the problems from escaping.
In either case – you’re not responsible when these problems explode. If you have been hurt by words or actions – the narcissist should not get away with it by saying it was the result of too many things happening at once.
