Some people find themselves in a relationship with a narcissist, fight their way out, and do everything they can to write off or avoid other narcissists for the rest of their lives.
Others feel that they are just a magnet for narcissists.
They give up one romantic relationship with a narcissist – only to find themselves in a new abusive situation only months later. Or they may continue to endure narcissistic abuse from co-workers or family members.
If the latter hits close to home, you’re not alone.
You may have asked yourself, “Is there something wrong with me that makes me vulnerable to narcissistic abuse and exploitation?”
The answer is “no”.
There is nothing wrong with you – far from it – but there is a possibility that you have some qualities that make you very attractive to narcissists, like mites to a flame or leeches to a host.
These are probably some of your best qualities. Abusers know this and that is why they use narcissistic manipulation tactics to take advantage of you and use your good nature for their gain.
There was a time in my life when I was taken advantage of by narcissists for my caring traits – but no more.
Unfortunately, I have encountered many narcissists (both in work and love) – from whom I have now protected myself.
In my course The Essential Break Free Bootcamp, I share a full range of techniques I have used to disarm and heal narcissists.
Narcissists and empaths
A common misconception is that narcissists lack empathy.
Empathy simply means having the ability to understand another person’s thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Empathy can exist completely without other characteristics such as empathy – this is called cognitive empathy.
Torturers use cognitive empathy to get inside their victims’ heads and cause untold pain.
Narcissists don’t lack empathy – they lack empathy, regret, and humanity.
7 Traits empathiques qui vous rendent vulnérable à la manipulation narcissique
Les narcissiques sont attirés par les personnes ayant des traits spécifiques. Ces traits donnent à l’agresseur une longueur d’avance pour mettre en œuvre des tactiques de manipulation narcissique et aspirer la force vitale de leurs victimes.
D’autres personnes peuvent ne pas tolérer les abus narcissiques à un stade très précoce. Mais les personnes ayant des traits d’empathie sont différentes : elles ont le désir d’aider, de guérir et de réparer les gens.
Ils croient que les gens méritent un amour inconditionnel – même les narcissiques.
Avec ces traits, autant porter une cible rouge pour les narcissiques ! Mais vous n’avez pas à le supporter et vous pouvez changer votre façon de réagir aux abus narcissiques. La première étape consiste à identifier ce qui attire les narcissiques dans votre personnalité.
- Ayez confiance et intégrité
Certaines personnes croient que la confiance doit être gagnée en rencontrant quelqu’un. Après tout, comment pouvez-vous faire confiance à quelqu’un que vous venez de rencontrer ?
Pour vous, la confiance ne doit pas être gagnée dès le départ : vous faites naturellement confiance aux gens pour vous traiter avec respect et faire ce qu’il faut.
Pourquoi? Parce que vous êtes intègre et que vous êtes une personne de confiance. Vous vous attendez à ce que les gens méritent votre confiance jusqu’à ce qu’ils la brisent.
Les narcissiques savent que vous faites naturellement confiance, et ils utilisent cela à leur avantage pour mettre en œuvre des tactiques de manipulation narcissique contre vous. Ils savent qu’ils peuvent s’en tirer avec des mensonges sur des mensonges parce qu’ils savent que vous voulez vraiment leur faire confiance.
- Vous valorisez l’égalité et traitez les autres avec respect
Vous croyez que les relations sont une expérience à 50/50 et que vous traitez les autres comme vous aimeriez qu’ils vous traitent.
Lorsque vous avez rencontré le narcissique pour la première fois, il a probablement coopté votre besoin d’égalité et de dignité fondamentale. Mais brique par brique, leur mascarade commence à se défaire. Jusqu’au jour où vous vous retrouvez à vous excuser parce que vous avez eu l’audace de dire au narcissique qu’il vous a blessé.
Les narcissiques ont utilisé leur empathie cognitive pour entrer dans votre tête et exploiter l’empathie émotionnelle en raison de leur sens infini du droit.
- Vous refusez d’abandonner
Pour les narcissiques, les personnes ayant une empathie compatissante sont comme des drogues. Chaque fois qu’ils vous battent et exécutent des tactiques de manipulation narcissique pour vous exploiter, ils obtiennent une solution pour leur ego fragile – et personne ne veut exploser.
The narcissist knows that you will never give up (or so they think) because it is in your nature to see things through to the end. This is why they cling to you and won’t let go. This is why they seem to “love” you and abuse you at the same time.
- You love unconditionally
This is perhaps one of the most bitter traits that makes you such a magnet for narcissists. They know that when you love someone, you love them unconditionally.
This can apply to all types of relationships including romantic partners, friends, and family members. You believe that everyone deserves unconditional love.
The narcissist understands this about you and takes full advantage of it. Between the fights and the offensive slurs, you may find that the narcissist apologizes briefly, showers you with compliments, and promises to change. This is all a front to make you believe that they also love you unconditionally – and they use it to keep you hooked until the next blast.
- You are honest and compassionate
For a narcissist, honesty, and compassion are not traits that one should flaunt. These traits are weaknesses that must be hidden.
Why? Because someone can take advantage of these vulnerable traits – and that’s exactly what narcissists do.
At first, the narcissist will pretend to appreciate your sincerity and compassion. However, slowly but surely, they will use these traits against you.
Have you told the narcissist your worst fears? Things that make you sad or mad? Trauma from your past?
The narcissist will freely dig all of it every time he needs to implement narcissistic manipulation tactics and exploit your true (and very valid) emotions. Narcissists don’t hate your honesty – they like to take advantage of it whenever they get the chance.
- Your desire to heal others and reform people
You believe that if everyone had a loving environment in which to thrive and the right opportunities, they could change themselves.
The narcissist knows you have a burning desire to truly heal them, so they cling to you for dear life. They know that you will never dismiss their fights and will always react emotionally to their abuse. This is how narcissist manipulates for their gain.
It’s difficult, if not impossible, to fix anyone who doesn’t want to be fixed—let alone a narcissist whose identity is based on excessive admiration.
No matter how many times they tell you that they want and intend to change their ways, this is just a lie that gives you hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
- You have trouble setting boundaries
As someone who loves unconditionally, trusts automatically, and has a strong desire to fix people, it makes sense that you would have trouble setting boundaries.
This is probably one of the first traits narcissists identify when they are looking for a new victim because it is one of the easiest traits to spot. People who are good at setting boundaries are very vocal about their boundaries when meeting someone and narcissists can easily sniff that out.
Narcissists are attracted to empathetic people who have a hard time setting boundaries because they know you will put up with their narcissistic manipulation and abuse as long as they can shake it off. This bodes well for their fantasies of unlimited success.
And by the time you decide to draw any kind of border – it’s too late. The narcissist will simply laugh in your face, gaslight you, and tear it apart.
Narcissistic Manipulation Tactics – 5 Red Flags To Watch Out For
If you believe you are being manipulated by a narcissist, look at these key narcissistic manipulation tactics; They are dead giveaways:
Gaslighting – The narcissist is rewriting your experience and saying that you incorrectly remember his behavior.
Persistent Victim – The narcissist is always the victim, even when you bring up a situation when he or she may have hurt you. They will use passive aggression to make you feel like you’ve wronged them and that you’re the one doing wrong.
Insulting Your Value – A narcissist will never support anything you do unless it is beneficial to them. They will remind you that you are worthless and will fail at everything
Control – The narcissist will get upset if you go anywhere or do anything, even if you go to the grocery store, without being turned on by them first. This is especially true of grandiose narcissists.
Deviance – The narcissist can do no wrong. They will always blame you or someone in their immediate surroundings.
What should you do if you are being manipulated by a narcissist?
If the above points are true, you are likely in a relationship with a narcissist. This abuser can come in the form of a romantic partner, mother, father, friend, or co-worker.
If you have been manipulated by a narcissist, there is only one way to end the abuse. If you don’t cut the narcissist off for good, they will continue their tactics of narcissistic manipulation to drain your empathy until you’re just a husk of the person you once were.
If you suspect the abuser in your life has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, it’s important to note that it’s a Cluster-B disorder…meaning it’s “clustered” with another disorder. So, it is not a case of ‘this or that’, but ‘this and that’. For example, narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial disorder. Or antisocial mixed with psychopathy.
You don’t have to rack your brains anymore trying to figure it all out. If they meet the criteria for more than one disorder, it is because they are likely to have more than one disorder.
It is important to understand that you cannot fix or change anyone. Only you can control and change your actions – and ultimately your own life.
