Narcissists are not particularly skilled at apologizing. In fact, offering a sincere apology goes against their instincts.

After all, narcissists convince themselves that they are superior to others. They do this to cover up their underlying insecurities, which would erode their self-esteem if they brought them to the forefront.

Apologizing generally means admitting a mistake, which the narcissist is not willing to do. Taking responsibility for a mistake implies that the narcissist is imperfect and, therefore, not as superior as they would like to believe.

Narcissists also struggle with empathy, so they typically do not feel remorse for what they have done. All of this leads to half-hearted and inauthentic apologies.

When a narcissist apologizes, it is likely to be insincere. It is also likely to take one of the following forms.

1 Conditional Apology

A narcissist is unlikely to offer an apology without conditions. That would be very sweet of them.

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Instead, they will state that they will apologize, as long as you apologize to them first. This allows them to share some of the blame with you.

Apologizing without asking for anything in return is admitting defeat. The narcissist will see this as a sign of weakness, so they need to feel like they’re getting something from you, too.

This tactic also allows them to maintain a sense of power and control. Instead of giving up control, they’re still letting you play by their rules.

When a narcissist apologizes in this way, they’re not really saying they’re sorry. They’re telling you that they’ll take a little more responsibility if you do it first. In their mind, you’re wrong.

2 Blame-Shifting Apologize

Another classic narcissist apology involves shifting the blame. They’ll say they’re sorry for what they did, but they’ll be sure to point out that they never would have done it if you hadn’t caused their anger.

For example, they might yell, scream, and get angry at you over a minor inconvenience and then insist that they never would have acted that way if you hadn’t been so selfish.

An apology sounds like, “I’m sorry I yelled at you, but you should have known not to provoke me that way.”

This apology conveys that the narcissist is blaming you for their behavior. They take no responsibility and continue to control the narrative by convincing you that you are the one to blame.

3 The Dismissive Apology

One of the worst apologies from narcissists is the dismissive apology. This is easy to recognize, and you’ve probably heard it before. It’s like, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Again, they’re shifting the blame onto you. The problem isn’t that they hurt you; the problem is that you dared to get upset about it.

The narcissist completely ignores your feelings and takes no responsibility for the fact that they hurt you. This type of apology means that they think you’re too sensitive. If you were more assertive, they wouldn’t have to apologize!

4 The Downplaying Apology

If a narcissist apologizes, they’ll definitely downplay their behavior. They’ll say they’re sorry for what they did, and then quickly move on to explaining why what they did wasn’t so bad.

They will find a million excuses for their behavior, all of which minimize the seriousness of their mistake. Maybe you caught them cheating on you, and they try to tell you, “It was just sex; we never went on a date.”

This apology means that the narcissist can’t face the truth of what they did. Their fragile ego won’t allow them to honestly look at their misconduct. To protect themselves from the immense shame, they downplay the situation, allowing them to maintain their self-esteem.

5 The Apology That’s Actually Manipulative

In some cases, the narcissist may offer what seems like the most sincere and honest apology you’ve ever heard. When this happens, there’s almost always an ulterior motive.

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This type of apology occurs when the narcissist fears that they’ve pushed you too far. Maybe you’ve been emotionally distant or even threatened to end the relationship.

When the narcissist believes you’ve reached the point of desperation, they will try to flatter you with an apology that seems sincere. They will make promises to change, which may appear as if they are admitting their behavior.

Rest assured that this is an act of manipulation. The narcissist is tricking you into giving them another chance, so they can continue to maintain control over you.

When you get this type of apology, it means that the narcissist wants to trick you into believing that they will change, so that they don’t lose you as a source of narcissistic supply.

6 Apology in which they play the victim

Narcissists are experts at playing the victim when it suits them. If they know they were wrong, they can regain control by playing the victim.

In this scenario, they will offer a weak apology and then tell you a sad story about why they had to act the way they did. Of course, they will blame someone else for backing them into a corner.

They may even shed a few tears to make you feel sorry for them. Ultimately, they avoid taking responsibility, and they can maintain their sense of superiority.

This type of apology means that the narcissist knows they can trick you. They know you’re good, and because they see you as weak, they think they can guilt you into feeling sorry for them. Once that happens, you’ll forget that the narcissist was the one who was supposed to apologize.

ProtectYourselfFromFakeApologies

The sad truth is that the worst apologies you get from a narcissist are almost always fake. They may offer a half-hearted apology or have you share some of the blame before they express any degree of remorse. Sometimes, they seem genuinely sorry but are just trying to manipulate you.

The bottom line is that you can rarely count on an apology from a narcissist. You’re only setting yourself up for disappointment if you think they’ll change their behavior.

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To protect yourself, it’s important to be aware of the warning signs. An apology in which the narcissist plays the victim, makes excuses, or demands that you share the blame is not genuine. Don’t accept anything less than a genuine apology.

If the narcissist seems sincere, hold them accountable for it. If they don’t follow through on changing any of the behaviors that led to the need to apologize, you can be sure they’re just manipulating you.

When a narcissist repeatedly hurts you, your best option is usually to walk away from the relationship because they’re unlikely to change, no matter what kind of apology they make.

If you have to stay in a relationship with this person, it’s important to remember to set healthy boundaries, keep your expectations realistic, and make time for self-care. You may not be able to change a narcissist’s behavior, but you can change the way you respond and interact with them.