If you are in a relationship with a narcissist and want to break up, let me start by saying that I know how difficult this can be.

I’ve been there, and even though dealing with narcissistic behavior was annoying, you will overcome it, just like I did!

But one thing I didn’t have at the time was the knowledge or advice to prepare me for what was about to happen. That’s why I hope this ultimate guide to breaking up with a narcissist helps you through the process.

So, without further ado, let’s move on to:

How to break up with a narcissist
Let’s start by going over how to deal with (and go through) a breakup before we look at your partner’s reaction.

1) Prepare yourself psychologically
You’re nervous and don’t know what to expect. You may have tried to break up with them before, or perhaps this is your first attempt.

Don’t worry. Take a deep breath.

I would like you to run a mental checklist in your mind about why you want to break up with your partner (or write a list if that helps).

Their narcissism will play a major role in making this decision, but there may be other reasons as well.

Once you are clear about your “why,” it will be much harder for your partner to try to talk you out of it!

That’s why the first step to breaking up with a narcissist is to prepare yourself in advance.

2) Plan for your safety
I don’t mean to scare you by this point, but it’s always better to be safe than sorry!

If your partner is abusive, please consider carefully whether you will need the intervention of other people (family, law enforcement, etc.).

but that is not all…

Do you have a plan for where you will go after the breakup? Assuming you live together, it probably wouldn’t be wise to stay in the same house after you wrap things up.

This is why I recommend making plans to stay with family or friends until you get back on your feet – unfortunately, some narcissists can be very unpredictable and you don’t know how far they will go if they are against breaking up.

So, while it’s scary to think this way, it’s also sensible to make the effort to save yourself trouble in the long run!

3) Choose the appropriate time and place
Now, once you’ve thought about the security aspect, it’s time to plan the actual separation…

Only you know your partner, so it’s best to think about a time and place that minimizes harm (i.e., not triggering damage to them the moment they walk in the front door).

Here are a few things to take into consideration:

Would you be safer if you did it in public?
When is the best time to talk to your partner about this?
But keep in mind, if you feel more comfortable doing this in public, you should still choose a place where your conversation is private.

After all, the last thing you want to do is embarrass a narcissist – and that will make the whole process that much more difficult!

4) Set boundaries from the beginning of the conversation
Well, the big day has arrived. You have mentally prepared, planned for your safety, and chosen the right time and place.

Now for the hard part – the actual conversation!

My advice is to start with your limits.

Tell your partner that you want to have a serious conversation about your future together, but that you will not tolerate abuse, manipulation, or aggressive behavior.

Make it clear and clear that if they break these boundaries, you will have to walk away and resume the conversation when they can control themselves.

So why do I recommend starting with boundaries?
It puts you in a position of power.

You declare that you will not tolerate disrespect.

Hopefully, this will continue while you have the conversation and break up with them.

And when it comes to giving them reasons to want out?

5) Be clear and firm
I can’t stress this point enough – don’t start running around the factory or telling them white lies to soften the blow.

They will 100% use this against you if you give them the chance.

Instead, think back to the mental preparation phase. Remember the points I made about why you want to break up.

and, most importantly:

Be clear, calm, and firm.

Don’t feel like you need to keep explaining yourself or getting into minute details. The most important thing is that you understand that this relationship will not progress any further.

Sounds harsh, doesn’t it?

Well, unfortunately, this is the only way to break up with a narcissist! If this is anyone else’s guide, I’ll edit it to be a little more sympathetic.

Unfortunately, narcissists lack empathy and will see this as a sign of weakness.

6) Avoid playing the blame game
Now, once you’re in the midst of a breakup, it may be tempting to start blaming your partner for everything that went wrong.

Even if this is true, it is not a good path to take.

The fact is that you are playing with a professional. They will win, every time.

So, take the high road, and explain your reasons, but don’t start a falling out with your narcissistic partner.

It’s simply not worth it. Keep the end goal in sight; You want to end the relationship and move on as amicably as possible!

7) Ask for support from friends and family
Now, once you’re done with the conversation, walk away.

Don’t hang around to pull it. You’ve been clear, and there’s nothing left to talk about now (at least until emotions subside).

The next step is to ask for support from your family and friends.

Because even though you may feel like it’s over, it rarely is. The narcissist will not like being separated from them, and will likely come back to convince you to change your mind, or worse, start trying to inflict pain (emotional, mental, and possibly physical) on you.

You need people to be aware of your situation, people you can trust and go to when needed!

What’s more, you just need the emotional support of someone telling you, “It’s going to be okay.”

Now, once you’ve reached this point, you’re probably wondering, what happens next?

Read on to find out…

How do narcissists behave when separated from them?

It would be crazy if you weren’t worried about how your narcissistic partner would react after breaking up with them, so here are some common reactions:

Denial – They may deny that anything is wrong with the relationship, even going as far as to deny that the breakup happened! It’s all manipulation to try to get you back.
Anger – They may react aggressively and attack. They may start accusing you of things just to try to feel more in control of the situation again.
Manipulation – This is what a narcissist resorts to when they have no control. They may play mind games, be romantically attracted to you, or feel guilty about getting back together.
Projection – They may try to shift their behavior towards you and make it seem like you are responsible for everything that went wrong in the relationship.
Gaslighting – They may try to make you feel like you are misremembering certain events or are simply going crazy.
Sabotage – This is where the narcissist will do everything they can to destroy your reputation or prevent you from entering into a new relationship.
Stalking or Harassment – In extreme cases, some narcissists will resort to stalking or harassing their ex to get back together. That’s why we talked a lot about safety previously and about having a good support system for family and friends.
Now, it’s important to remember that every narcissist will react differently, but it’s always good to keep these points in mind so you can prepare accordingly!

But there’s something else you might be wondering about…

Should you try to remain friends after a breakup?

My advice and the consensus from other people who have broken up with a narcissist is a big no.

I know you may be tempted, and you may think that by remaining friends, they will react better to the breakup.