Don’t let someone else’s twisted version become your truth, stand up for your reality. Learn the truth about gaslighting before it’s too late.
Have you ever felt like you were losing your grip on reality? Like everything you thought was right is twisting and turning on you? If so, you may have tried gaslighting—a sinister tactic some use to replace your perception of the world.
It’s a dangerous game, and it’s hard to escape from it on your own. But fear not, because you are not alone. And with a little knowledge and understanding, you can break free from the grip of gaslighting and restore your reality.
Here are the 10 things I wish I knew about gaslighting before it happened to me…
Truth About Gaslighting: 10 Things I Wish I Knew About Gaslighting
- Gaslighting can be unintentional but still harmful
Gaslighting is a term that gets thrown around a lot these days, but what does it actually mean? Contrary to popular belief, it does not necessarily involve a deliberate scheme to make someone mad.
It is simply the act of denying someone’s truth in your favor. Gaslighting occurs when intimidation no longer works, and is often used as a means of control in situations where violence is no longer acceptable.
We see it all the time in the media when hate crimes are portrayed as isolated incidents of mental illness. This is just one example of how our society tries to maintain inequality while pretending that everyone is equal.
So, next time someone tries to make you question your reality, remember: Gaslighting is a real thing, and it happens more than you think.
Gaslighting read:
- Gaslighting and manipulation: same but not the same thing
One of the ten things I learned about gaslighting is that while rig and gaslighting are similar, gaslighting takes it to a whole new level.
Manipulation involves threatening a person to influence their behavior, while gassing aims to change a person’s essence and not just their actions.
Here’s the trigger: Both manipulation and gaslighting can erode your self-esteem, but gaslighting is especially insidious because it can make you question your reality.
Therefore, it is important to understand the difference between the two and protect yourself accordingly.
- Gaslighting without anger or intimidation: a hidden danger
Different types of gas lighting can make you feel disoriented and empty. One type is called “Glamor Jazz Lightning”.
In this, the gas tool falls off with particular interest but doesn’t give you what you need. They put you on a pedestal, but then disappear when you need them most.
Another type is when he always flirts with the victim and turns the tables on you whenever a problem arises.
I’ve experienced the worst kind of gaslighting when I was saying something to him and he had an emotional overreaction.
I was holding back and trying to make things better, but he was accusing me of being inconsistent and implying that I was lying. It was an endless loop that always brought me to tears.
Remember, gaslighting is a serious form of emotional abuse that can leave lasting damage. Trust your instincts and seek help if you suspect you may be a victim of gaslighting. Don’t let anyone manipulate your reality and make you question your sanity.
- Memory lapses are normal, memory loss caused by gaslighting is not
Did you know that it is normal to not remember what happened during a traumatic experience? Yes, you are not alone.
What I wish I knew about gaslighting sooner is that it can cause self-doubt and guilt.
But there you have it, losing parts of your memory is a common sign of gaslighting. It is a tool abusers use to make you doubt yourself and your reality. I spent a lot of time trying to find what my abuser saw in me, but it turned out that he was just manipulating me.
So, if you are suffering from black spots in your memory, it is time to pay attention. It may be a sign that you’re lit up and it’s time to leave.
Read : 6 Ways To Build Emotional Resilience
- Gaslighting phases continue beyond the expiration date of the relationship
The truth about gaslighting is that it doesn’t end once the relationship ends. Oh no, it can keep messing with your head even after you leave.
It starts with stage one – you know your gas rig is silly, but you’re arguing with them anyway. You argue about everything, from your feelings to your opinions to your experience of the world.
In the second stage of gaslighting, things take a dark turn. You find yourself prioritizing your invader’s perspective, frantically trying to get them to understand your point of view. Winning an argument is no longer about being right – it’s about proving your worth as a person.
By the third stage, you’ve messed it up. You ask yourself, “What’s wrong with me?” And consider the perspective of the gas worker as usual. You lose your ability to make your judgment.
Do not go to any contact for at least a year. Yes, it’s hard, but you have to give yourself space to heal. Block your gasses on social media, distance yourself from mutual friends, and tell your friends not to give you any new information about them.
- Exposure to gaslighting can be a compelling force
One of the 10 things I wish I knew about gaslighting is that it can be challenging, especially when you have certain traits that make you more vulnerable.
But don’t let anyone tell you that these traits are weaknesses. It’s superpowers! Qualities like empathy are amazing qualities that make you unique and special.
Perhaps your gas has made you feel like you’re selfish or callous. And your therapist may have told you to stop caring so much because it leads to abuse. But this is not the answer.
Empathy is crucial, and the ability to change yourself for the better is a scary superpower. Don’t let anyone shame you or make you afraid of change. Growing up can be painful, but it should make you feel stronger.
The pain of growth is different from the pain of destruction. One that fills you with love and pride, and the other that fills you with shame and fear.
No one should try to control you with shame and fear. Remember, change should make you bigger and better, not smaller and weaker.
- Trust in your truth: It is always within you
Do you ever feel like you are living in the shadows, invisible to the person who is supposed to love and cherish you?
Your gases may shower you with emotion, but they don’t see you through. They don’t see the real you, the person you know yourself deep down.
But here’s the thing: I’ve always known the real you. You may have tried to push him aside, but he was there the whole time. Even when your mind was in knots and you felt lost, that essential part of you was always there.
Think of it as an alarm system that never stops working, even when you stop listening to it. You may feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself, but really, it’s just been waiting for you to admit it.
So don’t let your flirt doubt your true self!
- Don’t get involved: The ultimate goal of gaslighting recovery
Of the ten most important things about gaslighting, the ultimate goal isn’t confrontation, it’s non-engagement.
In movies and books, survivors often confront their abusers, and find relief in confronting their oppressors. But for many of us, the fear of confrontation can be paralyzing. The key to overcoming this fear lies in our ability to set and enforce our boundaries.
When you deal with the gas giants, you are telling them that your reality is up for debate. But it is not. So instead of rehearsing conversations that will never happen, you need to learn how to identify the point of the conversation.
You can disengage in many ways, from agreeing to disagree to setting boundaries about when or if you want to continue the conversation. You don’t have to know what the other person is doing or why they are doing it.
All you need to know is how you feel and when the conversation isn’t about mutual understanding.
The moment someone tries to replace your experience with theirs, it’s time to disengage. Your reality is yours alone, and you should not let anyone take that away from you.
- Confrontation is necessary to beat gaslighting
To counter gaslighting, you must confront the threats that come with it. Every lit situation has some kind of threat looming over it. It could be rejection, abandonment, or even physical harm.
You can’t resist gaslighting until you face your fears head-on. Take a moment to grieve and cry over the things that have made you feel trapped. It’s okay to feel shy, but try to build up the strength to put up with it.
Start by letting go of attachments that are holding you down. Grieve about the things you wanted but couldn’t have. Question whether it is right for someone to make you responsible for their life.
It won’t be easy, but when you face every fear, you will find the strength to keep going.
- Gaslights thrive in groups: From families to polyamorous relationships
It’s hard to hold your ground when someone is trying to distort your reality. And it’s even more difficult when they have a crowd of supporters backing them up. Cult abuse is a prime example of how group manipulation can completely break someone.
This is why it is so important to keep this in mind in family, polyamorous relationships, and any other groups. You do not want to exploit this power dynamic or inadvertently enable abuse.
Shame and fear come with being attacked by a group in which you are deeply invested. But you owe it to yourself not to tolerate relationships in which your self-worth is eroded.
It doesn’t matter who gets this wrong, it’s not about justice. What is at stake is far more important.
Read : How Overthinking Affects Your Life (and 6 Ways To Stop)
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