The more you learn about people with narcissistic personality traits, the easier it will be to see why so many of us fall in love with a charming, charismatic personality. However, people are extremely toxic when they direct their focused attention directly to trapping you.
Unfortunately, by the time you find out how abusive the person you’re dating is, they’ve likely manipulated you into having intense feelings for them, as well as into feeling emotionally stuck, as if you simply can’t break free.
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What is trauma interconnectedness?
This feeling is not your fault. It is the direct result of a process known as “trauma binding,” and understanding this is a crucial step toward freeing yourself.
Trauma bonding is the phenomenon that “occurs as a result of persistent cycles of abuse in which intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment creates strong emotional bonds that are resistant to change.”
It is characterized by strong emotional bonds that arise between two people when one of them intermittently engages in cruelty, threats, or intimidation. While other times they treat their partner like 24 karat gold.
The interconnectedness of shocks develops during this two-step process.
- Love bombing
“Love bombing” is the practice of trying to precipitate feelings of romantic love using a variety of behavioral techniques to overwhelm the target with displays of intense adoration and attraction.
At this point, you’ll hear them say things like:
“You are the perfect person for me.”
“No one has ever understood me like you before.”
“We’re soulmates. I know that.”
“You are so beautiful, funny, and wonderful.”
Narcissists and social predators are always looking for someone to manipulate, and these flattering compliments, excessive praise, gifts, and loving, doting texts are all part of their love bombing strategy. These techniques become increasingly frequent and intense to create a highly addictive feeling of infatuation, which can lead to disturbing levels of devotion and adoration for the narcissist.
What makes it even more troubling is that when you spend more time with a narcissist, you spend less time with others, which keeps you isolated, and enhances their ability to indoctrinate you with their version of reality.
- Cruelty
This step is where the narcissist gets downright mean.
You’ll likely hear them say things like:
“You’re being silly.”
“You’re never here for me. My other girlfriends never treated me like that.”
“Why are you always such a brat?”
“Good luck trying to find someone as good as me.”
Combined with intermittent reinforcement of love-bombing behaviors, this up-and-down rhythm causes a psychological “addiction” to the unpredictable cycle of abuse.
Although it may seem obvious to an outsider that these behaviors lead to broken relationships, it is rarely that simple. Due to the extremely cunning and manipulative nature of narcissistic abuse, they can twist the truth until you feel confused and unsure of yourself.
