Emotional trauma can occur at any time in life. However, many people who experience trauma have experiences that date back to their early childhood years. When a mother is narcissistic, a child grows up in emotional chaos. What is right one day is wrong the next, and what is rewarded on one occasion is punished or ignored on another.

Over time, children of narcissistic parents, especially narcissistic mothers, experience emotional trauma. In many cases, the narcissistic mother or parent does not stop at emotional abuse. The trauma extends to physical abuse, especially if the child tries to get their needs met.

Through this process, the child fails to develop healthy boundaries. They see themselves in the role of keeping the peace, not disrupting it, desperately trying to figure out what will make the parent happy. They learn not to express themselves, not to have their emotional responses, and to see relationships as a partnership between giver and taker. This is very different from a healthy relationship where people give and take at different stages and in different situations.

DatingRelationships

The narcissist is a chameleon in the early stages of courtship of a dating relationship. He is charming, doing his best to shower affection, attention, and focus on the other person. He appears to like what she likes, to have the same values ​​and beliefs, and to want to give her the relationship she craves.

However, this is just a facade. The specific traits and emotional support are what the person who has experienced trauma in their life is looking for. Their need for constant reassurance and acceptance in the relationship is exactly what the narcissist is willing to provide, at least for a short period.

Then the change begins to happen, often slowly and almost always with great manipulation. The lavishness of affection now turns to extreme possessiveness and isolation from family and friends. This triggers old fears that are very similar to the original trauma, leading to a desire to keep the narcissist happy by any means necessary.

To make matters more problematic, the narcissist often uses reinforcement during the relationship. Sometimes, and seemingly at random, the narcissist will revert to the charming persona, offering love, attention, and affection and making the partner feel special and loved.

This random or sporadic attention becomes a powerful form of reinforcement to stay in the relationship. The trauma survivor continues to hope that the next change will be permanent. He hopes that he can somehow recreate the exact situation that led to the short-lived positive relationship. This cycle continues, sometimes getting shorter and sometimes longer, but always maintaining enough hope to keep the partner in the relationship.

People experiencing trauma often recognize these signs in the relationship. However, they cannot simply walk away or get out of the relationship. The narcissist continues to destroy the partner’s sense of self-worth while creating situations that lead to guilt, self-blame, and opportunities to manipulate the other person’s thinking.

Working with a professional counselor or therapist who is familiar with trauma is crucial in breaking free from this pattern. It is possible to change the way you see yourself and create positive behaviors that will allow you to break free from these destructive relationship cycles.