Enablers and narcissists are two personality types that often find themselves involved in difficult and codependent relationships. An enabler is someone who enables the negative or self-destructive behavior of another person by providing them with anything they need to continue that behavior.

Narcissists, on the other hand, have a very high opinion of themselves and lack empathy.

The connection between these two personality types lies in the fact that enablers often find themselves attracted to and reinforce another person’s narcissistic tendencies in an attempt to feel needed and appreciated.

Understanding the role of enablers in the lives of narcissists

The role of enablement in a relationship with a narcissistic individual is often complex and fraught with emotional challenges.

Enablers may feel the need to constantly prove themselves to their partner in order to maintain their attention and approval, while also trying to ignore or suppress any criticism or negative behavior they witness.

This dynamic is encouraged and welcomed by the narcissist, who needs an audience and constant adulation, without having to do anything to address any of the issues in his life.

As such, they often manipulate the enabler, encouraging them to provide comfort and support without addressing difficult topics or working on problems together.

This creates a dangerous cycle in which both parties become locked into destructive behavioral patterns, reinforcing each other’s negative tendencies instead of finding healthy ways out of them.

The psychological and emotional dynamics of the relationship between enablers and narcissists
The relationship between enablers and narcissists is an emotionally charged one, often filled with drama and manipulation.

This dynamic allows narcissists to feel powerful and in control, while pushing their unresolved issues onto their partners.

Meanwhile, the enabler finds himself constantly questioning his own feelings and desires while trying to meet his partner’s needs without challenging him or asking for anything in return.

This creates a dangerous cycle of codependency that can be difficult to break out of without outside help.

The most common characteristics of enablers

Enabling behavior is often unconscious and stems from the need to avoid conflict at all costs.

Here is a list of 7 common characteristics of enablers.

Tendency to avoid conflict

Enablers often try to avoid conflict or difficult conversations by either ignoring problems or avoiding them altogether.

The goal is usually to maintain a sense of harmony in the relationship with your partner, and to ignore or solve problems in the heat of the moment, rather than trying to solve them.

This can ultimately create a pattern of unhealthy communication, where these issues go unaddressed and can resurface later.

Difficulty expressing emotions and needs

Enablers often place their partner’s needs and desires above their own, leaving them unable to decide what they want from the relationship.

This lack of self-awareness can lead to difficulty expressing their feelings or getting their needs met.

Additionally, enablers may feel so guilty that they do not ask for help or admit that they need something, leading them to remain in unhealthy situations for too long.

low self-esteem

The enabler’s need for the narcissist’s approval can have a detrimental effect on his or her self-esteem.

Because they are constantly trying to please narcissists, they may believe that their worth is tied to the amount of approval they can receive, leading them to feel incompetent and worthless when they fail.

Easy to use

Due to their passive nature, enablers are an easy target for manipulation and can be exploited by those with malicious intent.

They often feel forced to sacrifice their own needs and desires in order to meet the demands of others, which makes them vulnerable to exploitation.

This ultimately leads to a lack of assertiveness and can lead to enablers feeling unable or unwilling to speak up for themselves or set healthy boundaries.

The difficulty of saying no

Enablers are often unable to say “no” when those around them ask them for something, even if it is not within their comfort zone or something they actually want to do.

They may be afraid of upsetting someone or afraid of the repercussions of refusal, which prompts them to comply with the request no matter what.

This lack of independence and inability to set healthy boundaries can lead to feelings of exploitation, which can have a detrimental effect on their self-confidence and self-esteem.

Fear of abandonment

Enablers often become dependent on their narcissistic partner, due to a deep underlying fear that setting boundaries and asserting their independence may lead to their partner abandoning them.

This fear can lead to a vicious cycle that makes them more entrenched in the relationship, even though it damages them physically, mentally, and emotionally.

In order to break this cycle, enablers need to develop self-esteem and recognize that taking care of themselves is a priority.