Hmm… you meet, you spend those first few butterfly-like weeks getting to know each other, and you’re amazed. You don’t want to stop, and they make it so easy for you to open up.

It’s like they’re journalists, handing you the microphone so they can listen intently and report back to the narcissist’s headquarters.

Your vulnerabilities are recorded. Your exes are remembered and why you broke up.

The way you hate it when people give you the silent treatment is stored. You just want to be happy, and you always make sure your partners are happy—it’s stored in their minds.

I’m not kidding when I say how toxic narcissists are, and how your few weeks of oversharing are like a lifetime of throwing everything at you.

AndYouThinkTheyKnowYou

This is the perfect opportunity for you to believe that the narcissist cares about you. Every question they ask with intent, curiosity, and interest feels like another way to get to know the person they say they’re falling in love with.

Related : 10 Things Narcissists Would Say If They Were Honest

And it feels like you’re interacting with them. They may even resort to imitation. Mimicry can look like this:

Using similar tones of voice to you

Mimicking your gestures, how you move or touch your face when you speak, or nodding your head

Repeating key words or phrases to make you feel like they really understand you

Having the same posture as you

Telling you that they feel the same way you do, or have been through what you have been through.

Mimicry feels like you are reacting to them. It feels like you have a lot in common, that you are two peas in the same pod. It feels like it’s you and the narcissist against the world.

It’s a classic manipulation tool, but all you’re feeling is “love feelings.”

In reality, they know you – but there’s nothing romantic about that at all.

TheSecretIs…

So here we are, at the point.

What is it that the narcissist knows about you?

Narcissists know exactly what you’re missing and what you need in life.

They know what you’re missing and what you crave, because they’ve taken the time to get to know you all.

Knowing this, they can control the continuation of this deficiency while still having the odd moment to offer crumbs of it your way to keep you hooked and hopeful.

How sick is that?!

This is what they all do.

One of my clients, I’ll call her Jane, loved sweets, and growing up, her narcissistic father acted as if she didn’t exist.

Except for the odd occasion when he’d come home from work with a bag of sweets for her. He’d walk in the front door and stand in the doorway, waving the bag at her and shaking it like she was a dog.

Jane is now almost 50, and she still loves sweets. She didn’t need sweets to make her feel loved and happy. Her father’s love was. But the sweets masked that feeling, and she now fully understands that eating sweets means something else is going on.

It takes a lot of work to get to this point of self-awareness.

And Jane’s father? Well, he knew what he was doing. He didn’t want to give her love or affection, so he let the sweets do the talking. Over time, this became his love and acceptance language for her.

EmotionalIntimacy… Not

When you believe that someone cares about you and is close to you, there is no reason to suspect that they will hurt you or betray you.

Emotional intimacy is a huge part of relationships; without it, couples do not last.

Narcissists know this! Why do they pretend to love you and be there for you?

While you feel like you are the luckiest person in the world, narcissists feel almost high on their own ego.

Information is their richest currency

Forget money, forget diamonds and gold – information is what narcissists value most.

Without it, they just live their lives improvising and trying their best to guess situations and outcomes.

Using your information, they can figure out absolutely anything.

They learn your secrets and live happily in the knowledge that you have trusted them with all these secrets.

How to Avoid This in the Future

When you meet someone new that you feel attracted to, you sometimes feel a strong desire to learn everything about them as soon as possible.

I never see a rush into this myself because time will come, but others can’t wait to feel wanted or needed because that’s something they’ve lacked in their past.

Related : 11 Signs You Have Beaten The Narcissist

Avoiding putting your cards on the table involves holding back a little bit. If the person you’re dating becomes impatient or uninterested in your desire to take your time, is he the person you want to be with?

You don’t need to hand over your triggers to a relative stranger. You don’t need to tell them your entire life history or how many times you’ve been hurt or betrayed.

I always feel that avoiding these topics or not revealing too much about yourself will preserve the sanctity of some of your experiences.

Narcissists will ask question after question and seem so interested and caring, it can be hard to tell their curiosity from their toxicity.

So, it’s up to you now to make the decisions and keep your heart a little cautious when you meet someone new.

You don’t have to have all the answers and all the love right away.