Narcissism is one of those buzzwords that gets bandied about a lot these days, but what does it mean? For some, it’s about extreme self-love; for others, it’s a complex personality disorder with deeper implications. No matter how you break it down, there are a definite set of unspoken “rules” that narcissists tend to follow. Let’s dive into the narcissist’s guide and discover their 10 commandments of self-worship.

Commandment 1: You Must Always Seek the Spotlight

Narcissists crave attention like a moth to a flame. Whether it’s dominating conversations, seeking compliments, or crafting the perfect Instagram post, their world revolves around being the center of attention. They know how to grab their audience’s attention, ensuring their need for validation is constantly met. An insatiable hunger for admiration fuels this relentless pursuit of the spotlight.

Commandment 2: You Must Maintain a Perfect Image

To a narcissist, appearances are everything. Their social media feeds are carefully curated to project an aura of success, beauty, or talent. Behind the scenes, things may be much less glamorous, but you’ll never see that side. Narcissists invest heavily in crafting a flawless facade, whether through their wardrobe, their accomplishments, or their relationships.

Commandment 3: Never Admit a Fault

Accountability is a narcissist’s kryptonite. To maintain their elevated self-image, they will avoid responsibility at all costs. If something goes wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault. They’ve mastered the art of shifting blame while appearing innocent, ensuring their pristine reputation remains untarnished.

Commandment 4: You Must Manipulate Without Conscience

Narcissists are often skilled manipulators. They use charm, guilt, and even fear to bend others to their will. Their tactics may include manipulating you—making you question your own reality—or love bombing, showering you with affection to secure your loyalty. Their manipulation serves one purpose: to keep themselves on top.

Commandment 5: You Must Demand Loyalty Without Giving It

In the narcissist’s world, loyalty is a one-way street. They expect unwavering devotion from friends, family, and partners while reserving the right to act in their own self-interest. Any perceived betrayal is met with swift punishment, often in the form of silent treatment or emotional outbursts.

Commandment 6: You Must Exploit Relationships for Gain

To the narcissist, relationships are transactions. Whether it’s a friendship, a romantic partnership, or a workplace connection, they view people as tools to further their goals. Once someone stops serving a purpose, the narcissist is quick to dump them, often leaving a trail of confusion and hurt feelings in their wake.

Commandment 7: You Must Keep Emotions in Check (Unless They Serve a Purpose)

There are no weaknesses in the narcissist’s vocabulary—at least not in the traditional sense. They avoid genuine emotional expression, viewing it as weakness. However, they are not above weaponizing emotions when it suits their agenda. Tears, anger, or affection are often tools to manipulate those around them.

Commandment 8: You Shall Envy and Sabotage

Beneath the surface, narcissists are often deeply insecure. They envy the success, beauty, or happiness of others, and they don’t hesitate to undermine it. Whether through subtle digging or outright sabotage, their goal is to ensure that no one shines brighter than them. Others’ successes are seen as threats rather than inspirations.

Commandment 9: You Shall Rewrite History

In the world of narcissists, facts are malleable. They excel at rewriting history to fit their narrative, often portraying themselves as victims or heroes while others are portrayed as villains. This revisionism can make others feel cheated, causing them to question their own memories and experiences.

Commandment 10: You Must Prioritize Self-Admiration Above All Else

At the heart of narcissism is an unwavering dedication to the self. Their needs, desires, and opinions always come first. This commandment embodies the essence of the Narcissist’s Handbook: an all-encompassing focus on self-preservation and self-glorification, often at the expense of those around them.

Read also: 12 Things Narcissists Do to Ruin Christmas (and How to Handle Them)

Why is the Narcissist’s Handbook Important?

Understanding these commandments isn’t just about spotting narcissistic behavior; it’s about protecting yourself. Recognizing these patterns allows you to set boundaries, manage expectations, and protect your emotional well-being. Awareness is your greatest ally.

How to Deal with a Narcissist

Dealing with a narcissist can be difficult, but it’s not impossible. Here are some strategies to consider:

Set boundaries: Be firm about what you will and won’t tolerate. Narcissists often test boundaries, so consistency is key.

Don’t take it personally: Remember that their behavior is a reflection of their insecurities, not your worth.

Avoid confrontation: Narcissists thrive on conflict. When possible, withdraw rather than escalate the situation.

Seek support: Rely on trusted friends, family, or a therapist to navigate the complexities of dealing with a narcissist.

Final Thoughts

The Narcissist’s Handbook is not just a guide to understanding narcissistic behavior—it’s a roadmap to protecting yourself. By learning these commandments, you can empower yourself to deal with relationships with narcissists more effectively. While you’re unlikely to change their behavior, you can change how you respond to it, ensuring that their self-worship isn’t at the expense of your own well-being.