Did you grow up with a narcissistic parent, who always made sure that you wouldn’t experience any kind of love, that you care about? The children of the narcissistic parent grow up with a lot of pain, trauma, and anguish in their hearts and souls.
Throughout our lives, we will meet people who are selfish, arrogant, angry, and inconsiderate. We cannot change them but we can decide what role, if any, they play in our lives. Unfortunately, children of narcissists do not have this opportunity.
A narcissistic parent may have what he sees as an ideal relationship with his or her young child when one considers the narcissist’s ultimate goal in every relationship, which is total power and control.
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Who is a narcissistic father?
They write the rule book and the kids will comply. Children are seen as a reflection of how they, themselves, want to be seen. Every child must make mom and dad proud and set a shining example to the outside world for the perfect child from the perfect family. Nothing could be further from the truth.
A narcissistic parent is likely to hurt their children. Their children often grow up not knowing what it feels like to be nurtured and loved in a normal way by a normal parent.
A controlling parent will ignore their children’s boundaries, influence them, manipulate them, and shape them to be exactly who they want them to be. However, it is not easy to meet the expectations of narcissistic parents. Children look to their father and mother to learn behavior, attitudes, moral principles, emotional attachment, and how to relate to others. The narcissistic parent example is by no means a good one.
As the child grows, the controlling parent may feel threatened by his developing son or daughter. Narcissist has a desperate desire to be “wanted” and hates what they perceive as their loss of control, sometimes turning on their children as a result.
Some narcissistic parents do not care about their children at any age.
They see their children as nothing but a burden and a hindrance. Their children’s feelings and emotions are ignored, and they are told they are oversensitive if they complain. They will ignore the presence of their children behind closed doors where only members of the dysfunctional family see the reality of family life.
The narcissistic parent is hard to please. No matter their children’s accomplishments, nothing is ever good enough.
Some children will be constantly criticized, teased, and scolded by disguising their words and actions as matters of concern and concern to them. It is insulting to compare the successes of their children with those of their siblings. They diminish the achievements of their son or daughter.
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However, there are always exceptions to the rule. Some narcissists have been known to treat each of their children differently. (favor)
Some have what is known as a “golden child,” who can do no wrong and will be encouraged to do well, given the best of everything.
The narcissistic parent will celebrate even his simplest accomplishments while sweeping his flaws and failures under the rug. This child may receive special treatment for being the perfect child and doing everything his parents desire.
At the other end of the spectrum is a scapegoat child who will be blamed for everything that goes wrong within the family. They can do nothing right, and their achievements, no matter how great they may be, are ignored or ignored.
The Scapegoat Child leaves no doubt that he does not mean as much to the narcissistic parent as he does to the Golden Child.
The majority of normal, healthy parents want their children to succeed in life. However, the narcissistic parent may have unreasonable expectations beyond their son or daughter’s capabilities. The success of their children reflects positively on them as parents.
Unfortunately, children of narcissists often grow up with the burdens their parents placed on them.
They may have been pushed to the background during their formative years so that the father or mother would take center stage. They may have been subjected to seemingly endless displays of parental wrath.
As a result of their painful upbringing, children of narcissistic parents often display low self-esteem after their parents or parents constantly blame and put them down. Some may hold back their anger, unable to express their feelings.
They spend all their childhood trying to please their parents and often grow up to be happy people who do everything to please others.
People-pleasing people often pay a high price, and the cost of their needs or desires is put on the back burner. As the child of a narcissistic father, they were never allowed to stand up for themselves which led to a high probability that this would continue into their adult lives.
It may be necessary to protect not only yourself but your children from your narcissistic parent.
You may feel that you can never leave your child alone in the company of your parents. A troubled parent may try to turn your child against you. Supervised visits may be the only solution.
It takes a lot of strength to stand up to a parent but sometimes it will leave you with no choice. You may feel like you’ve pulled out every bad card in the deck when you realize one of your parents might be a narcissist.
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Depending on the severity of the abuse, the answer may be to spend less time with the controlling parent. In some cases, the only solution may be to cut off all contacts. Every case is different. It is not selfish to value yourself and your needs and do what is necessary to grow and be the person you are meant to be.
Don’t feel guilty and influenced by others outside the loop who don’t understand your situation. Your father may have deceived people on the outside into thinking they are the pillar of society, but you know the truth. Do what feels right for you in your particular circumstances.
