The narcissistic gaze is so powerful and profound that it seems to consume all the attention and energy in its path. It draws you into the narcissist’s world, leaving you wallowing in a quagmire of self-obsession and manipulation.

Behind those piercing eyes is an insatiable need for control, dominance, and admiration.

The narcissist uses eye contact to seduce and create a sense of familiarity, intimidate, or assert control if the gaze is devoid of all emotion.

Narcissists also look into the eyes of their victims when searching for evidence or signs of their submission and admiration.

Whatever the intent behind the narcissist’s gaze, it has a disturbing psychological effect on the recipient.

Here, I want to unravel the mystery of the narcissistic gaze and share some knowledge and insights to help you identify and navigate encounters with narcissistic individuals.

WhatIsTheNarcissisticGaze?

The narcissist’s gaze appears empty and lacks any emotion or warmth. Instead of looking into your soul, the narcissist’s gaze seems to pierce right through you as if you’re not there.

This is closer to the truth than you might initially think. To the narcissist, the victim is only useful to the extent that they can feed the narcissist’s need for admiration, control, and power.

So when a narcissist looks into your eyes, it’s not because they’re so entranced by you that they can’t look away, but because they’re looking for weaknesses that they can exploit and use to control you.

A piercing gaze is always disturbing, but it’s never more disturbing than when it comes with dark, dead eyes. When we experience certain emotions, such as anger or sadness, our pupils dilate, making our eyes appear much darker than usual.

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This is something you’ll typically see in a narcissist’s gaze, and it’s sometimes referred to as narcissistic rage eyes.

Narcissistic rage eyes

Narcissists are not as emotionally controlled as most people. If they feel their ego is being threatened, they are likely to erupt in anger, displaying uncontrollable rage that is both scary and dangerous.

Looking for Weakness

In many cases, you will see the narcissist’s eyes darken long before the anger appears. You may notice that they stare at you more intensely than usual, as if they are searching for something you have hidden deep within you.

This is the first stage of the narcissistic angry gaze, and while it is intended to make you feel uncomfortable and upset, it is only the beginning of the process.

Dark Gaze

As anger builds, the narcissist’s eyes become darker. As the pupils grow larger, the gaze becomes increasingly empty and lifeless. This can be very frightening and terrifying. These dull, dead eyes are often associated with evil.

At this stage, the narcissist will appear to be staring right through you, seeing nothing and registering no emotion.

This gaze becomes more intense as anger builds, and the narcissist’s eyes will go from dull to completely dead. Their gaze becomes cold and hard, conveying a clear message: “You are nothing to me.”

This stage of the narcissistic gaze is very similar to the psychopathic gaze, both of which are “intimidating, manipulative, and used to communicate an implicit threat.”

Hiding Shame and Weakness

Narcissists also use this blank expression to hide parts of their personality that they see as shameful or that may indicate failure or weakness.

They may feel like they are losing control over you or fear that you will expose their inner truth, which is fraught with feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and unworthiness.

When the narcissist’s rage finally gets the better of them, you will be on the receiving end of their worst narcissistic stare.

Danger and Potential Violence

As their anger intensifies, their heart rate and blood pressure increase, and their breathing becomes more rapid.

The rage triggers a fight-or-flight response, causing the pupils to dilate and the adrenal glands to flood the body with adrenaline and cortisol.

Narcissist’s Evil Stare

As the pupils dilate, the eyes appear darker, giving the narcissist an almost sinister appearance, and once the anger develops to this stage, you are in potential danger. Black eyes indicate a rush of adrenaline that can turn into aggression or violence.

This type of narcissist’s evil stare shows that a narcissistic injury has occurred, triggering the narcissist’s underlying feelings of unworthiness.

The narcissist is now experiencing painful emotions that he or she cannot control or manage, causing him or her to lash out and seek revenge on anyone they blame for the injury.

PredatoryGaze

You may only see a fleeting glimpse of a narcissist’s predatory gaze, but you will never forget how uncomfortable it makes you.

Somehow, the narcissist’s eyes become completely cold and empty, with none of the warmth or intimacy you normally get from prolonged eye contact.

You’ll find the narcissist staring at you as if he or she is about to attack—much like a shark’s eyes turning black before attacking its prey.

If someone is looking at you with a predatory gaze, they will often replace it with a warm smile the moment they realize you’re looking at them.

This makes the cold gaze even more uncomfortable, and you may wonder if you saw it or if it was all a figment of your imagination.

Narcissists generally act as if the predatory gaze never happened, suggesting that you weren’t supposed to see their dangerous intentions.

You’ve seen it now—take it as a sign that it’s time to start distancing yourself from this person before the situation becomes more intimidating or dangerous.

Intimidation and Manipulation

It may be hard to believe that something as simple and common as eye contact can effectively manipulate someone, but narcissists have made it an art form.

The cold, threatening gaze creates extreme tension, leaving the recipient uneasy and unsettled.

Narcissists use eye contact to intimidate and manipulate, starting with a long, lingering eye examination that makes the victim feel like their soul is being examined.

Narcissists use this type of stare to build their trust. They learn everything they can about you, mirror your behavior, and mimic your communication style, so they can use it to seduce you.

Narcissists will also use a long, cold stare when they want your attention. They will make sure you feel their eyes on you and will maintain eye contact until they get the attention and validation they need to compensate for their low self-esteem.

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Narcissists only use the predatory gaze when they want to intimidate you, where their eyes darken, sending a shiver of fear down your spine.

Why do narcissists stare?

Narcissists use every means at their disposal to create an idealized image of themselves and hide their manipulative ways, including eye contact.

At the beginning of a relationship, a narcissist stares at you to create a sense of intimacy and sexual arousal.

Studies show that “prolonged eye contact stimulates the nervous system to release oxytocin and phenylethylamine.” The narcissist also knows that these chemicals are associated with long-term bonding and feelings of attraction.

By evoking prolonged eye contact, the narcissist creates a false sense of intimacy and security while presenting himself as the ideal partner to share such feelings with. This is the beginning of manipulation.

Once a narcissist has seduced you, they will use a different type of stare or squint to make you feel nervous. They want your eyes to be focused on them only, and to stare at them sincerely, so they will try to elicit this reaction by staring at you.

If they can get your attention this way, they will continue to use eye contact to analyze your feelings and use them against you.

Over the course of several sessions with a narcissist, I noticed that they started to stare at me for longer periods of time. At first, there was a hint of a smile on their face while staring, but this smile quickly developed into a smirk and then disappeared into a deadpan.

This is the natural process of the narcissistic stare. It starts as an attempt at rapprochement and then becomes a study of the other person’s vulnerabilities. Once the narcissist analyzes these vulnerabilities, the gaze becomes penetrating and predatory.

How a Narcissist’s Eyes Manipulate You

As I mentioned, prolonged eye contact creates intimacy and a sense of attraction. The narcissist uses this trick to lure you into his narrative, creating a false sense of closeness and security that encourages you to lower your guard.

Once he has you, he can continue to use his narcissistic gaze to pester you until you turn to him, seeking the sense of security he once promised you. At this point, he withdraws, leaving you staring into blank, empty eyes that make you feel terrified.

This kind of narcissistic gaze means he is looking for signs. He wants to find something, anything, in you that he can criticize. He is looking for suspicious changes that he can question you about, which erases the previous sense of intimacy, leaving you feeling rejected, and desperately searching for a way to get back into his good books.

This is the kind of subtle manipulation that narcissists rely on to control you and ensure that you provide them with the narcissistic supply they need to combat their feelings of inadequacy.

How to Recognize the Narcissistic Stare

The narcissistic stare can take many forms, from love-bombing to cold and calculating, so how do you know you’re looking into a narcissist’s eyes? The first thing to look for is the duration.

Most people can’t maintain eye contact for more than three seconds, but narcissists have such an inflated sense of self-importance that they see no problem staring at you for five seconds or even longer.

There’s a reason they do this – they know how uncomfortable it is. Narcissists are masters of manipulation and use prolonged eye contact to make you feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. They need you to be helpless so they can control you and reinforce their sense of superiority.

Any look that makes you feel scared or intimidated is either a psychopathic, psychological, or narcissistic stare.

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Even if you can’t tell the exact type or motivation behind the look, trust your instinct; if your instinct is fear, there’s probably a good reason for it.

How to Respond to a Narcissist’s Stare

Some people are initially flattered when a narcissist stares at them, believing it indicates intimacy or devotion. It’s only when the narcissist’s gaze turns cold and dark that they begin to become suspicious.

At this point, calling the narcissist out will only irritate them and make the situation more dangerous. If you want to confront them, try softening the blow with the “compliment sandwich approach.”

Narcissists find criticism extremely hurtful and will lash out if you confront them directly about their behavior. The “compliment sandwich” approach involves sandwiching the issue between two compliments so that the narcissist can easily absorb it.

Say something like, “I love the way you look into my eyes, but I sometimes find it a little annoying. I wish my gaze was as intense as yours.”

This may not have the desired effect, but hopefully it will make the narcissist realize that you have noticed the narcissist’s gaze and know that they are using it to make you feel uncomfortable.

If you have already reached the point where the narcissist’s gaze is cold and calculating, it is likely that they have already set their sights on a new victim or narcissistic source. If this is the case, it is time to get out before they destroy your self-esteem.

You may be so afraid and intimidated by the narcissist’s gaze that you cannot do anything about it, in which case you should seek professional help.