Why do narcissists keep coming back to you?

Narcissists are addicted to what is called “narcissistic supply.”

Attention (both good and bad), flattery, applause, fame, celebrity, and notoriety—these are all narcissistic supplies.

People who consistently, reliably, and predictably provide you with these things are called “narcissistic supply sources.”

Need for Narcissistic Supply

Why would a narcissist seek out another source of supply if their current source of supply is always available and accepting of them again?

Developing a new source of narcissistic supply is time-consuming and energy-consuming. A narcissist will always prefer the path of least resistance (returning to old sources).

Related : The Narcissist and Second Marriage – Do They Remarry Quickly?

If a narcissist is low on narcissistic supply, they will seek it from anyone they can get it from.

If they come to you after your relationship has ended, understand that they are coming to you because they are not getting enough attention or validation from their current source of supply.

This may sound harsh and may be hard to accept, but you have to understand this.

He’s not coming back to you because he misses you or genuinely loves you (although he tends to tell you that because he knows that’s what most women want to hear).

Remember, the only two emotions a narcissist feels are fear and anger.

Love is not an emotion a narcissist can feel. If he comes back to you, it’s because he needs validation and nothing more.

QuickFix

Why do some narcissists come back only to change their mind immediately after committing or why do they come back just to say something insulting or hurtful?

The reason for this is that he’s only coming back to get a “quick fix” for his addiction.

Once you prove this to him by responding to him in any way—good or bad—he gets what he wants and will move on to the next best “high.”

Getting a reaction from you is like a drug to him. He enjoys it and needs it to feel alive.

Without it, he feels dead inside. That’s why he’ll come back to you even if it’s just to insult you. If he knows he can’t get a positive reaction from you, he will try to elicit a negative reaction.

All he needs is a reaction—any reaction—from you to get what he wants. He likes to know that he still has some kind of influence over you.

Moreover, the old source has the advantage of having witnessed the narcissist’s greatness in the past.

Her repeated “surrender” and “surrender to his charm” is the narcissistic supply he seeks. It is his victory, a “win” at his game.

In general, the narcissist is trying to define and discover his own strength as an irresistible male and a desirable mate.

Related : My Narcissist Boyfriend is Jealous of my Ex

The more tormented the relationship is—the sweeter the repeated “victory” (reconciliation).

This is doubly true when the narcissist is in the midst of life crises such as job loss, divorce, serious illness, etc.

He then tends to gain self-esteem and a sense of self-worth by proxy, by associating with a successful woman.

To summarize:

The narcissist keeps coming back to you, and keeps obsessing over you, because it’s the easiest and quickest way to get a dose of narcissistic supply.

And because you keep bringing it back to you. Narcissists act (or refrain from acting) solely based on the availability of narcissistic supply (or lack thereof).

If the narcissist keeps coming back – he does so because he’s convinced there’s a narcissistic source to be had – or because he hasn’t yet secured an alternative source of supply.

Let him get his fix from somewhere else. The only way to deal with a narcissist is to “no contact” and refuse to interact with him.