What are the signs of a narcissist’s final abandonment? The abandonment stage of a narcissist is often the final stage of a relationship. Relationships with narcissists follow a familiar pattern that begins the moment you meet them.

Most often, they will try to charm you and shower you with compliments.

These traits make narcissists popular, because they boost their target’s ego. This early stage is called the idealization stage, when they fall deeply in love with you and how you make them feel.

Don’t assume that the compliments will last, as the narcissist slowly introduces insults and put-downs into the relationship that are designed to diminish your value and self-worth.

At this stage, the narcissist shows their true self, who is no longer infatuated with you but wants to control you.

This is a desperate attempt to boost their ego, to reclaim the feelings they felt earlier in the relationship.

Once the narcissist has completely destroyed you and you can no longer feed their ego, they will abandon you.

This stage leaves the partner feeling worthless and confused, wondering what he or she could have done differently to save the relationship.

In fact, no amount of effort will change the outcome of the relationship, as the narcissist is always looking for new victims to inflate his or her ego.

This type of love, as Jungian analyst Robert Johnson once said, “is always directed toward our own expectations and fantasies… It is not love for another person, but love for ourselves.”

What is the narcissist’s release stage?

The release stage of a narcissist can take many forms and occur at different times for different types of narcissists, but it is inevitable for those in a relationship with a narcissist. Let’s start at the beginning to see how to get to the release stage.

As we mentioned before, the initial stage of a relationship with a narcissist feels wonderful – some describe it as intoxicating.

You are showered with praise, gifts, and affection (known as love bombing); this is when the narcissist is at his or her best and seems to form a genuine connection with you.

Unfortunately, love bombing has little to do with you and everything to do with the joy the narcissist feels about themselves.

But joy never lasts for narcissists, and the only way to maintain this initial joy is to exercise power over you.

They will belittle, criticize, and control you as a means of enhancing their own self-image. They can only feel fulfilled by belittling others.

Like an addict building tolerance, even this level of control can no longer boost the narcissist’s ego in the way they so desperately need it.

This is when the dumping occurs—you are dumped in favor of someone new, someone who can provide the initial high they so desperately need.

Signs of an Upcoming Narcissistic Dump

To those unfamiliar with narcissists and their ways, the dumping phase can seem like the inevitable end of a failed relationship.

After weeks, months, or even years of being devalued, victims of narcissistic abuse often believe they deserve to be dumped.

In this emotional and mental state, the victim may not even notice that the dumping is coming. Here are some of the most common signs that a dumping is coming.

They’re Looking for Someone New

Narcissists need praise and ego boosts, so they’re unlikely to dump you until they find someone new (narcissistic supply) who can provide these things.

Related : What is Narcissistic Rage?

If your partner is busy with texts and calls from friends or coworkers you never knew about, this is likely the first sign of an upcoming dump.

Affection Stops Severely

Even when a narcissist belittles you and controls your every move, they will almost certainly offer you the occasional compliment or affectionate gesture just to keep you on the hook.

When they are ready to dump you, these positive actions are completely absent. They no longer serve a purpose for them.

Stop Trying

Narcissists are experts at controlling their world, but that control takes a great deal of effort.

The lies they tell you about themselves and you need consistency to remain believable.

When the disposal phase comes, they don’t even try to prove themselves wrong. Time is short for this relationship and the control over you is no longer worth the effort.

What does a narcissist do when they are ready to dump you?

The process of preparing for the disposal can last weeks or even months as the narcissist prepares you for the final stage.

How this stage goes is largely determined by how far along your relationship with the narcissist is.

If you don’t live together, there’s a good chance they will simply pick a fight, blame you for the relationship’s failure, and then say something that makes you feel bad about yourself.

Then they will cut off all contact (if you’re lucky).

Things get even more complicated if you share money, children, or a home with the narcissist.

The disposal phase will be a long-term process where you are made to feel worthless and unworthy of anything you shared.

When they finally leave, by moving out or divorcing you, they will be in a better position to take it all, leaving you with only feelings of self-doubt.

What happens in the disposal phase?

The ultimate dumping of a narcissist occurs when they have finally squeezed every ounce of joy and self-worth out of you.

They are tired of the relationship and it no longer serves any other purpose.

One of the first symptoms of impending dumping is the silent treatment. Narcissists thrive on attention and when someone goes silent with us, our first instinct is to ask them what’s wrong.

Many use this time to apologize for perceived slights, anything to get the narcissist to open up and have a conversation.

Unfortunately, these are things that a narcissist will never do, and they won’t even try to pretend to while dumping someone. But the silent treatment is just the first step.

In the next step, the narcissist will cut any ties that may remain. They will blame you, detailing how you failed them as a partner.

At no point will they take any responsibility for their role in ending their relationship. Instead, they will highlight how they were the victim and how you will fail in every subsequent relationship.

This last past is important because they need you to see yourself as unlovable.

This leaves the door slightly open, so they may come back later once they have completely exhausted another partner or just need a temporary self-esteem boost.

Does a Narcissist Come Back After Getting Dumped?

The sad truth is that they almost certainly will. Dumping, especially the first one, is simply a way to devalue you as a person and exert more control.

Their hope is that once you realize how little you matter to them, you will work harder to please them.

Learning about the narcissist dumping phase and what it means gives you the opportunity to break the cycle before the relationship gets any worse.

You can challenge the narcissist and accept the end of the relationship. When the narcissist comes back thinking they can get you back, let them know that they are no longer welcome in your life.

The negative words they used to devalue you can be used to justify why the relationship is not working. This will undoubtedly anger the narcissist, but in the long run, it will save you a lot of pain.

Why do narcissists throw everything away?

For those who have been through this experience, throwing everything away seems very cold and meaningless. But for the narcissist, throwing everything away is a necessary component of maintaining their self-image.

Related : How To Get Over a Narcissist? Follow These 5 Steps

This idealized version of themselves is only possible in the early stages of the relationship when you are only aware of the side they have chosen to share.

Moving into a more intimate phase of the relationship is painful for narcissists because it requires them to reveal their flaws and accept that their idealized self is a false perception.

Narcissists devalue their partner as a short-term coping mechanism; their flaws seem less obvious when they constantly remind you of yours.

It is an imperfect coping strategy, and ultimately, they must cut you out of their life to maintain their idealized self-image.

Now that you know some of their flaws, they need to discredit you and prevent you from telling others about their weaknesses.

How Narcissists Justify Getting Rid

Narcissists often justify leaving a relationship by saying that you have changed.

This is probably not true, but it may seem true to narcissists because they don’t feel the same way they did in the beginning of the relationship.

Narcissists cannot develop a deeper connection through intimacy, which is a necessary component for a relationship to last.

Each new relationship is a countdown to zero, at which point they feel bored and dissatisfied, and yearn for a new partner to boost their self-esteem.

How to Deal with Narcissists Who Dump You?

Assuming that the narcissist is really done with them, the narcissistic discard stage can be a blessing in disguise.

You may finally be free from their controlling behaviors and hurtful words, but in that moment, the discard feels awful.

These are some of the most effective coping strategies to get through these difficult times.

Feel Your Feelings

The narcissistic discard stage is so painful and confusing because it seems so easy for narcissists to discard you; they seem to have no feelings at all.

You don’t have to be, though. Your pain is real and you have a right to feel your feelings. Just don’t dwell on why this discard happened.

RealizeIt’sNotYourFault

Narcissists are experts at deflecting blame, making you feel like the failure of a relationship is entirely your fault.

But there’s nothing you can do to save it, because the failure comes from the narcissist’s inability to care about anyone but themselves.

LearnFromIt

Being in a relationship with a narcissist is a painful experience, one you don’t want to repeat.

Fortunately, having identified a narcissist, you should be better able to spot them in the future and avoid a similar experience.

What Happens When You Get Rid of a Narcissist First?

Narcissists, by definition, have a need to control people, which means that cutting them off before they’re ready will almost certainly turn ugly.

Since they haven’t gotten to the point of getting rid of the narcissist, your presence (and your submission to them) is a major source of self-esteem for them.

Getting rid of them first is a huge blow to their self-esteem; to overcome this loss of dignity, they will do everything they can to devalue you. This can take the form of:

Bragging about a new relationship and how successful their life is with the intent of showing how little you mean to them. However, this is also common when the narcissist dumps the person first.

Manipulation, where the narcissist twists the situation to make themselves look like the victim and leaves you confused about what is real and what is not.

Threats and insults that let the victim know that they will suffer greatly by leaving the narcissist. Many victims of narcissistic abuse fear losing friends and family members when the narcissist claims that they can be turned against them.

Conveying messages through friends. While this may seem harmless, such indirect communication makes the victim feel like everyone around them is repeating the abuser’s words. This makes them feel alone and disconnected.

Leaving a narcissist is never easy, but in the long run, it may be for the best.

The narcissist will eventually leave you alone as he moves on to his next victim who will provide him with a new source of ego-boosting attention.