Closeness comes in many forms, but it refers to a feeling of closeness and connection to another person. People can be emotionally and physically intimate, and both types help foster feelings of deep love.

But the situation is often confusing when it comes to narcissism and closeness.

Many narcissists are in romantic relationships (or want to be in one), but they act in ways that challenge closeness and hurt the people they claim to care about.

Their partners often feel confused or blame themselves. The narcissist may get what they want, but it’s still not enough. Let’s explore why this happens and what loved ones should know.

DoNarcissistsLikeCloseness?

Most narcissists love closeness with others. If you ask them about their thoughts on closeness, they’ll often say that they care a lot about their loved ones.

They’re likely to rank closeness as a top priority in their relationships. And they’re likely to say that they make great partners (which they truly believe).

This refers to the distorted reality that makes up personality disorders. Narcissistic personality disorder typically emerges in response to severe trauma, leaving the person with a hollow void and deep feelings of self-loathing.

In addition to assuming that they are always right, people with narcissistic personality disorder also tend to believe that there is something fundamentally wrong with the rest of the world.

To cope with this intense pain, narcissists construct a false self consisting of grandiose thinking and an inflated sense of self-importance.

But just because they have this false sense of self doesn’t mean they aren’t desperately trying to fulfill themselves.

Almost every waking moment, a person with narcissistic personality disorder seeks some form of validation or approval. They rely on this to feel secure in the world.

Intimacy fulfills an important need—it makes narcissists feel wanted and special. In some relationships, it helps maintain a sense of power, which is also valuable.

Do Narcissists Avoid Intimacy?

Some narcissists avoid intimacy, but they rarely do so without other strong sources of narcissistic supply.

If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist who avoids intimacy with you, it’s worth considering whether they’re meeting these needs with someone else.

Related ;: How to Respond to a Narcissist and Verbally Disarm Them

Not all narcissists cheat on their partners, but some do, and they often justify it completely.

They will generally prioritize their own happiness and desires, even if it means violating a commitment they share with someone. If your narcissistic partner suddenly isn’t interested in sex (and won’t tell you why), that’s a warning sign.

In addition to relationships, narcissists may seek supply through their jobs, hobbies/passions, compulsive habits (such as drinking alcohol, using drugs, or having an eating disorder), accumulating money, or improving their physical appearance.

If any of these sources of supply are particularly dominant, the narcissist may not feel the need for intimacy.

If narcissists don’t have enough supply, they’re likely to seek intimacy. If they don’t want it in a committed relationship, they’ll seek it out through dating apps, escort services, strip clubs, or other forms of superficial contact.

Narcissism and Emotional Intimacy

Narcissists tend to think they’re skilled at emotional intimacy. But it’s important to understand the nuances of what’s really going on.

When a narcissist first feels attracted to someone, they often feel a heightened sense of euphoria (just like anyone else).

This is the first stage of a narcissist falling in love. But this quickly leads to love bombing, a stage of all-consuming passion.

True emotional intimacy takes time. Although they may be excited about their future together, people get to know each other safely.

There is mutual respect for boundaries. Both people can generally see each other’s flaws and accept them for what they are.

Love bombing is intense—it’s clingy, dramatic, and all about “becoming soulmates.” The narcissist feels fulfilled, and assumes that the other person has completed them completely.

It’s important to note that in a narcissistic relationship, love bombing never lasts.

Once the narcissist sees the other person’s true self, they inevitably feel disappointed.

This leads to attempts to control or manipulate the relationship. Eventually, the narcissist begins to devalue their partner. They resent them for not being as “perfect” as they thought they were.

This pattern also explains why narcissists struggle with friendships, children, and other family members.

Even if they claim to love these people, they are rarely able to put their own selfish needs aside to truly be there for them.

Narcissism and Physical Intimacy

Most narcissists love physical intimacy and can be very sexual.

However, their ideas/needs around sex may differ depending on their type of narcissism. Here are some ways that narcissism and sex break down in the bedroom:

Overt Grandiose Narcissists

These “classic” narcissists move through the world outwardly believing they are better than others.

Other people can sense their narcissism and often feel uncomfortable or annoyed by it.

However, they also tend to be successful, which can be attractive in a relationship. In the bedroom, they are often abusive and selfish.

Covert Narcissists

Vulnerable narcissists can be difficult to understand. They tend to come across as weak, insecure, and even needy—which can be the opposite of what people think of when they think of narcissism.

However, they are very self-absorbed. When it comes to physical intimacy, they can be very “giving,” but this is often because they want to “engage” their partner.

Related : 5 Things to Never Do After Breaking Up with a Narcissist

Sometimes, they may also seem completely uninterested in sex, but this is often because they want the thrill that their partner is constantly chasing after them.

Malignant Narcissists

Malignant narcissists share traits with people with antisocial personality disorder.

All types of narcissists are likely to use violence or other forms of cruelty to get their needs met.

But they tend to appear charming, which is why people sometimes find them attractive.

However, they can be very dangerous, and may force or coerce their partners into being physically intimate.

Cerebral Narcissists

Cerebral narcissists appear to be overly intellectual and can be quite arrogant in their worldview.

Many of these narcissists view sex with disdain – they see it as a primitive, superficial need.

They get their supply from other forms of validation, such as in a high-powered profession or by participating in educational conversations.

Somatic Narcissists

Somatic narcissists care about bodies, including their own and those of others. Sex is very important to them, as it is a way to display their physical appearance.

However, sex with a somatic narcissist is often incredibly unsatisfying, as most of the focus will be on their own personal satisfaction.

Sex maintains their self-esteem, and they also tend to want to sleep with people who meet incredibly high physical standards.

They do not accept aging well, so staying in a long-term relationship with this type of person poses many challenges.

Sexual Narcissists

Sexual narcissists are the most sexual of all narcissists. Sex is the primary way they seek supply from others.

These narcissists are more likely to cheat on their partners (because they are looking for renewal), have a pornography addiction, or have unusual sexual fantasies.

They also tend to feel entitled when it comes to sex. But they never seem satisfied no matter how much they get (or even if their partner does exactly what they want).

What does intimacy look like for a narcissist in a long-term relationship?

Narcissists thrive on extremes, and not just sexual behavior. They want their relationships to be exciting and passionate at all times.

While most people enjoy getting to know the “humanity” of others, narcissists struggle with this type of connection.

They tend to only care about being with people who can best meet their needs—not the other way around.

For this reason, narcissists are often skittish about intimacy in long-term relationships.

Sometimes, they have no problem showing physical affection to their partners, but they may refrain from emotional closeness or other forms of healthy connection.

Others use sex as a weapon, taking it too far to seemingly punish their partners.

Many narcissists also have unrealistic expectations when it comes to intimacy.

For example, they often expect their partner to be “always” in a good mood when they are.

But they also have no problem repeatedly rejecting their partner’s requests or even insulting them for their sexual fantasies or desires.

Some narcissists prefer long-term relationships, especially if they value certain ideals, such as marriage or starting a family. Others avoid such commitment and may look down on it.