I don’t need to remind you that narcissists are some of the cruelest people on the planet.

They are hell-bent on destroying you and everything in your life, and they won’t stop, care, or even recognize your limits—because they don’t have limits themselves.

So many people come to me and ask me what the cruelest things a narcissist can do are, because they want to protect themselves from the worst possible behavior.

What did I do with the answers I gave them?

I’ve compiled them for you—my wider audience.

So here’s what I know about the cruelest things narcissists do.

TheyAvoidIntimacy

The first on my list is incredibly cruel, especially if you’re in a relationship with a narcissist.

TheyAvoidIntimacy

Intimacy is not avoided because neither person is interested in it or because it’s not at the top of either person’s list in the relationship.

No.

Narcissists avoid intimacy as a way to punish the person they’re with. What you need to remember is that any relationship with a narcissist is superficial. It’s like bathing in shallow water.

Because there’s no depth, two people can’t connect beyond the initial stages.

This can be the same for all types of intimacy; it doesn’t have to be physical. Intimacy can be the way two people connect and show each other their vulnerable sides.

This can be found in friendships as well as romantically involved individuals, but in either case, expect a very harsh twist to the narcissist’s trait through the lack of any form of intimacy.

LimitedCapacity of a Narcissist

The challenge that narcissists face (which they would never dream of telling you), is that any form of intimacy is toxic. What if they reveal their true selves to someone, only to be brutally rejected? It’s definitely better to build those steel walls and act as if intimacy is only for the vulnerable.

Narcissists have attachment issues. They don’t see value or even security in relationships, so intimacy rarely comes with effort.

This doesn’t mean they don’t want closeness, it’s just that they view intimacy as dicey.

For narcissists, intimacy is a threat to many things, and it’s intertwined with disappointment and abandonment. They won’t want to invest their time if their time is going to be wasted or abused by the innocent party.

Sounds so ironic, doesn’t it?

NeverConfuse Intimacy with Sex

Sex and intimacy with a narcissist are very different. A narcissist will view sex as an act. It’s a way of expressing desire that has a beginning and an end, but delving into other acts of love, like trust, talking, honesty, and openness—these are the kinds of intimacy a narcissist will deny you, and that’s very cruel.

Breadcrumbs

Breadcrumbs are very destructive to the person receiving them.

What exactly are breadcrumbs?

Do you sometimes feel like the little pieces of mental or emotional attention a narcissist gives you go a long way? It’s amazing how they can make you feel even the smallest bit possible.

Why is that?

Well, let me tell you.

Narcissists use breadcrumbs as a form of validation. The one thing you crave more than anything else is to be locked in a constant state of safety and love, and when you don’t feel that way, you’ll look for anything, and I mean anything, that makes you feel like those things are still there in some way.

GiveALittle, TakeAWorld

A narcissist will cruelly give you the bare minimum needed to make you feel on top of the world, like a raindrop during a drought. The problem is that the small drop seems great in the moment but does nothing in the long run to make your world a more balanced place.

A narcissist will act like they’re giving you everything you need, while you settle for a ridiculously unfair gesture.

Breadcrumbs are when you’re so hungry for food, when you finally sit down to eat, those few crumbs seem amazing. If you zoom out and see them for what they are, you’ll notice that they don’t go anywhere to nourish you.

They asked me out to dinner!

They paid me some attention.

They didn’t answer their phone once.

They told me how hot I looked.

They remembered my birthday!

Really?

These are basic things that most healthy relationships should see.

These little things are enough for people who may not have been seen for a long time, but in narcissistic relationships, these cute little things come up after a period of devaluation, so draw you back in.

You deserve better than crumbs.

FakeFuture

I’ll call you later.

I’ll text you later.

Oh, I’m so sorry. I fell asleep.

I got busy with work.

I completely forgot, I had so many things to do.

Fake future is so evil. It’s a powerful form of manipulation by keeping you hooked on promises you want to hear that never actually come true.

They want you to hear what you want to hear without thinking that you assume they will keep their word.

Someday

Yes, someday.

I want to marry you someday.

I want to have three kids with you someday.

We should take a vacation, just the two of us, someday.

Let’s travel the world together someday!

We should definitely do that… someday.

When will those days come?

Of course they never come. They remain so cruelly in your dreams and desires, but the pretense of the future will be presented to you so cleverly that you won’t see the lies or excuses as anything other than “Well, I guess they were busy today, that’s too bad. Next time!”

Keeping your hopes up like this is keeping you waiting. They don’t necessarily want you, but they don’t want you to go either because you make them feel good and boost their confidence.

They need it to replace their inability to provide it for themselves.

Reassurance Without Evidence

Narcissists will delve into the world of manipulation by convincing you to do something just to be with them.

They promise and reassure you that they will take care of you so you can pursue your dreams, then leave you financially dependent on them. Once you’re in this position, they can physically exert much more effort than you ever have before.

There’s no evidence of future pretense, but that doesn’t stop those who have been promised it from seeking it out.