Exposing why INFJs are attracted to narcissists. Here are some of the shocking reasons why kind hearts fall for the coldest of souls.

Anyone can fall prey to toxic people such as a malignant narcissist or a sociopath, someone who has very little empathy with an excessive sense of entitlement, a false sense of superiority, and a tendency to be interpersonal for their own gain.

The dynamic between empaths and narcissists has been explored in many articles, but what about INFJs and narcissists?

It may seem completely strange that one of the most “authentic” personality types would end up with someone who tends to be very insincere and outwardly charming, but there are reasons why they (initially) gravitate towards each other.

INFJ and Narcissists: Let’s talk more about how the traits of an INFJ empath interact with those of a narcissist—and how, like any other personality type, we can be vulnerable to narcissists as well as empowered by what we’ve learned from our experiences with them.

Why do INFJs attract narcissists in romantic relationships?

1. As natural idealists, INFJs often seek the “ultimate relationship.”

INFJs are idealists. They place a high value on the few people they invite into their most closed inner worlds. When INFJs seek the ultimate relationship, their heart is in the right place—they just want what they know deep down that they deserve—someone who respects and honors them for who they are.

For the INFJ, the narcissist’s toxic love bombardment (a period of excessive idealization and “grooming” that the narcissist displays his victim) may initially represent the pinnacle of an idealized relationship—of affection, adoration, and attention that they may not have received from the outside world.

As lovers of communication, the INFJ may at first mistake the narcissist’s abilities for a crafty wordsmith such as their ability to express their deepest desire to the INFJ.

Once an INFJ has learned all of the tricks and tools of these impostors, they are able to distinguish between genuine interest and an inauthentic agenda, but like any other personality type, they can be susceptible to the toxic person’s “false mask” of apparent vulnerability and innocent admiration.

Related: 10 Signs You Have A Toxic Daughter-In-Law

There are many ways to evolve from this as an INFJ. One of them might mean continuing to stick to yourself and your expectations for a good relationship, without expecting that everyone who seems at first to be the ideal is, in fact, the ideal.

In many cases, compassionate love is built slowly, like friendship, and the sudden spark of chemistry and rapid progression does not necessarily represent the authenticity of a long-term romance.

As an INFJ, one of our biggest challenges is learning to honor ourselves and our instincts above the appearance of an ideal, in order to achieve the real thing.

2. INFJs tend to be natural healers and counsellors
   Due to their high degree of empathy, INFJs tend to be natural healers and counsellors – which means they may tend to want to “fix” others.

Empathy and Compassion for the INFJ Empathy is a huge strength for this sensitive personality type.

Sometimes, however, INFJs can risk going beyond simply helping someone and acting as a catalyst for their own growth and wanting to “fix” an untreated toxic person who they don’t take responsibility for their recovery.

If you are an INFJ who was raised by narcissistic parents or had toxic partners, please know that it is not your fault for being abused, whether it was in childhood or adulthood.

Your sensitivity and empathy may have been taken advantage of and taken advantage of by a toxic person, but that doesn’t mean that these aren’t some of your greatest talents in this world.

It simply means that we can use our empathy in a more discriminating way, toward people who would not use it for their own agenda.

Know that there are real people who would not benefit from your sympathy and would be grateful for your support. You don’t have to break your boundaries to meet the excessive needs and expectations of toxic people.

3. INFJs try to avoid conflict and are extremely sensitive to criticism.
   Since INFJs tend to avoid conflict whenever possible, walking on eggshells can become an even more exaggerated dynamic with a toxic partner.

Any survivor of abuse can get caught up in doing this because of the effects of the trauma, but INFJs may be more likely to rationalize, deny, and minimize the behavior of their abusers to “keep the peace.”

Good news, though the fiery spirit within an INFJ can happily counteract this people-pleasing habit: They’re also so driven to end the injustice that they can also go to the other extreme of cutting anyone who displays toxic behavior from their life without a second thought.

INFJs can use their stubbornness to their advantage when severing relationships with toxic people if they are willing to face and tackle conflict head-on to get the healthy life they truly deserve.

Related: Histrionic Narcissists: How They Use Sex And Lies As Weapons Of Manipulation

An INFJ’s sensitivity can also be used against them to lead them to believe that whatever abuse or mistreatment occurs is “all in their heads,” when in reality their sensitivity is alerting them to potential danger.

Abusive partners, family members, or friends can lash out while accusing the victim of being simply “too sensitive.”

An INFJ can indeed be a very sensitive person, but they can have a lovely sense of humor as well and can think critically of themselves.

INFJs are irresistible to self-improvement—in fact, their constant development is part of their need for continuous growth and dedication to staying safe.

So, if an INFJ is overreacting to something, you can bet that they will eventually realize it and apologize for it.

The reason why INFJs are attracted to narcissists

The problem is that when you apologize to a toxic person who constantly hurts you regardless of any long-term discussions about their behavior, you ignore the inner voice telling you that this person is not as interested in developing as you are.

You start to realize that you’re not the sensitive one — they are, in fact, insensitive (and we all know toxic people can have very sensitive egos and can get angry when they don’t get what they want).

Related: 12 Manipulative Strategies Narcissists Use To Keep You Trapped

It is important to remember that it is not the INFJ’s sense of humor, sensitivity, or willingness to call out abuse when they see that that is the issue when it comes to the dynamic between the INFJ and the toxic person.

Instead, their sensitivity allows them to “feel” on a deeply intuitive level when they encounter a toxic person, or even a malignant narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath.

An INFJ’s sensitivity can act as an intuitive radar when toxicity is present – so it’s always helpful to be able to take a step back and register our reactions to people as INFJs are.

Remember that as an INFJ you also have a deep connection to your intuition and may be more likely than other personality types to pick up on these feelings early on.

So, what is the relationship between INFJ and narcissists? What does all this mean? This means that as an INFJ, you can trust your inner voice, as it can be your greatest friend and source of salvation from dangerous situations. As a healer, you don’t need to be a permanent healer to change the world.

As a sensitive being, you need not dismiss your sensitivity as paranoia when it is, in fact, one of your greatest intuitive tools. And as an empath, you can still empathize with others from a distance.

You don’t have to tolerate toxicity, mistreatment, or abuse by anyone just to keep the peace, because the most loving and compassionate thing you can do for others and the world holds them accountable for healing themselves…and by doing so, you can also continue to heal your life and the world.