When you, the empath, leave a relationship with a narcissist, the narcissist is initially distraught, reeling, and destabilized.
The narcissist may beg you or try to manipulate you into staying. Even if they had other sources of narcissistic supply, they did not expect to lose your supply today.
When held up, the pain of rejection and abandonment causes the narcissist severe narcissistic injury, leading to narcissistic rage.
The narcissist may then:
He threatens you
Be verbally/physically/emotionally abusive
Call the police on you
Destroying your relationships and the people and things that are important to you
distort you
Eventually, the narcissist will find support elsewhere, although he may still want to punish you for this perceived transgression.
Related: 8 Signs That You, Yourself, Are A Narcissist
More importantly, what happens to you, Empath?
At first, you feel strong, brave and confident. You were brave. You have taken a stand for yourself. It’s only appropriate to celebrate.
You also feel that peace is actually possible in your life. Your nervous system begins to relax and let down its guard, even slightly. You sleep a little better, feel more energy, and your mind feels clearer.
When your focus is on yourself, you experience a sense of peace. You no longer feel the narcissist’s pain and anger.
Next comes the collapse.
Massive waves of crushing self-doubt begin to emerge and you find it difficult to stay afloat.
Maybe they’re not narcissists.
Maybe they can change.
Maybe I should give them another chance.
You wonder if you made a mistake. No, you agonize over whether you made a mistake.
Related: 5 Ways To Help A Narcissist Who Is Ready To Change
Now you are not sure about everything…
What to order in a restaurant
Whether your shirt is too slutty
How to proceed with your car repair
Whether your email to your co-worker could be interpreted as mean
You’ve fallen down the rabbit hole of doubting yourself about everything.
You have become your own biggest critic and nothing you do seems to be good enough. (This is your ego putting the spotlight on you, by the way.)
You look at your decision to end the relationship through this lens.
Maybe I’m too sensitive.
Maybe I overreacted.
Maybe I’m insecure… Oh my god, holy cow, I’m insecure. The restaurant, the shirt, the car, the email. I’m completely insecure!
Then it hits you – maybe you are the problem.
Your focus shifts to the narcissist, sympathizing with their sadness, rejection, and anger.
You begin to feel it as if it were yours. You don’t want to feel this way. You don’t want anyone to feel that way.
She thinks about their dysfunctional family of origin, their traumatic childhood, and perhaps the unknown series of events that made them this way. She wonders if there is a way to help them, to stop the pain she is experiencing.
Maybe you get it back, experience devaluation again – much worse this time – and then start the cycle all over again.
