Ask any highly sensitive person and they will tell you that at some point in their life, they were in a relationship with a narcissist. Most didn’t know it at the time, but increasingly, they began to feel taken advantage of and misused and wondered how to get out.
They couldn’t always name it or even explain what was going on. But they didn’t feel comfortable. And the more they tried, the worse things got. One day, you meet someone who seems sweet, funny, charming, and appreciative of your sensitive, caring, and giving nature, and before you know it, you’re living with someone who just wants you to meet their every need.
Highly sensitive people don’t consciously choose these types of relationships, but they are especially vulnerable to them. Fortunately, there are ways for highly sensitive people to avoid these toxic relationships and find the love they deserve.
For someone looking from the outside into a relationship between a highly sensitive person and a narcissist, it’s all too easy to blame the highly sensitive person. How and why would anyone want to stay in such a relationship? And why did you get into it in the first place? It was obvious that this person was taking advantage of you.
But of course, it’s not always obvious. Long-term narcissistic behavior is not always obvious, and narcissists often become highly skilled at getting what they want through charm, deception, passive aggression, and control and manipulation tactics. Narcissists feel superior to others, although this may manifest itself in subtle ways, such as complaining about hotel service or ignoring expert advice. They are preoccupied with achieving success, power, beauty, fame, and wealth, although whatever they achieve is never enough. They lack empathy for others, including their family and friends, so they exploit people to meet their needs and desires, even if it hurts someone else. Unfortunately, highly sensitive people are often their targets. Highly sensitive people are highly empathetic and care deeply about others, and they empathize with their problems. They are sensitive to the feelings of others and often feel the need to help. The narcissist creates a relationship with the highly sensitive person that essentially allows him to feed on the highly sensitive person’s kindness to satisfy his insatiable appetite for praise, attention, admiration, power, and material things until the highly sensitive partner is left emotionally drained, exhausted, and helpless.
This feeling of helplessness often explains why it’s so hard for highly sensitive people to leave. Highly sensitive people are typically conscientious and hardworking, and they often feel, unfortunately, that if they just tried a little harder, and were a little more compassionate, understanding, and loving, everything would work out. Unfortunately, narcissists will only exploit this compassion and take more and more of what the highly sensitive person is struggling to offer.
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While it can be difficult to completely avoid narcissistic individuals, highly sensitive people can protect themselves. Narcissists can be hard to spot because they are masters of deception. They know what you want to hear, how to make you feel good, and how to say just the right things. Be wary of people who seem a little preoccupied with their appearance, their status, and what people think of them.
The key is to recognize that, as a highly sensitive person, you are vulnerable in ways that others are not. But that doesn’t make you helpless. You are a delicate creature and you need to protect yourself. Instead of seeing your sensitivity as a flaw, use your unique qualities to see others for who they are and trust your amazing sense of intuition and awareness of your own and others’ feelings.
You can develop your sense of self-awareness and intuition by taking a few moments alone each day, especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed or upset. If you don’t know what you’re feeling or why, sit in a quiet place, close your eyes, and ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” Don’t think, just listen. Trust your instincts. The answer will come to you, perhaps in the form of a picture, perhaps a word, or a feeling. Then base your actions on this reliable information, not what someone else is telling you. They may not have your best interests at heart.
Highly sensitive people can be targets for narcissists, but that doesn’t mean you’re helpless. Knowing who you are and what you need will make it easier to draw the line between a first date with a charming person and a relationship from hell. And if you find yourself in such a relationship, the best solution is to leave. It’s not your job to fix someone else. All you have to do is take care of yourself.
