What draws our attention most strongly in our external experience is more about our internal search (for healing, growth, wisdom, etc.)—our “spiritual path.” Thus, we are more drawn to what we see in the “outside” world as versions (or visions) of ourselves.
Versions of ourselves in the “outside world” may include people, animals, locations, objects, or situations, but they are in particular and powerful.
Other people – especially the people we choose to be closest to.
Symbols of the real (external) world can be very similar to parts of the (inner) psyche that need attention to heal. We do not know this when we choose to begin the experience, but we may feel an irresistible attraction to this type of experience.
Drag may be stronger than anything else in our experience.
Like Narcissus from the ancient Greek story, what we are drawn to “there” are shattered parts of ourselves that we don’t recognize because they are not “here.” We have been avoiding them ‘here’ – not healing them or integrating them (again) into the self – out of fear of the pain that a direct examination of the broken parts of the self might bring.
And so we “safely” examine parts of ourselves in our “outside” experience, the realm of interaction with other human beings and in situations, in which we consciously or unconsciously identify with ourselves.
By doing so, we draw others into our fantasy world. We make a “dream come true” and live it. Meanwhile, they do the same thing with you as a symbol of their inner pain and brokenness because you also symbolize a part of their broken self. This mechanism is completely unconscious in most people.
(All breath was broken – some more, some less.)
The search for parts of yourself in the “outer” world of experience is the result of detachment from the inner aspects of yourself that are represented by the outer symbols. In this process, we seek to recreate the circumstances or relationships that led to our inner brokenness—and heal by “doing it right”… this time… “there.”
This mechanism sometimes looks like a temptation. If we give in to this type of experience, we are showing our need for healing and growth. But if we are not seduced by such a convincing potential – or past – experience, then we have already triumphed over “temptation”, the snares of the past that we have not yet found and removed from the soul.
If you feel compelled to choose an experience, you cannot pass it on; She has power over you. But if you can “un-choose” it, you are free from it.
The overwhelming desire to choose an experience that represents inner brokenness. Or we can look at it as an opportunity to live an experience that will reveal our inner brokenness – if we pay attention to both the inner world of psychology and the outer world of experience!
On the other hand, the experience of living apart—without wanting to possess or identify with the ever-changing symbols of the “outer” world, but living with greater awareness in both the inner and outer worlds—represents the inner value of freedom:
Freedom from bondage to “external” experiences,
Freedom from repeating past failures.
- Freedom from recycling outstanding issue at present.
This style of separate living means that one becomes more whole, healthier, more complete, more aware, and more able to choose one’s own experiences. (Not perfect, though it’s better than before.)
To be short:
We are so drawn to experiences “outside” that the circumstances surrounding the experiences—the “principal components”—reflect most of what we need “in here.”
This means that our unresolved psychological problems create and re-create the basic conditions of our reality so that we heal them by learning the lesson through real life, flesh, and blood…and yes, by involving others in our experience, even as they share theirs with us.
In this way, together we can heal each other by revealing each other’s inner brokenness – completely unaware that we are doing so if we have not yet learned the lesson from that experience.
Learning a lesson can take a very long time, but knowing how the mechanism works can make learning it much easier, faster, and less painful. It can change lives. This, of course, is the purpose of this letter.
Unfortunately, I cannot address it to people who do not want to heal their inner brokenness, learn from experience, or break free from the past. We call these people narcissists.
To learn and heal, one must desire it. By definition, a narcissist doesn’t want to.
If your experience has brought you narcissistic abuse, then the narcissist has revealed your inner brokenness to you. With that realization, you can now learn your lesson and heal your brokenness… until you are free of the urge to repeat that experience.
And so the narcissist, along with the inner brokenness that brought you the narcissistic abuse, becomes part of the past.
