Women played by men are not “stupid” or “inexperienced.” Smart women get manipulated all the time, not because the guy is smart or smooth, but because his corny story has enough tangible potential to make it believable.
Moreover, these “players” are not useless men. They watch and wait—predators of sorts—and fulfill a specific need that a woman seeks in a relationship. And not just a need, but a basic need that you want to satisfy: sex, affection, security, attention, freedom, romance, etc.
Once you start meeting these needs, you start ignoring the glaring red flags of his other behavior. It is not a matter of intelligence or naivety. It’s more about the natural human need to connect, and how our instinct is to trust others – sometimes to our detriment.
Men may fulfill a basic need, but nothing more than that
Because his romantic repertoire is meager (at best), he begins to decline and/or not meet her other crucial wants and needs, but her initial basic needs are still met.
This is a dangerous death spiral for her self-esteem, as she begins to wonder why he fills one and not the rest, so she thinks she “isn’t worth it.”
Her feelings of inferiority make her try harder and put up with worse and worse behavior…until he leaves.
Then she wonders what she did wrong, what she did to deserve him treating her so poorly. Her self-esteem has taken a few hits, and she needs a boost.
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Relationships are transactions (so treat them that way)
Sometimes, another sinner begins to fulfill that basic need, and the cycle repeats.
The way to get past this is to realize: In any relationship, there is always a trade-off. There will be needs of your own that can be met, and other needs that your partner cannot meet because he either doesn’t realize it, doesn’t have the skills, or simply doesn’t want to.
Regardless of the needs met or unmet, if the relationship is built on keeping you emotionally, physically, or spiritually distant, the trade-off is often too unbalanced for any long-term success.
It is better to break things off sooner rather than later and seek your companionship somewhere where it can be met and appreciated.
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