Are you wondering what it’s like to date a narcissist or be in a relationship with someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
A narcissist is the last person we want to have a relationship with. But, most of the time, we don’t realize that someone is showing signs of narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic abuse until it’s too late.
However, can a person with narcissistic traits and behaviors change their ways?
I’m sitting here in the basement of my house on one of the last cold spring days here in Colorado and all I can think about is how I miss having sex with him who turned out to be a narcissist.
Sure, I have other things to do like learn marketing, hire another 6-figure coach, and figure out how to change my station in life to match my intelligence. But I can’t get our time together out of my mind.
It started in a conference hall in Arizona at what was called an “event.” After three days of being influenced by club music and receiving information on how to go from nothing to millions, I had had enough. When I’m bored, the comedian in me takes over.
So, once the event was over, I was talking to people who were also attending the event and said, “Did you notice that they actually put the Kool-aid in the back of the room, and everyone started dressing the same, and we were all offered a big buy?”
That’s when he came in – the narcissist, although I didn’t realize it at the time.
We somehow connected via my Facebook Messenger app earlier today and I asked him if he wanted to meet me.
“Sure,” he said.
She texted him: “Look for the girl in the black hat.”
Sure enough, he found me.
The first thing he said was, “Wow, you’re really energetic.” I forgot what I said again. But he replied, “We should hang out sometime.”
A few days before I met him, I had a strange desire to go to the Griffith Observatory in Los Angeles. “Sure,” I said, “we should go to the Griffith Observatory together.”
“This is one of my favorite places,” he responded.
Sparks flew.
I returned home to Colorado and he returned to California. We talked back and forth on messenger for a few days.
Then he said something to me that changed everything. “I have something crazy to ask. Let me love you in a way that feels good.”
I live in a magical world so I didn’t question his request. I went with her. (This is called love bombing.)
Before I get into what happened in the early honeymoon period, I want to say that in the seventh month of knowing he exists, those first three months together are making me miss him more than any reasonable person should.
Simply put, I had the time of my life. It was not luxurious. However, it is everything romantic movies are made of.
Two weeks after we started talking, I booked a flight to San Diego so I could go to Mexico and get some dental work done. Once I arrived and received the necessary care, I stayed with a friend for a few days before we met him for the second time. He drove from Los Angeles on Friday to pick me up.
Without going into all the details, let me just say that the physical contact was epic. I mean, we were having phone sex for a while, engaged in deep conversations, and didn’t laugh about anything. But when she finally got to kiss him, it was magical.
In fact, you said, “We don’t have the ability to have sex when I come to see you.” I felt something for him and was trying to set some boundaries to protect us.
So, on the drive from San Diego to his house, we played music to fill in the awkward gaps that happen when you first meet someone you hope will be your everything. We were playing it cool while holding hands and joking back and forth.
Once we reached his place, we made plans to go to the observatory. A lot of intimacy was shared in a very short period of 48 hours. But we didn’t have sex. He stuck to those boundaries, which made me fall in love with him even more.
I can write about all the romantic moments we had. But after the third month, things changed. Things unfolded, forcing us into a seven-week battle. Then his ex-wife was involved.
Gaslighting behavior manifested itself after our last conversation where he said, “I’m going to a movie with my ex this weekend” and then took her to a place she introduced me to.
I had enough. It hurt so much.
I want to share that I fought the good fight. I’ve referenced everything from the Miracle Cycle to the pillars of relationship psychology. It closed more. So, a few days after our last phone call, I did what any writer would do. I put pen to paper, expressed my feelings and sent him two different letters in the mail.
In the first letter I talked about how painful it was to watch him go from my lover to pure evil.
Indifference is a warm gun.
This is the course of nature:
It’s only a matter of time before your defenses turn on you. Indifference is a weapon that will destroy everything you hold dear. You are building a cage of despair. And then the morning will come when you go to the mirror to shave your face and see everything you resent your father looking at you.
My body was not what you were looking for; The truth was inside him. You are in the company of thieves and liars. Bankrupt souls seek significance. Double all your spiritual work…it is unjustly easy.
This is the course of nature.
You will die and be born again. no escape. I am on the horizon beating the drums of freedom and courage. It is the fire of my vitality that attracted you and terrified you. Pushed to the deepest ends. The Joker is not a companion.
This is the course
She will not love you, she will use you as a means of escape, she will do the same, and you will never feel at peace. The truth is cruel when it is denied. But in the end you will realize that this is the only way.
So what did you convey?
The beginning of your destruction with indifference as your weapon. Die this time.
I will be on the horizon beating the drums of freedom and love.
I will meet you in the resurrection.
I was trying to get to it in a meaningful way.
Letters tend to take a long time to get from Boulder, Colorado to Los Angeles – about ten days. Three days after sending the letter, in which I explained how I hoped he could break the cycle of abuse, I sent a second letter explaining how I believed his behavior was due to a form of narcissistic personality disorder.
Regardless, narcissistic personality disorder is very rare in its extreme form. However, with most personality disorders, we can fall somewhere on the spectrum. Empaths – feelers – tend to be attracted to and empathize with narcissists.
In addition to my training as a counselor, I have also read at least 20 articles describing narcissism. it’s bad.
I know that when I interact with him, I start to feel crazy. He knew how to pursue the structure of what I was saying in a way that veered away from the content of what was being expressed. In some ways, there was merit in what he was pointing out to me about getting out of my head and into my heart among other visions.
However, when it came to the simple question “Do you want to be in a spiritual partnership with me?”, he replied “I don’t have any information for you about that.”
I still talked to him for two weeks after that. I even had a conversation with his ex-wife, who was adamant that they would get back together (and they did). It was a dramatic chaos that took me out of the life I had been avoiding in Colorado.
I loved traveling to Los Angeles and escaping into the fantasy we built together.
Even as I write this I have to admit that knowing what I know now, it’s still a battle to focus on my own life. I keep reading articles about the characteristics of empathy. I am fascinated by what causes narcissism and whether it can be treated. Let me just say that addiction to this pattern takes time to recover from.
My motivation to learn these things has always been and will be twofold.
First, I need to get an underlying foundation because, let’s be real, after being with a wonderful lover who’s also wicked smart, something like narcissism seems like a puzzle that needs to be solved so I can have all the magic again. Second, I know that others are probably going through a similar struggle and we heal by telling the truth.
I always joke that my work is field tested.
The real plot twist is that I learned more about myself in the short time we spent together than in any other short relationship I’ve been in.
Somehow, this time, this relationship pushed me deeper into the truth. I’ve invested hours reading about every topic related to toxic relationships.
I started meditating and taking salt baths. I kind of went to the gym. But mostly I slept more and made sure to only take action on things when I was focused. I had to force myself to be patient.
However, it also ruined my ability to earn money and stick to a healthy schedule. A lot of time was spent casting spells, reading tarot cards, and spending money on counseling. I was dedicated to growth, so I grew from it but it was really hard to forgive myself for dating an abusive person, especially since I’m a counselor.
As much as I hoped the letters would inspire him to reach out to me and recreate our magic together, as of today, they haven’t.
What I asked, in the second letter, was that he prepare a house for us in the fall so that I could move in with him and direct my efforts toward offering my talents as a psychic and breakup specialist to the Los Angeles entertainment industry. .
